Dream Meh-sager

I wanted to like The Dream Massager; the texture is wonderful, the weight is great, but it just couldn't get me there. With weak vibrations and the inability to move this toy while inserted, it was just pointless and frustrating.
Velvety texture, easy to care for, water-proof
Vibrations too weak, awkward to use internally
Rating by reviewer:
useful review


The Dream Massager is awfully cute, not intimidating, and deliciously firm. It's meant for vaginal play (yay!) but only has one vibration setting with a speed control. However, I had a hard time finding a good use for the Dream Massager.

Attempted Use 1: Insertion
The bulby shape of the Dream Massager feels good, gives a decent amount of girth pressure, and has a nice weight to it. However, the relatively short size and lack of an obvious handle-area means it's difficult to thrust. If you like having a nice, full sensation, without movement, this could be a winner. I don't normally enjoy internal buzzing, but this was mild enough that I didn't mind.

Attempted Use 2: Clitoral Buzzing
Nope. I mean, it just lazily does its business without even coming close to speeds and intensity that could get me off.

Attempted Use 3: Awkwardly grinding on it
So, this was kind of nice actually. Way too much effort for me... but I wanted to find a use for it! I straddled some stacked pillows and ran my clit along Dreamy. It left me frustrated at how long it took, but damn it, I got there!

I'm not sure I would recommend this, except perhaps to someone who is unusually sensitive to vibration or thrusting. On the plus side, Dreamy is rather quiet, so it's safe to buzz away in most living situations!
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Couples
    • Everyone
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • All over body

Material / Texture

Out of the package, The Dream Massager has no smell. The texture has that delicious velvety feel, but nice and smooth, not grainy. For those who have a sensitivity to products with phthalates (as I do), you won't have a problem here. I really like the heft this has when you insert batteries. It feels substantial, not flimsy.
    • Bumpy
    • No odor
    • Not porous at all

Design / Shape / Size

Dreamy has some issues. While the shape is appealing visually, the smooth bulbous design leaves it lacking a good place to grip. Thrusting is near impossible solo, and seems like it would lead to some clumsy couples play.

I wouldn't necessarily even call this a beginner's toy as far as size is concerned. It's shorter, but it's hard to handle and may frustrate a beginner.

The discreet shape, while it wouldn't fool anyone, would probably be substantially less embarrassing to be caught with than a giant penis-shaped toy. It wouldn't be easy to conceal and take with you on a regular basis. Not really a purse companion, that's for sure.
    • Beginner
    • Discreet look/design

Functions / Performance / Controls

The controls are smoothly integrated into the design of the toy. There is a twist dial located on the "bottom", or largest bulb of The Dream Massager. I do like the smooth dial control, and it seems to work well. The dial increases the speed of vibration. It's very quiet, and it held up when tested in the tub.

Unfortunately, the weak vibes bummed me out. I did enjoy the nice, girthy full feeling it gave me, but no thrusting was involved.
    • Discreet sound
    • Not enough variety
    • Weak

Care and Maintenance

All types of lube can be used with this toy as it is made of plastic. Cleaning is super simple as well, wash with a toy cleaner and water, or soap and water. The packaging sucks for storage, so stick Dreamy into a plastic baggy or drawstring bag.
    • Easy to clean
    • Easy to store
Follow-up commentary
I gave the Dream Massager a few more tries, and have been equally disappointed with its performance each time. It's just such a slow tease, I always have to turn to my favorites to finish.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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This review was edited by
  • badk1tty Contributor: badk1tty
  • Rank:
  • Edited reviews: 155
  • Contributor: FieryRed
    Great detail and writing on this, but I'm sorry, I had to vote SU because of some misinformation. I just received mine, and the package says that it features a "Soft Rubber Cote" and that only rubber-compatible lubes should be used. I also don't see any statement of it being phthalate-free, though there is a tiny "Safe & Pure" mark on the front.
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