So if you know me or my previous reviews, then you know that I don't seem to have a high success rate with glass toys. The good news with this one? It is exactly what it appears to be in the pictures. The bad news? Well, to put it rather bluntly, it feels like a cheese-grater. I know, I know, it's a horrible image to have when it comes to inserting something into your pussy. So I do want to put a disclaimer on this that this is how the toy worked for me and only me and it doesn't mean it might not work for someone else. Ok, got it? Then let's go.

First, this is glass. Pretty standard glass, at that. It's not flawless but it's solid and didn't arrive with any imperfections that would compromise its safety or lifespan. The material is wonderful, as I've previously covered in many of my other glass toy reviews. It can be warmed, chilled, and sterilized. It can be used with any lubricant, in any orifice (though there's no safety base for anal play so be careful!), and washed in any way you see it. Yup, pretty awesome. Just be careful with it because it is very hard and will hurt if you drop it on your feet or will damage your porcelain sink if dropped during cleaning. Also, don't thrust too hard, ok?

Second thing you will notice about this toy is the texture. And oh does it have texture! Texture and a half! With a side of fries and a bag o' chips! If you don't like texture, this is your exit point. If you do like texture (or at least think you do), then please stay tuned!

So I had been thinking about writing this review for quite some time in order to come up with adequate comparisons for this unique texture. I wish I had a way of letting everyone feel how extreme it was! But since I don't, I had to settle for words. So it's not that the ridges are that high or that they're sharp. And it's not that the grooves in them are deep or widely spaced. But, my dears, they are not to be underestimated. Since they are aligned to be perpendicular to your body when inserted (meaning they are not moving in the direction of the thrusts), they are exponentially more effective. There is almost no slope to them like the ripples found in some juicers. Think: rumble strips on the side of the highway! They look like small dents that would just create a slight vibration or distraction but when you drive over them it's "Oh my god! I'm being shot at!"

But instead of making this toy loud, it just makes it feel like it's grating my insides. (Insert wincing face here.) My only way of using it for any level of enjoyment was inserting it and only moving it in very small, careful movements and with plenty of lubricant. What I really wish for this toy is for the ripples to be slightly angled to the side in a diagonal so there's less grating and more juicing.

The other aspect of this toy is the shape. Ignoring the ridges, you can suddenly see this glass piece is curved. Actually, I love the shape. It's easy to keep a grip on and helps me reach my ever-so-difficult-but-oh-so-wonderful G-spot! If only those ripples didn't take away from those curves.

As far as the packaging goes, I'm currently keeping mine in a separately purchased padded pouch (say that 5 times fast!). And I've owned this toy for quite some time so the original packaging it came in as long since disappeared. So I won't even pretend I remember it at this point. But I will say that it's super duper easy to care for your glass toys! It won't warp, deform, stain, or carry smells. So whatever works for you will be find for Ripply-Grater/Rumble-Strip Dildo here.

As a last minute redeeming feature for this dildo, which I think earns it a whopping 2-stars, is that you can always use some massage oil and rub this up and down the sore back of your work weary partner. Honestly, I've gotten more pleasure out of this dildo putting it on the floor and rubbing my feet over it in a rolling motion. (Who knew that what wasn't good for the pussy may be good for the feet?!)