Hi Dw! Thanks for the link to the book, that will be useful for learning more about this subject

And the breathing suggestion I said gives the same effect as "pushing", but is psychologically easier (at least from what i've read and experienced) for people to grasp, and to be comfortable with. Breathing, which is an essential aspect of life, comes naturally and comfortably, and takes the focus off of your anus and onto your breath, lungs, and the air itself.

And I agree, setting a mood and taking your time, allowing yourself to relax is very important for a pleasurable anal experience

Anal can be fun if its done right, I agree with the relaxing part it really helped with me and my man when we first did it, he had never done anal with anyone before and he was scared he would hurt me..

I agree on solo play first, and relaxation is definitely key.

I think that's a very big fear for many men when they're experimenting for the first time! As much as us girls don't want to be hurt from it, i think sometimes it scares the guys even more because if they care about you, they're terrified their inexperience may hurt you. Thank you for bringing up that aspect of it as well! And it can be fun if done right

Those are all very good points, a lot of people forget to do graduated baby steps when doing anal, especially if they're new to it. Going to big things too quickly, or not using proper lube is going to make it a very painful experience, or more painful than need be at any rate. Thanks for contributing to my inquiry!

Another excellent thought, thanks!

Any lube will work but the thicker lubes (Consistency of hair gel) work better, the stay put better and typically last longer.

Silicone and oil based lubes work pretty good too but they are not as thick and they are not compatible with all materials. They are the lube of choice for shower play.

I can't speak for anal sex but for toy play I use Maximus with my soft material toys (Silicone, rubber etc.) and Better Sex Essentials (silicone) and ID Him (oil) lube for my glass and stainless toys.

The main thing to remember is that the anus/rectum does not produce a natural lube, so always use plenty. When you think you have enough, add more. There is no such thing as too much lube.

I find a lot of warm up helps. Also, I have to usually have an orgasm before we have anal sex. It totally relaxes me, and makes anal so beautiful that I'll usually come again.

Take your time, use plenty of lube, make sure you have an orgasm first, and take it S-L-O-W-L-Y.

We use Sliquid Ride H2O for anal and toys and everything else. It's great stuff. It's water based and is thick enough for long anal sessions, as well.

We'd second that! Sliquid Ride H2O for anal and now vaginal choice for the dryer menopausal vagina. Lube, lube, and lube again for pain free anal.

Aside from lube, the number one anal tip for avoiding pain, is a two pronged approach: 1) slowly as necessary to let the involuntary muscles of the anus relax, 2) focused concentration on allowing that relaxation to happen. Said otherwise, to avoid anal pain, never force an anus open.

A few minutes ago I decided to wear my Tantus Ryder. I wear it near daily, am obviously very receptive to it, but it still takes a varying amount of time to fully insert it without pain. Usually I'll thrust gently until I feel the involuntary contraction, then hold the plug in place and concentrate on relaxing the contracting sphincter. Repeat as necessary until the widest point of the toy is passed, then the sphincter naturally contracts along the "down slope" and pulls the plug the rest of the way in and I can enjoy.

It takes different amounts of time and types of stimulation for everybody. An episode of HBO's Real Sex depicted an anal sex clinic for couples. The teacher said it will be obvious when a person is ready for further penetration, because the anus will relax to allow it.

You can feel it happen with say your finger, but you can also see it happen. We tried a little vibratory stimulation of my wife's anal opening with a condomed Lollipopper, while she was Hitachiing her clit. At one point she eagerly pushed toward the Lollipopper as she started to orgasm, her hips suddenly relaxed and anal orifice visibly relaxed and she pushed against the toy taking about an inch of it in. That was only her second anal experience ever, probably would have been the last if I had started thrusting it that deep before she was ready.

We changed condoms on the Lollipopper and she then did me, beginning slowly as always is needed to will the anus to relax, but she was able to vigorously thrust the whole thing for me in a very short amount of time. Mostly because I am experienced enough now to mentally control sphincter contractions quicker.

In summary take you time and practice often.

Thanks for remembering to bring up the point that the anus/rectum does not produce a natural lube, so it's always better to add what you think will be "extra" lube. It's also not a bad thing to pause while inside your partner to add more lube if you start to feel like there's too much friction. It'll be far more uncomfortable to run out of lube than to pause for a few minutes. If you don't want to have to reinsert whatever is doing the penetrating, you can pull out part ways, cover the shaft with lube, and then slowly insert again, the lube will work it's way up as sex continues.