Smooth tool - probe by Doc Johnson - review by PolyGirl

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“Smooth” and “Tool” are Not Usually Compliments

The Smooth Tool is a nice enough shape and design and may be ok for a few uses or maybe a good cheap gag gift, but, as a toy, the jelly material makes it the kind of bargain that still isn’t worth the cost.
Friendly shape and size, Non-penis-looking, Cheap
Material hard to clean – needs a condom. Can cause burning sensation over time
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review
Ok, this toy seemed like a good idea at the time: kind of like the good looking guy you make a first date with only to discover he’s a mouth breather. But, let’s be fair, maybe the good looking guy deserves a second chance, a second date. After all, breathing isn’t everything. But when, on the second date, he sticks you with the check… well… that’s when you defriend him on Facebook. This is the only toy I’ve ever wanted to “defriend.” (“Throw in the trash”, for those of you who don’t know Facebook.) How many more metaphors can I come up with for how I feel about this toy? Bunches, but let’s be specific here:


Yes, it is. It’s smooth and soft and a pleasant enough purple. It’s a friendly size. It’s marketed as an anal probe, but it’s to be expected with this shape and size (and it’s clear from other reviews) that it’s going to be used vaginally. It’s a fine design for that. One of my male partners liked using this one on me better than others because he could hold it firmly in his fist; meaning it’s long enough and comfortable to hold, but he didn’t feel like he was in danger of hurting me, meaning it’s really soft and flexible. It felt ok, but nothing to brag about. It’s too flexible, really, and the material, without a condom, and even with lube, causes a bit too much friction for my taste.

That’s the major issue, though, the soft, flexible material it’s made from. I’m a safety-rating-of-10-silicone-and-glass girl usually, but I have been known to dabble in other materials if the price and design are right. And, price and design can’t be beat on this toy. However, jelly, with a safety rating of 2, is pushing it. This is the only toy I feel that I have to wash BEFORE using, and during, too, for that matter. The toy picks up lint, dust, hair, small pets… like nothing else I’ve ever used. Other reviewers suggest using condoms with it. This is certainly a possibility, especially if you don’t plan to keep this toy for long (party favors? gag gifts?) but, do consider, if you buy this for the price… and I’m a big bargain shopper myself, so I understand, but… if you buy this for the price, it will cost you every time you use it, if it needs a condom, and it really needs a condom. Which brings us to the final point:


Another reviewer commented that this toy will burn you. She is absolutely right – please wait while this review is paused for the reviewer to make a mad dash to the shower – it does. Burn. This was a first toy, bought some time ago, when I was new to toys, afraid of spending too much or purchasing anything too hard or too indiscreet. It was never a favorite because it was just too soft and too hard to keep clean. So, I knew I wasn’t crazy about this toy but wanted to give it a fair review, so I tried it again. Ouch. After a little over two years, the toy looks and feels fine. There’s no visual evidence of “melting,” no nicks, no discoloration. I washed it before use. I didn’t use a condom, since that seemed pointless to reviewing the material, and… let’s just say this experience has not redeemed this toy in my eyes at all. It burned. Taking it out did not stop the burning. Taking a quick shower did, so no harm done. But, this “smooth tool” is NOT getting a third date. If this were Facebook, I’d be searching for the Dislike button.
Follow-up commentary
This is the only toy I have ever thrown away. I just didn't want something that burns to hang around.
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  • Jul!a
    I love the facebook references you made, cracked me up. Great review dear!
  • Kim!
    I really like your review. This thing doesn't even look appealing to be honest. Unless you are sword fighting, that might be sort of fun.
  • Sammi
    Good review!
  • ~LaUr3n~
    I'm glad that you included what you learned elsewhere
  • SweetestAngelGoneBad
    I have noticed that all my jelly type toys burn after a few years. Wonder if its some kind of chemical reaction or something?
  • P'Gell
    Good review, and funny, too. Hon, I don't use Jelly toys, because I am allergic to rubber and latex. (also because they have that awful, carcinogenic crap in them as well.) Have you considered an allergy? Mine went from vaginal irritation while using latex condoms to a full blown allergy attack while using latex gloves to clean my bathroom out of the blue. I almost couldn't breathe! I work in health care, so I've had exposure to a LOT of latex in the past, but latex and rubber are common allergies and "burning" is one of the first symptoms.

    It makes sense that one would spend more on condoms to cover this toy than the price of the toy in a very short time. Also, if this is an anal toy, the anus absorbs more stuff from what is put into it than the vagina, so it would be even more dangerous used anally, although I wouldn't touch this toy, or this material to my vagina with a 20 ft pole.

    You may want to have it checked out. You don't want to go have respiratory problems while having sex with a guy wearing a latex condom. Not trying to scare you, but it's a possibility. Not fun.

    I look forward to more of your reviews, though, this one was well done and very funny.
  • ? Amanda ?
    Thanks so much for the review.
  • Kcito
    jelly toys are not the safest,

    silicon or steel or glass is the way to go.

    rubber sucks too

  • PolyGirl
    I notice a while ago that Doc Johnson took my advice, yes, I am sure they read my reviews , and made a silicone version of this.
  • ceshephe
  • unfulfilled
    great review!!
  • Jon S
    ty for the review
  • 0letitgrow
    Thanks for the review!
  • mudpie
    Thanks for the review! I love the title!
  • Undead
    Good review
  • Kissy
    Burning sensation.. yikes! Thanks for the review!
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