Miscarriage poll-Private voting

As some of you know, I had a miscarriage 10 days ago. It was and is still very hard for me, as you can imagine. My first pregnancy that I've been looking forward to for almost 10 years.... Anyway, one thing that I have been told is that "30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage"- Hence, I should feel comforted that it is a very common thing and there is likely nothing I could have done to prevent it. That is why I'm making this poll-I would like to know, of women who have been pregnant, how many have had a miscarriage/s? I have a feeling the figure is inflated so I would like to know from you guys. Thank you for your replies. less

I am so sorry to hear you lost your pregnancy. I hope you have some good support and if not that you are gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve the loss. It may have been a non-viable pregnancy and perhaps it was a genetic mistake but it was, at least for a little while, a little life that had meaning for you. You had dreams, hopes, fears and desires and that was cut short way too soon. Don't be ashamed of your grief or minimize it. Trust me, sweetheart, I know what you are going through. I would get pregnant about every 6 months for several years and then had one last for four months before it ended. I KNOW how much you are grieving, hurt, lost and feeling so alone especially when people try to comfort you by saying it was probably for the best...or it's common to lose a first tri-mester pregnancy...or that you can try again. They mean well but it really doesn't help, does it?
Anyhow, I went on to have three rough but healthy pregnancies and three healthy children. Don't lose hope, and by the next time you may be able to celebrate from day one instead of being all mixed up and scared inside. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for now though.
~Namaste less

The things you said are all true. I was extra cautious when I was pregnant, just because my mom has been brainwashing me with how hard it was for her, when she was pregnant with me and had bed rest through most of the pregnancy. For that reason, I was wary that I might mess my own pregnancies up, so I tried to be as careful as I can. less

My mother had two miscarriages (one between my older sister and I, the other between me and younger sister), my older sister had at least three before she was able to carry my nephew to term, and I have had one myself.

I'm currently on my third pregnancy. The first resulted in our son who'll turn 2 next month. When he was about 6 months old we found out that I was pregnant again. (I usually find out early, generally within the first week.) I'm naturally a worrisome person, so I didn't want to tell any of our family until after a decent amount of time had passed and we'd seen the doctor. We ended up telling everyone (including all our friends on facebook and my work) on Christmas Eve/Day. It was about three weeks after that, on our next visit to the doctor (I would've been about 18 wks), that an ultrasound showed there was no fetal heartbeat, and all growth had likely stopped about 9 weeks prior.

It was hard knowing that I had been carrying around our dead baby for 9 weeks without realizing it. Even harder having to go back and tell everyone the news. Even though I was extremely depressed for what felt like forever, it was somewhat comforting in retrospect knowing that it was likely some sort of chromosomal abnormailty or something, and that the loss, while still hard, was easier to handle as early as it happened rather than later on, where we would've been even more attached to it.

All I can say is, yes, it sucks bigtime. But eventually it will get better. Odds are it will probably take a while, but the grieving process is just one of those things that you have to push yourself through. I wish nothing but the best for you, and pray that the two of you will be able to heal from this as soon as possible. less

I am so sorry to hear you lost your pregnancy. I hope you have some good support and if not that you are gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve the loss. It may have been a non-viable pregnancy and perhaps it was a genetic mistake but it was, at least for a little while, a little life that had meaning for you. You had dreams, hopes, fears and desires and that was cut short way too soon. Don't be ashamed of your grief or minimize it. Trust me, sweetheart, I know what you are going through. I would get pregnant about every 6 months for several years and then had one last for four months before it ended. I KNOW how much you are grieving, hurt, lost and feeling so alone especially when people try to comfort you by saying it was probably for the best...or it's common to lose a first tri-mester pregnancy...or that you can try again. They mean well but it really doesn't help, does it?
Anyhow, I went on to have three rough but healthy pregnancies and three healthy children. Don't lose hope, and by the next time you may be able to celebrate from day one instead of being all mixed up and scared inside. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for now though.
~Namaste less

Thank you for the kind message, Airen Wolf. Fortunately I do have some good support: my husband and my lovely online friends on EF and another forum. Thanks to you guys, I'm healing slowly but surely...letting a lot of the anger and 'guilt' go (I know it's false guilt, but I've lived my entire life that way.) The one thing I still feel terrible about is that, in my state of shock, I flushed the tiny embryo down the toilet. :-( I wish I had put on gloves and scooped it out and buried it. Sorry if that detail grosses people out but I am still struggling with it and since 'talking' about this has helped so much...

You're right, sometimes comments hurt more than help. My dad was saying something about "This is nature's way to tell you you're not ready." I know he meant well, but it just reinforced the idea for me that this is MY fault (due to not being ready.) My mom's comment was even worse: "Aren't you glad God handled it this way?" Yeah, not too happy about that but that's her.

Did you end up being tested because of the multiple miscarriages? I can't imagine the pain you went through. :-( Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers-I know it's helping me. less

Ok now I am reading thru all the comments and sorry to hear for everyones loss. I have not cried in so long and I am over here and tears now. I had not given much thought to my m/c until now even though it was years ago. I would have three children right now if I did not m/c. less

I am heading into month 3 since mine. The hardest thing for me was I only knew I was pregnant for 2 days before the misscarriage, so I was on such a high and then it all just came crashing down. My husband is doing ok and has decided to "move on" but I am finding myself wollowing and wanting to think about where in my pregnance I would be, what I would be doing and how I would look, all sorts of things.
We aren't looking to start trying again for another 12 months but I am not sure if I want to want that long. less

^ I'm in the same boat as you. I wish my husband would talk about the baby sometimes, share his feelings with me, but he never does. I have a feeling he doesn't care anymore. Just because it happened in March doesn't mean the feelings aren't there! I look at a woman as pregnant as I would be now and I wonder what sex my baby would be and what she would look like. My husband finally found someone to sponsor his immigration (I can't) so maybe we will start trying for another baby soon. less