The New Intimacy

Would knowing your fiance/husband had a threesome in the past bother you?

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Here's a question for all you about-to-be and already married folks. Would knowing your loved one had a threesome (of any sort; making out, having sex, oral sex, etc.) upset you?

I'm actually not bothered that my fiance admitted he had a pretty wild makeout oral sex session right before he met me. I am a little pissed that he's been telling me he was a total virgin though. It's not a huge deal because I wasn't a virgin at all, but lying isn't too cool. Just wondering what you all would think. Thought it would make an interesting post.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
I would not be mad, it's in the past.
28
I would be jealous/mad
8
I would be enraged
1
I would only be upset under the following circumstance: EXPLAIN
4
I've done it too, so it wouldn't matter.
2
I would only be mad if he had lied.
30
Total votes: 73 (57 voters)
Poll is closed
06/15/2011
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Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
If someone had told me they were a total virgin and then admitted to having a threesome, I would be upset. Lying about being a virgin is a big deal to me, I dunno why...
06/15/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
If someone had told me they were a total virgin and then admitted to having a threesome, I would be upset. Lying about being a virgin is a big deal to me, I dunno why...
Funny, it's a big deal to me also. A really big freakin' deal.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
To me, it doesn't matter if it's a threesome, a foursome, an outright orgy or having sex with a man...if he intentionally hides it from me I'm going to be very hurt and then very angry. And I'm walking out the door if I find out it happened during our relationship.

There's no reason to hide anything of a sexual nature from me. I'll probably ask questions and use the information to fuel the fire when we get down and dirty.
06/15/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
My man has had a threesome in the past. He was upfront about it, and it's no big deal to me. But lying about stuff (whether it be sexual or anything else) or trying to hide it would be a big deal to me.
06/15/2011
Contributor: babyrock babyrock
What's past is past. We have all done things that should be kept private. All things, IMO, should be evaluted based on the circumstances at the time.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
The lying is an issue but not necessarily a relationship ender. However, lying and putting your partner at risk for STDs is a BIG problem and something I would be livid about.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
I would be very, Very, VERY upset about him lying. I mean seriously, re-evaluate the relationship upset. You need to be able to trust your sexual partners and if they lie to you, you can't trust them. But I wouldn't care about him having had a threesome. I have a pretty wild background. It would only be fair for him to have had some wildness as well.
06/15/2011
Contributor: hjtee hjtee
It happened before me, so as long as he was truthful about it, I'm fine with it.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
I would not be upset, however, if the person had lied and told me that they had never done such things, then I would be pissed. I have a strong dislike for being lied to.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Here's a question for all you about-to-be and already married folks. Would knowing your loved one had a threesome (of any sort; making out, having sex, oral sex, etc.) upset you?

I'm actually not bothered that my fiance admitted he had ... more
That has been a sore subject in the past for Sigel and I precisely because he DID lie. He was young and stupid (his words) and felt lik he was worth nothing more than his cock...so if a woman came on to him he'd do whatever she asked. He has since gotten to a place inside where he has much more self esteem and can be honest with me. He trys to tell me and I try really hard to not internalize and blame myself for his stepping out. Truly it had nothing to do with me.

Now a days I don't mind hearing about his escapades though they are less frequent than mine!
06/16/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by babyrock
What's past is past. We have all done things that should be kept private. All things, IMO, should be evaluted based on the circumstances at the time.
This is sort of how I feel. Like I said, yeah, I'm upset. But I'm not gonna call the wedding off over it. My fiance has always been truthful and faithful to me as far as everything else.

He was scared to admit it to me way back when because I had assumed he was a virgin. He didn't think I would like him as much.

