big and boring

Is it just me or is practically every monster dildo boring as hell? By boring I mean not making that electric transition to vibrator. We have tons of smaller vibrators, maybe barely scraping 2" diameter and 8" or so insertable at very largest, that have lots of cool functions from rotating heads to pulsations/escalations . We have lots of big fat dildos (mostly seems like realistic pornstar molds, or bloated jelly monstrosities), but very little in the way of combination of both. The biggest vibe I've ever found (that looked like an actual cock, and not one of those weirdo sci-fi artsy things you ladies seem to love--personally I wouldn't want those harder materials on anything massive) is the cherry scented vibro dong, and IMO at least its neither pleasant to use nor exciting in function.

I guess what I'd like to see is a kevin dean or john holmes with a few motors inside, some interesting functions, and WATERPROOF (I swear there needs to be a boycott against non-waterproof vibrators...but thats another rant)

Closest I've found which I don't believe is on here is the California Exotics big boy--got it coming in the mail, looks to be a tad shorter but a tad thicker than the cherry vibro, but is waterproof and has different vibration modes. Then you've got that ridiculously pubed out kong dong (don't own myself) thats got the realism and girth but not the length or functionality.

Anything out there I'm missing?