Ok, this toy seemed like a good idea at the time: kind of like the good looking guy you make a first date with only to discover he’s a mouth breather. But, let’s be fair, maybe the good looking guy deserves a second chance, a second date. After all, breathing isn’t everything. But when, on the second date, he sticks you with the check… well… that’s when you defriend him on Facebook. This is the only toy I’ve ever wanted to “defriend.” (“Throw in the trash”, for those of you who don’t know Facebook.) How many more metaphors can I come up with for how I feel about this toy? Bunches, but let’s be specific here:

“Smooth”

Yes, it is. It’s smooth and soft and a pleasant enough purple. It’s a friendly size. It’s marketed as an anal probe, but it’s to be expected with this shape and size (and it’s clear from other reviews) that it’s going to be used vaginally. It’s a fine design for that. One of my male partners liked using this one on me better than others because he could hold it firmly in his fist; meaning it’s long enough and comfortable to hold, but he didn’t feel like he was in danger of hurting me, meaning it’s really soft and flexible. It felt ok, but nothing to brag about. It’s too flexible, really, and the material, without a condom, and even with lube, causes a bit too much friction for my taste.

That’s the major issue, though, the soft, flexible material it’s made from. I’m a safety-rating-of-10-silicone-and-glass girl usually, but I have been known to dabble in other materials if the price and design are right. And, price and design can’t be beat on this toy. However, jelly, with a safety rating of 2, is pushing it. This is the only toy I feel that I have to wash BEFORE using, and during, too, for that matter. The toy picks up lint, dust, hair, small pets… like nothing else I’ve ever used. Other reviewers suggest using condoms with it. This is certainly a possibility, especially if you don’t plan to keep this toy for long (party favors? gag gifts?) but, do consider, if you buy this for the price… and I’m a big bargain shopper myself, so I understand, but… if you buy this for the price, it will cost you every time you use it, if it needs a condom, and it really needs a condom. Which brings us to the final point:

“Tool”

Another reviewer commented that this toy will burn you. She is absolutely right – please wait while this review is paused for the reviewer to make a mad dash to the shower – it does. Burn. This was a first toy, bought some time ago, when I was new to toys, afraid of spending too much or purchasing anything too hard or too indiscreet. It was never a favorite because it was just too soft and too hard to keep clean. So, I knew I wasn’t crazy about this toy but wanted to give it a fair review, so I tried it again. Ouch. After a little over two years, the toy looks and feels fine. There’s no visual evidence of “melting,” no nicks, no discoloration. I washed it before use. I didn’t use a condom, since that seemed pointless to reviewing the material, and… let’s just say this experience has not redeemed this toy in my eyes at all. It burned. Taking it out did not stop the burning. Taking a quick shower did, so no harm done. But, this “smooth tool” is NOT getting a third date. If this were Facebook, I’d be searching for the Dislike button.

This is the only toy I have ever thrown away. I just didn't want something that burns to hang around.