I think there are definitely things in the past that need to be kept private, and I can understand that being one of them. I have my private memories as well. I guess I was just upset that he lied. But he's proved faithful about everything else so of course I still love him.
06/16/2011
Contributor: curmudgeoncat curmudgeoncat
Lying is a deal breaker for me. If I can't trust someone, then I can't really be comfortable around them (which means no possibility of friendship, fuck buddies, or anything more). I've been in two long term relationships that were full of lies and I'm done with drama. My tolerance for bullshit has long since gone.
06/16/2011
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
Lying is the issue for me, not the threesome.
06/16/2011
Contributor: daniel and frances daniel and frances
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Here's a question for all you about-to-be and already married folks. Would knowing your loved one had a threesome (of any sort; making out, having sex, oral sex, etc.) upset you?

I'm actually not bothered that my fiance admitted he had ... more
I probably would think it was a hot story and make him tell me over and over.
06/16/2011
Contributor: CPTInsanity CPTInsanity
I would only be upset if I never got to do a threesome with my wife too. I mean I would want to do it with her to see how it would be with her. I have had a much wilder past than my wife, so I don't think I will ever hear her say something that raises any concern.
06/16/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
No, it wouldn't bother me - as long as they intended to have a 3some with me....hehehe.
06/18/2011
Contributor: newfoundlust newfoundlust
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Here's a question for all you about-to-be and already married folks. Would knowing your loved one had a threesome (of any sort; making out, having sex, oral sex, etc.) upset you?

I'm actually not bothered that my fiance admitted he had ... more
As for us, we both came into our marriage with knowledge that we had both been very active sexually before meeting each other, so no, neither of us has been upset to hear about past activities. We both kind of get off on knowing a bit about each other's pasts. It also helps that it has now been 24 years together, so its really ancient history.
06/20/2011
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
Since it's happened before my time, I will not go all crazy about it. I'm actually the very jealous type, and I've made it a point not to dig into his past sex life, save myself from resentment.
08/12/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
I wouldn't care unless he lied about it. But even then it wouldn't be the threesome that upset me. It would be the deceit.
08/12/2011
Contributor: The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I'd be a little upset, but I'd be able to get over it. If I was lied to, that would be a completely different story!
08/12/2011
Contributor: LaLaLouise LaLaLouise
It wouldn't bother me, my last boyfriend admitted that he had a threesome once, but he said it was a little awkward (which made me feel a lot better about it lol). But in general, I don't like to know details about my significant other's sexual past. Knowing how many doesn't bother me, or even hearing negative things. But I don't like to imagine him with other people. I know that it happened, I even know what some of them look like. But I don't want to think about it, and I'm sure he doesn't want to think about me with other people. I have told him (and it is the truth) that sex was never as good before as it is with him, because I feel comfortable with him and he makes me feel beautiful for the first time in my life. The past is the past, as long as it doesn't come back to haunt anybody (i.e. an STD or a crazy ex trying to get him back), it doesn't matter.
08/13/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
I wouldn't be MAD but I'd be a git troubled!
08/13/2011
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
I would NOT be upset even if my partner had initially lied. Lying about something like that would in all likelihood have been prompted by fear. Fear of me rejecting my partner, I would not fulfill that fear. Doing so would only prompt more lying.
I am not so fragile that I would be offended by my partner having done something like that in the past.
08/13/2011
Contributor: sarki sarki
It would be in the past so I wouldn't care
08/23/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
It really does not matter. I would be mad if he lied to me about it though.
08/25/2011
Contributor: Undecided Undecided
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
Here's a question for all you about-to-be and already married folks. Would knowing your loved one had a threesome (of any sort; making out, having sex, oral sex, etc.) upset you?

I'm actually not bothered that my fiance admitted he had ... more
Its in the past as long as he didn't hide it or expect me to have one I wouldn't really care
10/09/2012
Contributor: Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
I get jealous. I can't help it.
10/09/2012
Contributor: Beaners Beaners
Only if he lied.

My boyfriend had a threesome with two other guys in college. If THAT'S not goddamn hot, I don't know what is.
10/09/2012
Contributor: tiniest bird tiniest bird
If he had a threesome, no, if he lied about it, yes
10/10/2012