In Your Opinion--What Are The Most Common Reasons For Cheating?

Contributor: js250 js250
I am just curious about what your opinions are....I just did the research and was very surprised at the answers. Those will be posted later after everyone has had a chance to post on this discussion.

You may choose multiple answers, and it is a private poll. Feel free to list other reasons!!
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Sexual dissatisfaction.
Angry with partner.
It just happened.
Lack of sex.
Sexual dysfunction.
Emotional needs not met.
Does not love partner.
See if they can get away with it.
Drunk or drugged.
Out of town.
Payback or revenge.
Hurt by partner.
Mental breakdown/impairment.
To end the marriage.
Financial benefits.
Sexual addiction.
Total votes: 255 (58 voters)
Poll is closed
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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Here's my opinion on the matter.
Contributor: jr2012 jr2012
I think it's because they are unsatisfied by their current relationship in some way. It could be sexual, but also could be emotional. I think a lot of relationships end because they got too serious too fast, resulting in a poor match that sticks together for far too long.
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
This is one of those cases where statistics are mostly meaningless. The only thing that matters is why it happened to you - or why you did it.

You may have an x% chance of having a certain condition - but the reality is you either have it or not - either 0% or 100% - not x%.
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Lack of self-control, basically is what it all boils down to in my book. They give themselves permission to do something inappropriate, rather than being mature and putting limits on their own behavior, or at least ending 1 relationship before sleeping with someone else.
Contributor: Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
I do not think most people intend to have affairs.

I think there are three issues that can lead someone to be vulnerable to an affair
1. lack the intimacy in their relationship
2. they don't feel attractive
3. they want attention/love

They have one of these and then put themselves in situations that are risky/inappropriate. Friendships with people you are attracted to or who are attracted to you. Sharing intimate feelings with someone other than your partner. Being alone with someone you are attracted to. The slope gets slippery once they build that intimacy with someone outside your primary relationship.

I think you always have to be aware what you are doing. If a relationship with a male friend starts to be a situation where he is sharing things with me that he should be sharing with his wife, I stop it there. Everyone likes compliments but if they start to become frequent, then I ask the person to stop. I need to get my attention from my husband not other people.
Contributor: babyrock babyrock
IMHO for men, it's the unsatisfactory sex. for women, it's more about not getting fulfilled emotionally in a relationship. again IMHO.
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
so many of these options are really "emotional needs not met"
Contributor: xgreatlovex xgreatlovex
i always hear for men it was lack of sex for women it was always lack of emotion/connection
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
something or some things are not being met in the relationship. also, there's no true commitment to the relationship is another factor. and some people just don't have a conscious.
Contributor: wicked48 wicked48
I'd have to say emotional needs not being met.
Contributor: angel42539 angel42539
A little bit of everything mixed together
Contributor: Clock Chime Clock Chime
It all depends on the situation!
Contributor: Pandora'sBox Pandora'sBox
I take a very, very hard line with cheaters, as I've said in other posts. There is one and only one reason anyone cheats, male or female, and that is because they think they can get away with it. Everything else is just excuses. They think they can get away with it. Why else would they go through with it?

If they didn't think they would get away with it, they wouldn't do it. Mature people who know how to communicate their needs, be they emotional or sexual, don't cheat. There are an infinite number of more mature things people can do to handle relationship issues, cheating is not one of them.

So feel your emotional needs aren't being met? Talk about it. Open up to your partner. Tell them how you feel and talk about it. Sexual needs not being met? Do the same thing. COMMUNICATE. Try new things. Set boundaries or talk about finding new ones. Hell, even seeing a sex therapist for the relationship shouldn't be out of the question.

If the relationship really is as bad as some cheaters want everyone to think, then they can grow a spine and end it. It is never okay to start a new relationship without first finishing the one you're already in. It's not romantic, it's not mature and it doesn't do anyone any favors.
Contributor: sXeVegan90 sXeVegan90
I believe not only is there sometimes a lack of self control, but also because their partner is not fulfilling their needs emotionally or sexually. Do I think that this is the wrong way of going about it? Definitely. Partners should talk about things like this, and if the needs aren't met then they probably aren't the right person for you, and so you should end the relationship instead of causing the other emotional distress when they figure out that you've been unfaithful.
Contributor: Nympho88 Nympho88
For women I think it is mainly an attention thing..... If they aren't getting the attention( be it sexual, or emotional) they need or want from their partner they may find themselves looking for that else where.....
Contributor: HisLittleFiend HisLittleFiend
I think it all boils back down to the needs not being met (usually psychological). Every reason people can give, to me in my mind after having psychology shoved into my brain from a young age, comes back down to that.

