What are your thoughts on emotional infidelity?

What are your thoughts on emotional infidelity?

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On Tuesdays With Nina this week, Nina discusses emotional infidelity. One thing she advised, that I really liked is, "that while feelings for someone other than your significant other doesn't make you bad person, but what you do with those feelings says a lot about who you are and your ability to maintain a mature, long-term monogamous relationship."

Did you watch it yet today? If not, you should. It was very good!

But aside from watching it, I would love to know how you feel about emotional infidelity.
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Ajax Ajax
Emotional infidelity is something I didn't give a second thought to until I saw Nina's videos. I'm a little torn on the issue, but for the most part I think it's silly.

I can see why it could be cause for alarm since feelings can very often lead to actions, but i also feel like we're just giving ourselves more things to worry and stress about when we really don't need to be. I could never ever be jealous of my guy and his emotional relationship with another girl. I think it's healthy to want to build emotional relationships with other people. Feelings are a natural thing and well, if he didn't have them, there's no way in heck we could have even started a relationship. As long as you don't cross that physical line and as long as you don't keep things from your partner I don't think it is something worth stressing over.
tygrwmn tygrwmn
My story, for what it's worth: fifteen years in a marriage with a man i told myself i loved. no sex, at all, except for having our first child, and a few attempts three years ago to have a second. without going into too much detail, i have begun to believe that my husband was, for reasons i will probably never understand, "starving" me - he didn't have a job for the last ten years of our marriage, never touched me, never kissed me, was never affectionate, never made any money... we could laugh and joke, but we argued all the time, more than we laughed.

early in 2010, i discovered a sim - a simulated world on the internet - and decided to give it a try. i told my husband what i was doing. i soon discovered that one can live an entire life in a sim. you can get a job, buy a house, design your body, your clothes, be a dragon or a walking mushroom if you want... and you can have virtual relationships there, indulge in cyber sex in any setting and with any flavor fetish you want. you can even get married.

when i discovered i could have cyber sex, it was a release of sorts. i told my husband about it, and his only comment was "just don't make me watch". it was still not as good as the real thing, but the emotional connections with people could be there. i experimented with bisexuality (lol, i kissed a girl and more) and realized i enjoyed it, that having sex with a woman was very different but intense and wonderful in other ways. it was a time of tremendous growth and learning for me.

the inevitable happened - i met a wonderful man, had a virtual relationship with him, we fell in love, we engaged in cyber sex (lol, ad infinitum, ad nauseaum), and this man treated me in a way no one ever had before - he was loving, romantic, gentle, funny as hell, and he treasured me. we exchanged contact info outside of the sim, we woke each other up and put each other to sleep. he even thought i was beautiful, lol, when we exchanged pictures in real life.

sometimes these kinds of stories have bad endings, i know, and there's certainly every risk something bad will happen when you remove all accountability from a relationship, as one does in a virtual setting, but a very wise friend, when told about this experience i was having, said something i will never forget: "your cyber relationship with this guy, and your problems with your husband are two different issues".

and he was right. on our wedding anniversary, my husband and i went to have coffee. i told him flat out about the man i had fallen in love with, and i said that if i even COULD fall in love with someone else, our marriage was in bad trouble. i asked my husband - i begged him to do something to save our marriage. i asked him for affection, for sex, for some help supporting the house. i asked him what he wanted from me. we talked a while, but even then, he kept wanting to go back, he didn't want to hold hands, he was uncomfortable... really, i should have seen right there, but in any case, we agreed to try.

that was september 1st. two months later nothing had changed. i moved out on november 12th, and we began the process of getting a divorce.

my sim lover was not the reason i left my husband. he WAS the reason i knew i had to leave. i was honest with my husband from the get go, and today i'm proud of that. i HAVE been accused of committing adultery, I HAVE been called all kinds of bad names (lol, by HIS family) but i have to admit, i REALLY needed to hear nina say what she said on this subject. i feel free, i feel validated, and that's such an incredible blessing.

i'm still "together" with my wonderful, sweet sim guy. we video chat and im in the hours when our timezones manage to overlap (i live in california, he lives in scotland), we've made a commitment to each other, we've agreed that we want to live together when the time is right, and he's coming out to visit in a few months. things still may not work out, but i will always be grateful to him for the gift of understanding he's given me, for his love and affection, and for my freedom.
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