Hi! I'm looking for a dildo with a suction-cup base, but it seems like that's almost a universal complaint among reviewers. Regardless of product or website, they'll invariably say something like "suction cup is nearly useless".

Well, I want to be able to ride with wild abandon! I want to stick it on the floor and bounce like a cowboy on a buckin' bronco, and not have it lift off like a rocket. I want to stick it on the wall and throw my butt back on it like I'm trying to drive nails with my cheeks, and not have it pull away like my butt was a clawhammer. You get the point.

So, which is the best suction cup out there?

Also, I'm a guy with a nearly virginal anus (only ever had thin toys up there), so I'd like a dildo of realistic average size (I'd prefer unrealistically long with realistic girth over the opposite, if forced to choose one or the other).

Any recommendations greatly appreciated, and thanks in advance!