In my mind, also, it is always the cheatERs fault. They may blame it on their SO- he isn't good enough in bed, he cheated on me first, he told me the dress didn't flatter me- but in the end everybody has to take responsibility for the sex they have. In conditions of rape (I can't call that cheating- it's not if you don't give some consent) obviously that's different, but when people go out and get roaringly drunk and cheat, I still think that isn't okay. When you take alcohol, you should be aware of what can happen. I think that's a responsibility. If you aren't willing to take ownership for what you do when you choose to drink or take other mind-altering substances, then I don't think you are mature enough to do them in the first place.

But I've found most people do things like that when something psychologically isn't right. They may not communicate their bedroom needs or their emotional needs. They may not even know their needs themselves. But generally, excuses like "revenge" or "I was drunk" or "I need more sex" just cover up the real problem. And there is a real problem. I think part of the problem is that many people these days (at least in my generation) seem to believe in some mythic "perfect" mate that will automatically make everything ideal. They don't realize that it doesn't exist. Nobody can just know what you need at any given time. You need to communicate with your partner! Nobody can mind-read, and this is what really irritates me about "soul mates." Some kids think if somebody is their "soul mate" then they'll just "know" what they need, and if they are committed in a relationship and a small problem happens

Sexual addiction is a legitimate psychological problem (and physiological too). But, everybody I know with that kind of a problem can't even form a lasting relationship for them to cheat. They know they can't be monogamous so they don't try. Granted I don't know many people who fit into that category.

I have a bit of a "lenient" policy myself on cheating. Personally I would NEVER do it- if I'm unhappy for whatever reason or feel like I "can't" control myself, I would break things off- and as I've said somewhere else on here before, I love my current boyfriend and have full intentions to marry him. I've also only been cheating on once. But for me, if I ever do get cheated on, I don't dump them. I don't see it as something people do for shits and giggles because "they can." I'd sit down and talk about what it is that's missing from the relationship. What is it he needs? Is that something I can provide? Is it something he will accept from me?

My dad has not been faithful to my mother most of my life. It's not that he goes away on business and hires hookers or something like that. He just cultivates these other relationships because he doesn't understand some vital pieces of himself. He doesn't know what a good "wife" or "mother" is. He grew up in a home where his own mother did not care for them at all. He was the eldest, he had no structure, he had nobody to help him process emotions. He loves us, and I don't think his infidelity was caused because he "thought he could get away with it." It wasn't about fun; it wasn't about addiction. It was about my mom working a lot and my dad being in unfamiliar places and having no idea what to do with himself emotionally or how to communicate it, and instead believing these people that could give him momentary stability would "fix" the problems. Instant gratification. Sorrow after. Pain. Not understanding what is going on, at all, in your world. Being unhappy in general and thinking that other people are responsible for your happiness instead of realizing your own power. Thinking your wife/partner is responsible for your daughter's emotional problems and the pain you see in her. It's a mess, honestly. It's usually very complex.

Personally I think treating those who cheat horribly is the worst thing you can do for them. They aren't all master manipulators just doing whatever the fuck they want to. I honestly believe most people believe themselves to be good or believe they are doing their best to be good. I think "repeat offenders" are repeating because they don't get the benefit of talking it out. We seem to have this "no tolerance" policy where if you catch them, they're instantly out- that doesn't go down deep enough into their psychological problems to help them understand HOW to do relationships.

Dang this is long. I guess what I'm trying to get at here- "Hurt people hurt people." There's something inside of those who cheat that needs repairing. They cheat because they don't know how to make monogamous relationships work. Simply ending a relationship, no questions asked, will only further their "cheating" because you aren't helping them understand how to work a long-term monogamous relationship. It isn't a "punishment" that will inflict change because they don't have the "alternative" to understand. They don't have other ways to cope with their desires and urges and confusion. You have to sit with them and process it out, help them understand their needs, and then what is a need and what is a want, and what a partner can and cannot just do, and how long-term relationships actually *work*.
Contributor: Tangerine Tangerine
I think that cheating is just plain disrespectful. I am up front and honest with my partner and if I feel that cheating could be something in my future I will just end the relationship.
Contributor: ichigostrawberry ichigostrawberry
I think it may be just a lack of communicating what needs are. I personally don't see the need for it though. If they don't want to be with that person anymore, just break it off.
Contributor: HannahPanda HannahPanda
Sexual needs not met for the most part.