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Potential MMF Threesome?

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Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
So it seems my husband has opened himself up to the idea of having a threesome with a mutual friend of ours.

We have gone over things that we are and aren't comfortable with happening, and even talked about how we would handle things after. But I feel like there's something we're overlooking.

We have spent almost a week going over boundaries and such, but we haven't brought it up with our friend yet because we don't want him to get his hopes up should my husband change his mind. My friend has brought up the idea before though, so we know he's interested.

does anyone have any advice or experiences they could share? I wan't to make sure we know what we are getting into.
07/18/2013
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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
From my own personal experience...? No matter how much you plan things or set boundaries in place, the very first time there is probably going to be a lot of unintentional "rule-breaking&qu ot;. No one really knows how they're going to react/respond until they are actually in the situation. I'm not saying all of your planning is for naught, it's just sometimes we don't realize how powerful emotions really are (or aren't) until faced with them.

So! That being said... Outside of the boundaries themselves have you talked about the reasons why those boundaries were set? Has your boyfriend considered how powerful it will be to watch another person give you an orgasm? Has he considered that your expressions and reactions will quite likely be the same as those he thought were solely for him?

The sex part is easy, honestly. It's all of the emotions that make it tricky. Will you be able to be around the third party without your boyfriend and it not become a matter of jealousy, anger, suspicion?
07/19/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
From my own personal experience...? No matter how much you plan things or set boundaries in place, the very first time there is probably going to be a lot of unintentional "rule-breaking&qu ot;. No one really knows how they're going to ... more
Yes, my husband and I have been over all these points, and what their outcomes might be. We have even done a little roleplay, to help us both get a better feel for what we are and arent comfortable with :3

And yes, we both trust my friend, he and I have had ample opportunities to do things and we never have. Ive been friends with him for a few years now, so my huaband feels if something was going to happen behind his back, it would have happened by now lol

Thanks for the input, it definitely makes me feel like we aee handling things the right way.
07/19/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
From my own personal experience...? No matter how much you plan things or set boundaries in place, the very first time there is probably going to be a lot of unintentional "rule-breaking&qu ot;. No one really knows how they're going to ... more
Sorry double post
07/19/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
Yes, my husband and I have been over all these points, and what their outcomes might be. We have even done a little roleplay, to help us both get a better feel for what we are and arent comfortable with :3

And yes, we both trust my friend, he ... more
I would LOVE to know how this all works out, if you pursue it. I really hope you will come back and post what happened afterwards, (if you are comfortable with it)! It would be so helpful to others and I'm sure while it's fresh in your head, you can mention things many of us didn't think of. Personal stories for this sort of thing are so important. I think Stormy nailed it with the emotions being the thing that catch you by surprise, one way or another! I have never been in a multi while in a relationship with one of the people, but I find the idea very intriguing!

I understand if you don't want to share anything about it, it is personal, after all. But, it would be so helpful to see how something like this affects you from the planning stage, through the aftermath, especially since you did so much pre-planning! If anyone else can share their experience, I know I'd love to hear their story, too!

I wish you the best of luck with this! Please, keep us posted, (if you want to)!
07/19/2013
Contributor: Love Bites Love Bites
Definitely just make sure you're ready for it. For the emotions, and in case anyone finds out or becomes angry/jealous. Good luck.
07/19/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
In case anyone was wondering.

The threesome is going to happen (if at all) on a vacation we are taking starting monday. My friend lives out of state so we figure that makes him a pretty good candidate among other thibgs I mentioned.

However as the time draws nearer I guess things are getting too real for my husband. so at this point its his logic fighting his emotions. I figured this would happen so Im not terribly surprised.

His issues dont stem from insecurities but from his possessive nature. Im doing my best to reassure and work things out with him, though I told him I cant help it if I get a little pouty and bummed if he decides to say no lol
07/20/2013
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
We love it as a fantasy. We think you should keep it that way. It's a great fantasy and think lots of couples have it, but would never do it. Doubt if it would work out well for either of you. Things, attitudes will undoubtedly change and no matter what either of you say or think now.

