Gia Darling futurotic masturbator - pocket pussie by Cal Exotics - review by Falsepast

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Gia, Darling you let me down.

After realizing all the problems and annoyances this toy comes with, I realized, "Why not just use the Miho deep throat toy instead since it feels the same?" This toy has way too many problems for me to deal with and wasn't very pleasurable anyway, because it is too short. I believe the only reason this toy should be bought instead of the Miho deep throat is because of the visual appeal of having sex with a "chick with a dick", but even then the toy has too many cons to really enjoy.
It's modeled after a "chick with a dick" and the box is hot.
Sticky. Small. Hard to hold. Same texture as Miho.
Rating by reviewer:
useful review
I was super excited about getting the Gia Darling masturbator, and was expecting to give it a 5-star review as the other reviewers did, but sadly here we are, and this is nowhere near a 5-star review.

When I opened the box, I instantly noticed one of the breasts was flattened, and scarred. It seemed to have 2 very noticeable scratches on it, but I didn't really care. So what if it has a couple of imperfections do to the manufacturer? I thought that's where the cons ended but...that's just the beginning.

Look: The Gia Darling masturbator is a masturbator which is supposed to be modeled a "chick with a dick" as the box says. It is a small 4 inch toy shaped after a body with breasts, a butt, a butthole, and most importantly, a penis. I think it is pretty cool that it is different from the standard female masturbators.

Feel/Use: This toy is soft and feels nice, but will get annoyingly sticky when wet. Now, one thing I always like to do is take a look inside and see what kind of texture I'm working my surprise, the texture was VERY familiar... And then I realized, it is the EXACT same ribbed texture as my Miho Deep Throat!

Well, after lubing up a bit, I started using it. One notable thing is the small entrance. It takes just a bit more effort to get in than with other masturbators, but that's not a big problem for me (Note: it may be a problem for men with really thick porn star sized dicks). Once I got in I realized, it feels just like Miho as well, but then the problems started.

I realized a couple of seconds into it that it is difficult to hold on to the whole masturbator due to the breasts on it. It also didn't help that my penis didn't go through all the way for some weird reason. It's kind of hard to describe but, it's like somehow it just pushed out towards the toys 'back'. So I flipped the toy so that I could see its back and butt, and I could see my penis through it. The material on it's backside is apparently not very thick because I could clearly make out my penis as though the toy were clear. I managed to push my penis through and see the head come out the back, but it was just very strange... Again, it is hard to explain, so if you don't understand, I apologize. As if these problems weren't enough, now I had to deal with the icky, sticky feeling the toy developed all over after I got lube on it from my hands.

Taste/Smell/Noise: This masturbator made no real noticeable noise while it was in use, and the smell is very light and isn't much of a problem. It is just the standard "new toy" smell. I did taste this toy (I licked the breasts and penis a little before use) and I can say there's no real taste, but it is fun to suck on the little breasts a bit.

Packaging: This box is absolutely not discreet! At the top of the box it says, "Sometimes, you need a chick with a dick!". Underneath this it says, "Gia Darling Futurotic Masturbator". And underneath that it says, "Soft, Supple Life-like Beat-off Buddy" next to this, it features a picture of who I suppose to be Gia, sitting on a chair with her breasts and flaccid penis exposed. There is also another picture in the front of the toy itself. As if this weren't enough to scream "I am a sex toy!" The sides of the box feature a picture of her flashing her (wonderful) round ass and the back of the box has 2 other pictures of the toy and another picture of Gia, this time with her fingers attracting more attention to her penis.

I find it funny that the box is such an overkill with all the pictures, but aside from that, the box is perfect for storage.
Follow-up commentary
Nope. This one just did not work. I think if I had to name just ONE huge problem, it would be that this thing has a very thin back, and that really effects the feel negatively. I tried this multiple times after the review and it just was not good enough.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Gia Darling futurotic masturbator tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Masturbation
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Bedroom / on a bed
    • Campus/roommate living
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Genitals
This review was edited by
  • badk1tty badk1tty
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Do you like this review?
  • susansmith2012
    thanks for the review!
  • Jon S
    good review
  • Jimbo Jones
    Interesting sleeve. Doesn't sound like it has much going for it. Thanks for the great review.
  • romstomp
    Think I will avoid this one, thank you for the review
  • MrWishyWashy
    Great job, thanks for sharing!
  • Falsepast
    Thank you for all your comments and no, it doesn't have much going for it at all.
  • TheSinDoll
    Gah. I love the concept, but it doesn't sound as if it came together as planned. I'm sorry you had such a difficult time with it. Recommendations: Lubes? Cleaning?
  • CindyH
    nice review
  • Falsepast
    Thanks @CindyH
  • Andrey2052
    Beautifil review.
  • Madonion
    Decent review.
  • Falsepast
    @andrey thank you.
  • thesquaredeific
    Thanks for the review.
  • Falsepast
    You're welcome
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