The New Intimacy

In a rut

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Contributor: Lisset Finnien Lisset Finnien
I am 47 and frustrated about the sex life in my relationship. I have a loving very bf who’s wonderful to me. We have a great relationship except for the sex. He just doesn’t seem to be interested very often. Only if I instigate it does he get in the mood. We’ve been together for almost seven years. We went out about 25 years ago and I broke his heart horribly. He seems very happy with me and I would never suspect him of cheating. He doesn’t have a cheating bone in his body. He’s quite shy.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we are both very submissive. He says he’s in the mood when it’s to late and I’m going to work. He’ll say We could have had sex last night. And I reply then why didn’t you do something about it? He just shrugs. For the last few months Ive been sexting with someone. I think it’s just frustration acting out but I was enjoying it immensely. I feel guilty but not enough to stop. Being submissive, I guess I just don’t have the go to broach the subject. I have never been with anything other then a very dominating man which I enjoy a lot. I’ve always expected the man to take charge and they always have so to find myself with a man who won’t even pick a restaurant to eat at never mind instigating sex is a real hardship for me.. he’s never even performed oral on me in 7 years...I’m in a rut and I havent the foggiest clue how to get out
09/30/2018
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Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
IMO two submissive partners will never be happy - someone has to be willing to take charge. In your case, I suspect you are going to have to become the dominant one - or look for another partner. I'm not a fan of infidelity, but others find it quite acceptable.

My wife was never the one to initiate sexual activity - like you she figured that was the man's job. After 25+ years together, I got a bit tired of it.

I bought blindfolds, cuffs, paddles, gags and other sub gear and started wearing it - it forced her to 'do something' if she wanted to have sex. Luckily for me, she has learned to like - or at least accept the role of Domme.

You'll have to explore how open he is to you tying him up, etc. The blindfold is great for beginners, because it allows you to fumble around a bit without embarrassment. You'll also find that the blindfold can be used to create anticipation.

One of many scenarios we use...
Last night I was bound and forced to watch her masturbate to several orgasms until I was forced to lick and suck her juicy pussy - and because I like to do it - her ass as well.

It was a great start and much fun was had by all. Sometimes all it takes is something to break the inertia. Look around the various Femdom websites on Tumblr - there will be a ton of ideas. Many will be too radical for now - but there is enough there to get you started.

Best of luck.
09/30/2018
Contributor: Lisset Finnien Lisset Finnien
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
IMO two submissive partners will never be happy - someone has to be willing to take charge. In your case, I suspect you are going to have to become the dominant one - or look for another partner. I'm not a fan of infidelity, but others find it ... more
Gunsmoke, I dont see myself in the dom role. It simply does nothing for me. However I would be willing to try it if it were a two-way street. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. I debated getting a toy specifically for him but I haven’t found the courage yet. I have ordered some flavored lubes ... I hafta start somewhere, it’s a small step but it’s at least a step. I tried to get him interested the other morning, I wanted him to taste it, told him I thought it was delicious . It’s a peaches and cream edible warming gel. He said “not right now, maybe later.” I tried again later getting the same response.
I’ve never physically cheated on him and I hope that I never will. The sexting, which considering the guilts and secretiveness , ive come to think is still cheating, just of a different sort. Funny, I never considered sexting really cheating. But I wouldn’t have to hide it if it weren’t cheating now would I.
I have to take the blame for this I guess. I’ve let so much time go by that it’s just the way things are.
I’m gonna try and work on it. If I can drag him away from his cat and Judge Judy.
10/03/2018
Contributor: Lisset Finnien Lisset Finnien
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
IMO two submissive partners will never be happy - someone has to be willing to take charge. In your case, I suspect you are going to have to become the dominant one - or look for another partner. I'm not a fan of infidelity, but others find it ... more
I was just sitting here musing your response....did you actually just walk in the room one day wearing sub gear? I’d like to hear about this first day I’d youre willing to share . Lisset
10/03/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Lisset Finnien
I was just sitting here musing your response....did you actually just walk in the room one day wearing sub gear? I’d like to hear about this first day I’d youre willing to share . Lisset
Well it wasn't quite like that. It was a bit more gradual. Starting with blindfolds and cheap Velcro cuffs we experimented a bit. That didn't lead to much more than tickling and teasing.

Next I bought a 'slapper', then a 2nd, 3rd, etc. At first we took turns but it quickly became clear that she didn't care for being struck - but that I loved it. She was quite reluctant to strike as hard as I wanted, but she 'warmed up' to the idea - along with my now frequently red ass.

Adding a collar, leash and gag kind of round out the gear (along with lots of different types of paddles, floggers, etc. We both like nipple clamps, but her's can't be too strong - for me we just use clothespins!

I do something called topping-from-the-botto m. Since I buy all the implements and encourage her to use them - I somewhat control the situation. We do a lot of sexting and I email her Tumblr images of things I'd like to try - these tactics have had a profound impact (bad pun) on her willingness to be aggressive.

Lately she has been taking more of the initiative - maybe someday she will truly embrace the Domme role.
10/04/2018
Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Dear Lisset, you have mentioned in one of your posts here on the forum, that your boyfriend has no idea about your sex toy collection. So here is a thought - maybe, you would sit him down one night and show him all of it? The shock might be strong, but it also can work as a wakeup call for him, provoking that same sexual awakening you had. He might get immensely turned on simply by picturing you having fun with all those plugs you have by now. Maybe it will raise his sexual appetite, maybe not - at least it's definitely worth a try.
10/15/2018