Starting Sex HIM or HER

Starting Sex HIM or HER

xgreatlovex xgreatlovex
I adore my boyfriend and he adores me and we are both very sexually attracted to one another but for some reason he always leaves it up to me to start things and yeah sometimes thats great but it makes me feel less desirable?
01/13/2011
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Vaccinium Vaccinium
I understand what you're feeling, as I'm in the same position with my wife. I'll tell you the same thing everyone tells me-- talk to him about it. Good luck!
01/13/2011
ScottA ScottA
Sometimes a partner might think it's either the other person's "responsibility" or else they're worried about "forcing" them to have sex when they don't want to.

Again discussion is the way to go.
01/13/2011
Yoda Yoda
9 times out of ten, I initiate sex.
01/13/2011
Chevylady37 Chevylady37
maybe he feels that your not ready so he makes you start it, or maybe its more of a turn on for him if you do it. For me it depended on the situation. Sometimes i did, other times he did. Also depends on the guy
01/13/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
My husband thinks it is incredibly hot when I initiate sex. It makes him feel desired, let's him know my exact intentions and that I find him sexy. There were many years where I sort of expected him to read my mind - to know when I wanted it and didn't, and expected him to initiate all of it. Terrible I know, but I am a slow learner you could say. Now it seems like I am the one initiating it because I want it all the time. I practically jump him everytime he is near me.
01/13/2011
Alicia Alicia
It's always best to just have a conversation about it. When my husband and I first started dating it was alwasys him who initiated it. It wasn't because I didn't want him, it was because I liked being pursued and didn't really notice that I was never initiating. So then he just stopped initiating it and I took over and just started doing it without even thinking. Eventually it dawned on me that I was always the one starting things! It made me feel like I wasn't wanted and I talked to him about it and he said it was because HE had been feeling unwanted before. If we had just talked we'd have been able to handle the issue without such heartache.

Even after all these years, about a year ago I noticed that I was initiating it more again. I wasn't sure what was up so I talked to him. Well, it turned out that I had been sending signals that made him feel he should back off without me even thinking about it. Like I'd say that my back hurt just randomly, or mention a headache. He would then not pursue sex thinking he was being respectful of me not feeling well. But the thing is, sex doesn't make my back hurt any more or make a headache worse..it RELIEVES those pains.
01/13/2011
IrishLassie IrishLassie
You know its the same way between me and the hubs. I usually am the one to initiate sex. And you know we are still working on it. But you know, Im learning that it doesnt really matter who initiates. He still wants me and only me and when are together, boy oh boy does he appreciate me ;-)

Try talking to him and just let him know, gently, how you feel. I tried the point blank method and found it didnt work. But just let him know how you feel..also, dont worry too much about it. I know that is easier said than done
01/15/2011
...... ......
I hear ya! I'm almost always the one to start things. I would really like it if this wasn't so. I gave up a long time ago complaining about it. It is what it is.
01/15/2011
cdawn cdawn
I agree with the other posts on here. Talk to him. I used to have this problem with my husband but when we talked about it things got better. He said he didn't ant to push when I wasn't in the mood but if I started things he was always good to go.
01/15/2011
liilii080 liilii080
Another idea if you're not sure how to have the conversation is to write him a letter about how you feel. I do that sometimes because when I get nervous or stressed I get flustered when speaking, but I know I can be articulate when I write. Give him the letter and have him read it and then you guys can talk about it. Or maybe develop some kind of code word or signal (setting the lube out?) that you guys can use to let each other know you're in the mood. It's cheesy but sometimes, you have to be creative! Good luck.
01/15/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
It's about 80/20 in his favor. I do love having sex, I just have to be really horny to start the act and I'm not that horny all that often.
01/16/2011
indiglo indiglo
I agree. Try to talk about it. With us, it's always changing, and a few months ago it got to where we joked he was constantly chasing me around with a stiffy, which was flattering at first but then got old. So we opted to have me initiate for a while. Now I feel better, and so we're back to whoever wants it can initiate it. A good talk can clear the air, and maybe you'll even be able to laugh about it while you're solving the issue! Best wishes!
01/16/2011
married with children married with children
most of the time I do. It has always been like that. Some nights she will wake me up by sitting on my face scared me at first, but still a nice way to be woken up. I wish she would initiate it more often.
01/19/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
most of the time I do. It has always been like that. Some nights she will wake me up by sitting on my face scared me at first, but still a nice way to be woken up. I wish she would initiate it more often.
LMAO! Oh my! Here I am reading this thinking, 'Hmm, maybe I'll have to try this' and then these thoughts pop in my head: "Husband with Sleep Apnea Smothered by Wife's Pussy" or "Husband Chokes to Death after Face-Sitting Incident, news at 11." LOL! My husband snores like there is no tomorrow. I can walk outside of the house and hear him down the driveway. Thank God we live in the woods! Because of that though, I would be reluctant to try that. But gave me a nice chuckle, thanks!
01/19/2011
dbtracy dbtracy
My husband usually leaves it up to me to start things.
01/19/2011
KnK KnK
Quote:
Originally posted by xgreatlovex
I adore my boyfriend and he adores me and we are both very sexually attracted to one another but for some reason he always leaves it up to me to start things and yeah sometimes thats great but it makes me feel less desirable?
I know what you're saying. It gets old. Bring up your feelings and tell him that you know that he loves you, but it makes you feel insecure.
01/20/2011
al16 al16
Maybe try leading him on a bit, or politely bring up to him how you feel. Communication is key from my experiences.
03/08/2011
Naughty Student Naughty Student
My bf used to be the initiater but since he has started his new job, he's been extremely exhausted and not his usual self.

I think I initiate sex about 75% of the time and he agrees to sex about 20% of the time I offer. Where as he offers about 25% of the time and I agree to 75% of the time he offers.

A little lopsided I know, but I assume things will get better once we settle down in a few months.
03/08/2011
SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by xgreatlovex
I adore my boyfriend and he adores me and we are both very sexually attracted to one another but for some reason he always leaves it up to me to start things and yeah sometimes thats great but it makes me feel less desirable?
sometimes its aback and forth usually its my fiancee but once and a while i start it
03/09/2011
Mz.GreenEyez Mz.GreenEyez
Quote:
Originally posted by xgreatlovex
I adore my boyfriend and he adores me and we are both very sexually attracted to one another but for some reason he always leaves it up to me to start things and yeah sometimes thats great but it makes me feel less desirable?
I usually have to be the one to start things and he works at least a 12 hour shift 5 days a week so he's tired and usually passes on the sex...but when his weekend rolls around he will start to initiate it.
03/10/2011
Raizer911 Raizer911
I don't think it is an issue. I am a man and generally leave it up to my partner to start things. It is not because I find her less desirable I just don't want to play the Barry White. I don't think it's a great look.
05/19/2012
d.wooldridge d.wooldridge
Quote:
Originally posted by xgreatlovex
I adore my boyfriend and he adores me and we are both very sexually attracted to one another but for some reason he always leaves it up to me to start things and yeah sometimes thats great but it makes me feel less desirable?
My husband is the same way, I know that hes attracted to me but I HATE always being the one who starts it.
05/20/2012
Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
Well, we're both women, but she usually initiates. I do sometimes, but I prefer when she does.
05/22/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
We both start it, depends on who is the hornier mood that day.
05/22/2012
Total posts: 25
Unique posters: 24