The New Intimacy

Be HONEST, How happy are you with your current sex life?

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Contributor: Noelle Noelle
Noelle
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Noelle
I've been married for 1 1/2 yrs. I LOVE my hubby with all of my heart. We have a fantastic relationship, BUT our sex life is almost non existant. There's no adventure or spontenaity (sp?). It's very routine for me. I love him too much to hurt his feelings, but I'm NOT satisfied.
We didn't live together or have sex w/ each other before we got married. I'm happy, but NOT...Am I being selfish?
08/01/2012
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Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
No, you're not being selfish. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. There are ways to talk to him and say your needs are not being met without being cruel. Just sit him down and calmly explain your position.

And to answer the question in the title, I've been married five years and I'm extremely satisfied with my sex life.
08/01/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
A satisfying sex life can take time to grow and develop. The more comfortable you get with each other and open about sex--the better it is going to get. Talking to each other, trying small things out and gaining confidence in bringing up larger sexual issues is a great way to start. Maybe he feels the same way and does not want to hurt your feelings?? Then you both are missing out on building a closer and more fulfilling sex life.
08/01/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
You are not being selfish! Communication is the only way things will get fixed. If you do nothing... he won't think anything is wrong. You have to talk about it. Hopefully you can come up with ideas of how to enjoy your sex life together!
08/01/2012
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
I'm not exactly satisfied either, because I waited. And waited. And waited. And now I'm old, still single, and have no sex life. I should have been a slut in college, I'd be happier now. Stupid shaming society. Bah.

Communication is the key. Go after what you want, if you just wait for something to change on its own, it won't.
08/01/2012
Contributor: Trysexual Trysexual
I'm in my 8th month and satisfied. I would like it more or more spontaneous sometimes, but I am very happy in my relationship. My last one was 6 yrs of mostly sexless, so I can't complain.
08/01/2012
Contributor: Ganconagh Ganconagh
Very satisfied. We communicate very openly about sex,in and out of bed. Yes, the male ego is a fragile thing lol, but, I would suggest you talk to your husband. It is all in the approach. Try "hey, Honey, what do you think about trying this..." or, during sex try to guide him with words or actions.
08/01/2012
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
Very satisfied with my love life. We're pretty good about communicating and talking about what we like. It can be a challenge to be spontaneous, but try something small and new, then see if it intrigues him.
08/01/2012
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
I'm not happy, to be honest. Sex is not frequent enough (about twice a week; I'd prefer it daily) and when it happens, is too short. I feel like my husband doesn't have enough patience for the amount of foreplay I require, and is not so interested in trying new things. I'm the one who has to bring up things like anal, BDSM, etc. He can't last very long, even with a condom (I'd say 20 minutes maximum.) Blames me for having a tight vagina. I've tried calmly talking about these issues but it doesn't get me anywhere. He says we will "work on it" but it never gets much better. I've thought about leaving since I'm so sexually frustrated, but he's an honest, hardworking man and that's hard to find these days.
08/02/2012
Contributor: Girly Juice Girly Juice
Not to be bragadocious, but my sex life is awesome because my partner and I are really good at communicating what we need and want. We've been together for about a year and a half and sex is still very fresh and exciting. (It helps that I have lots of toys to bring to the table!)
08/02/2012
Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
Fairly satisfied. I'm glad to have someone so accepting of my kinks. However, my sex drive is insanely high. Being male, he does have a "cool down" period. I wouldn't mind having sex slightly more often, but I'm happy to masturbate when I need to.
08/02/2012
Contributor: satinlady550 satinlady550
Quote:
Originally posted by Noelle
I've been married for 1 1/2 yrs. I LOVE my hubby with all of my heart. We have a fantastic relationship, BUT our sex life is almost non existant. There's no adventure or spontenaity (sp?). It's very routine for me. I love him too much to ... more
If your sex life is non exsistant after a year of marriage something is seriously lacking. You need to communicate with him and find out what he wants or desires in the bedroom.. Purchase some vibrators to satisfy your needs until the two of you can find a common ground.. Men are sexual beings so if he isn't interested you need to spice things up Maybe he is scared to approach you on what he desires..
08/02/2012
Contributor: Noelle Noelle
Quote:
Originally posted by satinlady550
If your sex life is non exsistant after a year of marriage something is seriously lacking. You need to communicate with him and find out what he wants or desires in the bedroom.. Purchase some vibrators to satisfy your needs until the two of you can ... more
I suppose I should have worded that differently. It's not non existant, it is just not frequent. Maybe once every 7-10 days..Not nearly enough for me!!! Trust me, I have toys and I use them all the time, pretty much everyday.
08/03/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
A satisfying sex life can take time to grow and develop. The more comfortable you get with each other and open about sex--the better it is going to get. Talking to each other, trying small things out and gaining confidence in bringing up larger ... more
...A satisfying sex life can take time to grow and develop. The more comfortable you get with each other and open about sex--the better it is going to get....

Yep, ^^ this.

I'm currently very satisfied with our sex life, but it's not a static thing, sex lives are constantly changing and both partners will need to be open about their needs throughout their lives together (if they both want to stay satisfied).

Your needs can be communicated to your husband in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way. For example, using only "I" statements rather than "you" statements, and focusing on the fact that what you want is more of your husband because of your love for him and the way he makes you feel.

I have, in the past, felt guilty when my needs in this regard weren't being met at times. But, we talked about it, and now I know that my needs are my needs - just like I don't feel guilty when I have to pee, eat, or drink water; I don't need to feel guilty about needing sex with my man. I also found, personally, that expressing those needs, and then seeing him step up to the plate to meet them for me made my love and respect for him grow.

Have a heart to heart, and remember that your goal is to be happy together. By being vulnerable to our partners we give our relationship room to really grow!

Best wishes!
08/03/2012
Contributor: apryls apryls
Quote:
Originally posted by Noelle
I've been married for 1 1/2 yrs. I LOVE my hubby with all of my heart. We have a fantastic relationship, BUT our sex life is almost non existant. There's no adventure or spontenaity (sp?). It's very routine for me. I love him too much to ... more
No, you're no being selfish. I've been with my hubby for 21 yrs and married for 12 yrs. We keep the spark in our relationship by always trying something and different. It doesn't matter if it's a new toy, position, role playing, watching a dirty movie, or even going to a hotel. Just spice it up a little and never give up :0)
08/05/2012