Blush UR3 dong - dildo sex toy by Doc Johnson - review by Falsepast

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You deserve the most painful death imaginable!

This thing is a failure as everything it is meant to be. It never went in, and i just ended up cutting this useless thing to pieces. The thing that irritates me so much is that i put so much time and effort just trying to get this thing in me.
UR3 smell, soft
EVERYTHING, i can't even use it, useless
Rating by reviewer:
useful review
NOTE: This review was done by a boy who is very, VERY ANGRY.

Have you ever seen The Waterboy, where Bobby Boucher gets super pissed remembering all the people calling him names? That's me right now.
When I got this toy I liked the feel and smell, I don't know why, but I've always liked that sickly sweet scent that comes with UR3 products. That is ALL that's good about this toy.
I tried for a good 30 minutes to get this thing in my butt every which way I could and nothing!!! There were times (about 3) when I got the tip of the head in, but then it slipped out, this stupid thing never went in! I tried and tried, used lube, dried my hands and tried to stick it in again, but...UUUHHHHRRRRRAAAAAAHHHHH!!! I feel like Naruto and I'm about to go 6-tails on this bitch!

Feel: On my hands it felt soft, supremely stretchy, and supremely squishy. It's like a flaccid dick that stretches and squishes VERY easily.

Taste: I didn't taste it. This stupid thing doesn't deserve a blowjob from me!

Smell: It smells like all UR3 products smell. If you've never bought a UR3 product, it has a sickly sweet scent that is definitely noticeable, even through a plastic bag.

Look: Well, right about now, it's cut in 5 pieces in my trash can. Before, it had a pink head but the color fades, making the entire thing clear. It looked like it would be so fun but, alas, I hate this stupid sorry excuse of a sex toy.

The only thing this MAY be useful for is cockslapping people with it.

Like i said, this thing is useless. It's super squishy, stretchy, floppy, and the material is unsafe too! This thing is just soooo irritating. It caused so much stress and pain because i had to keep arching my back, trying to control it and push it in my butt. By the end, my hands hurt, my back hurt, i was tired, and full of anger. I had to get myself off by hand.
It's like trying to have sex with a REALLY big long gummy worm, only stretchy and squishier.
Follow-up commentary
This thing is still dead and I still hate it so much. It was terrible and it still irritates me to think of all the time, lube, and effort I put towards using this useless thing.
I would probably not even give this to someone as a gag joke, unless my plan was to have them get very mad with me.
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My Blush UR3 dong tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Nothing
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Nowhere
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Nothing
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Nowhere
This review was edited by
  • Lucky21 Lucky21
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  • Edited reviews: 146
  • chula101
    Too funny...I feel your frustration
  • hesteele09
    This review was awesome, had me laughing the whole time!! lol Thanks for the honesty review!
  • Mr. T.Newbie
    Good Review!!
  • ksparkles16
    haha...sorry it didn't work for you
  • panda555
    HAHA booo that sucks, awesome review though
  • Cat E.
    Love an honest review.
  • Peggi
    I...will getting this toy lol.

    I'm sorry that you didn't even get to use it once!

    Personally, I think you lucked out. This actually isn't something I'd ever use for anal because it can't be sterilized and is very porous, so it could do more harm than good if you did get it in there. Plus, there isn't a flared base to make this anal safe, so just bad all around. I'd think this would be easy for vaginal insertion, because our girly bits aren't as tight as the back door!

    I hope you find a use for this though! Maybe one of those stress balls or something for when you are mad. You can throw it at a wall and seems it might bounce right off for you!
  • Falsepast
    @Peggi wish i would've tried throwing it at the wall before i chopped it up
  • Lowl
    thanx! for sharing
  • Falsepast
    You're welcome
  • Pyreiel
    Ok this review is hilarious.
  • MK434
    Thanks for the review!
  • Wicked Wahine
    Love the title! Thanks for the amusing, to us at least, review. Shame it was a waste of money & effort!
  • KrissyNovacaine
    Thanks for the review!
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