*Private* for former victims of sex abuse, how did it affect your later sex life?

*Private* for former victims of sex abuse, how did it affect your later sex life?

LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Poll below.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
It affected my sexual relations for only a short time
It largely affected my sexual relations but I now have a healthy sex life
It largely affected my sexual relations and I still have troubles in my sex life
Total votes: 21 (19 voters)
Poll is closed
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gypsymama gypsymama
A very close family member was a rape victim, over 30 years ago, and still to this day she has difficulty in her sex life. She recently went to a intensive therapy program to help overcome that and it helped a lot. Sexual abuse has such long lasting effects in ALL areas of life!!!
P'Gell P'Gell
I actually never noticed a problem with consensual sex. I would say my Catholic "Sex is Wrong" upbringing had a more intense effect. When I started High School I thought I would be a virgin until my "wedding night." Obviously and happily, puberty and rational though kicked in soon after, and I didn't give a damn about some fuzzy future "wedding night" and found a good partner through not allowing fear or guilt ruin my ability to make love and find the right partner.

I dealt with the abuse in therapy and on my own. I REFUSE to let that pedophile have any say in how I feel, act or think. Letting him take up real estate in my head is letting him win. He has no place in my head or in my life. I REFUSE to be a "victim." That would also let him win.

It's the past. I've dealt with it, and even before I hadn't dealt with it in therapy, I was able to rationalized it and compartmentalize it so it didn't have an impact on my sexuality.

Letting the abuser continue to have a place in your life is damaging. More damaging than the original abuse.

I'm NOT a "victim" and I am not a "survivor." I'm just one of many women and men who were harmed by a bad person when they were young. It doesn't make me special, and the abuse was FAR from the most interesting thing that has ever happened to me.

It's the past, and that's where it stays.

My sex life rocks, and always has, and the person who hurt me was never allowed into my consensual sex life. He's dead to me and I rarely think about it, unless threads like this come up.
indiglo indiglo
When I was in my teens I was somewhat promiscuous, and did things I would have rather not done. But after going through therapy, I was fine and able to have healthy, happy relationships. (And still am to this day!) I'm ok with what I did as a teen now too. Like P'Gell, I rarely think about it.
js250 js250
The abuse made me very numb and uncaring about sex. Pair that with a disease that made me cry for hours from severe pain after an orgasm and you have my life. Until after my hysterectomy, that is. Then my current marriage, I have really made up for lost time the last 14 years. I let go of the abuse through counseling and wisdom & after the painful part of sex was gone I liked orgasms. My current husband was patient with me, kept trying to interest me in ways to enhance our sex life and did not push the 'enhancements' but let me take my time and make up my mind. The deal was--try a toy and porn once, please; then it is up to you if either one continues to be used. I declined for a couple of years, using them on his birthday or other special days as a 'favor'. Damn, did I screw myself out of many years of fun or what??!! One weekend I became completely uninhibited due to medication I was just given by my DR. After that weekend--I was, and still am, a very sexual person!! Now I do not even think about it or have any reactions to the past abuse. It is like it happened, but not to me in this life.
TheirPet TheirPet
I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by a previous partner and it took me years to get intimate with someone and I still have problems with 'flinching' or getting flashbacks. Sometimes I'll be 'triggered' without knowing why, sometimes I know it's a certain trigger.

I feel like the best thing to do (and something I wish I'd done earlier) is to talk about what happened. Get rid of that weight. Stop ignoring it. I also find letting partners know before you engage in activity helps. I told my partner what happened and what my triggers are and my partner is very considerate.
remember.me remember.me
I don't really want to go into details, but I was molested & raped as a child then again at age 19. They both still affect me, on top of other issues from being physically abused by family. My problems sexually would be solved if I could solve my emotional problems. I try not to let it get to me, but it's just easier said than done and therapy doesn't help. I just take it one day at a time.
lecanis lecanis
I still have problems, but my situation was pretty messed up for a very long time. Some of my very first memories were instances of molestation, and I was both raped by primary abusers and forced into prostitution for a number of years, starting as a young child and not ending until well into my teens.

That situation (along with homelessness and non-sexual violence) left me with some pretty serious PTSD, and even though it's been quite a while now, I don't think I'll ever really be 'over it'.

The end result, for me, is actually having a pretty creative sex life. I tend to gravitate to sexual acts that I don't associate with abuse, some of which are rather kinky, and I enjoy BDSM for the aspect of control over the situation. (As either dom or sub, since subs also have very specific controls over and signals of consent.)

There are certain fairly vanilla sexual acts that are for me things I'll only do in certain situations or occasionally, but I've found that cutting those things out or limiting them works better for me than working myself up over them.

Ultimately, I've pretty much accepted that I'll probably always be in therapy and require very understanding sex partners, but I'm getting more and more comfortable with that reality.
Izzaba Izzaba
Yes it can in so many ways, but you can work through them or at least try to. With any full time partner I would have I would tell him as much as I think he would need to know about my abuse, and worning them about any PTSD I may have. I have not had to much trouble with this in the last few years, but I have gone through a lot of therapy to help.

Like "lecanis" I also enjoy the BSDM life I lean to the sub side for the control that the subs have I can say "no" or use my sefty work and not have to deal with what I don't want.

If any one here would like to talk just let me know this is a very hard thing to deal with and open forms help, but 1-1 can help too.
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 9