Grow - a - pecker - gags discontinued by Pipedream - review by Jul!a

You know those dinosaurs and sea creatures and other animals you would drop in water and "grow" your own pet when you were younger? This is basically the grown up version of that, being a penis instead of a friendly animal. Well, ok, dinosaurs aren't all that friendly, but still.

The package is your typical blister pack novelty item. It obviously holds a penis that grows in water. You can see the ungrown penis through the little plastic window. The back piece of cardboard also gives you an estimate of size as it grows; with an illustration for 4 hours, 8 hours, and 12 hours. It also has directions: put growing penis in a jar, bowl, or bottle. Add water, it will grow within a few hours. Remove water and it will shrink to its original size. Can be used again and again.



When I first took it out of the package, it was a whopping 2" long. After finding something that would hold what the maximum penis size was supposed to be, I filled it with water and dropped the penis in. It took on a slimy texture, like touching the green grassy looking stuff underneath a dock. At least that's what it reminded me of anyway.

After about 20 minutes it had started growing, but not very much. After 3 1/2" hours it was about 1/4" longer than when it started, and a bit thicker. At 4 hours I decided to see how it matched up to the packaging, and it was longer than it "advertised" at 4 hours, but not as thick. After 24 hours it still wasn't much different, so I left it in another almost 24 hours. End result? It's about 4" long and nowhere near what it's "supposed" to look like according to the packaging.



After doing all that expanding, it had an interesting texture to it; soft and dense but still had a lot of give to it. If you squeezed it really hard you could get water to appear but not drip anywhere, but it always felt wet to the touch. Squeezing it repeatedly also managed to result in getting stuff that sort of, I'm not sure, scraped off? the penis onto my fingers and under my nails somehow. The best thing I can think of to describe the stuff that came off was the inside of a menstrual pad the one time I cut a fresh one in half and watched what happened to the gel inside. Only in much smaller quantities. After 2 days it had shrunk a little bit, and didn't feel wet anymore. It had shrunk down about as far as it was going to after about 5 days and was now left a little bigger than when we started and pretty squishy still.



As for storage between uses, I'd recommend a plastic bag to keep your penis free of gunk but otherwise you could really keep it anywhere you want.

I won't lie, I wasn't expecting much from this. On the plus side that means that when it wasn't super fantastic, I really wasn't disappointed. I had fun growing it, but I really don't see it being used on anything resembling a regular basis. Cute gag gift, but that's about it really.