Why ruin a great fantasy ? Once you do it, it is no longer a fantasy. If you must why not with somebody while on vacation or away from home. Unless you want to do this particular friend ? Or why not do the next step in fantasies, find another couple. Then if you decide to do a threesome there are additional options.
07/21/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
I dunno, refusing to take risks just because a new experiance might go badly sounds like a boring way to go about life.

I find its much btter to manage risk, and weigh the pros and cons, instead of never going out on a limb out fears from "what ifs".

That said. Things are on hiatus for now. He doesnt feel like he gave himself enouh time to really flesh out his feelings on the subject, and thats fine. The door is still open and Im cool with that.

I am pretty bummed out though. I was really hoping Id finnally get a shot at my fantasy.
07/22/2013
Contributor: Diablotin Diablotin
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
I dunno, refusing to take risks just because a new experiance might go badly sounds like a boring way to go about life.

I find its much btter to manage risk, and weigh the pros and cons, instead of never going out on a limb out fears from ... more
From my personal experience. And it is still pretty new to me an my wife. We are pretty new to the swinger' scene and we had some soft swapping with another couple and two threesome experience with another man.

The first time can be hard. Boundaries will be broken inadvertedly. But since we were on the same page and it was something we both wanted and still want, we could and we can work out the problems that erupts as it erupts.

It was not about me letting her get a shot at her fantasy but more about us growing together as we realize our fantasy. It helps establish a good and solid ground to our evolving relationship. It is all about finding a common fantasy and living it, not about imposing your fantasy on someone else.

Relax, let the fantasy grow for both of you and if it has to happen, it will. ;-)
07/25/2013
Contributor: lana'sart lana'sart
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
From my own personal experience...? No matter how much you plan things or set boundaries in place, the very first time there is probably going to be a lot of unintentional "rule-breaking&qu ot;. No one really knows how they're going to ... more
I agree
07/25/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by Diablotin
From my personal experience. And it is still pretty new to me an my wife. We are pretty new to the swinger' scene and we had some soft swapping with another couple and two threesome experience with another man.

The first time can be hard. ... more
It didn't happen anyway but we have had an open relationship for years now. He is just trying to get over his hangups with me being with other guys.

We have also tried to have threesomes before, but they never worked out, either because we were incompatible with the other girl, or she was just a straight up tease. And yeah I think I can call them teases, when they lead you on, get you hot and bothered and then leave you hanging.

I'm not imposing anything on anyone either, he brought it up, and he had the final say. Obviously I was excited about it potentially happening but I never pressured him to do it, and it wasn't even my idea in the first place. It was just something he really wanted to do for me.
07/27/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
So it seems my husband has opened himself up to the idea of having a threesome with a mutual friend of ours.

We have gone over things that we are and aren't comfortable with happening, and even talked about how we would handle things ... more
This is pretty common hun, it's not the end of the world or indicative of something wrong. Give him time and if it's meant to be it'll happen.
07/27/2013
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
This is pretty common hun, it's not the end of the world or indicative of something wrong. Give him time and if it's meant to be it'll happen.
I never said it was. Im just generally frustrated by the other people we try to involve. And after 4 years of fruitless attempts I think I can be.

My husband isnt the problem at all.
07/27/2013
Contributor: Diablotin Diablotin
Quote:
Originally posted by PinkySt
It didn't happen anyway but we have had an open relationship for years now. He is just trying to get over his hangups with me being with other guys.

We have also tried to have threesomes before, but they never worked out, either because ... more
Sorry. I was under the impression from your first posts that it was more your idea than his. I hope you get to realize your fantasies one day. If you both want it, it shall be pleasurable for both of you. ;-)
07/29/2013
Contributor: wideopenmale wideopenmale
IMO and worth about 1 cent. Stranger that's distance from home is best for first time. If don't work out you never see them.don't think about it when seeing them everyday. Distance make it less of back of mind problem.You may trust SO with life,but the mind is tricky little bastard.
07/30/2017