Stay Away from My Steam Punk Booty!

My partner and I loved the first Pirates porn (hated the second), and we thought it was really cool that the porn had their own line of toys. I never got around to getting one until recently. I wasn't expecting much from this toy since it is a novelty item. Most novelty items don't often do much in terms of function. They are usually a one trick pony. I have to admit I didn't thoroughly read reviews on this. So I pleased and surprised to see that this bullet has five speeds/patterns. It's actually the Speeding Bullets-Armor Piercing from Evolved. I'm not sure which came first. The design for this toy and that evolved into the Speeding Bullets line or that bullet was chosen to be bedazzled for this novelty bullet. Either way I was excited because I love the Armor Piercing Bullet. I have to say that I didn't like this bullet as much for a few reasons, but I still ended up impressed.

If you are looking for a semi-discreet, fun, novelty vibrator, or just something different, this bullet is for you as long as you don't require a power house.

The bullet is made of plastic that is coated in a metallic finish. The chain is made of some type of metal. The plastic is very glossy and smooth, which means that it may not require lubricant. This is a plus if you want to use this on the go. The plastic is non-porous that is free of latex and phthalates. It is hypo-allergenic, food-grade, and won't collect lint. Even though this material is non-porous, it cannot be sterilized, so share with caution or use a condom. Using a condom isn't the easiest on this small sized toy.

This bullet also comes in metallic pink, white, black, copper, gold, and silver. Eden only has the metals. I chose the copper since I thought it looked the least cheap.

The texture is interesting. There are various raised graphics all over the surface of the bullet. They all have the pirates theme of things like skulls, spiders, and hooks. I couldn't feel it much during use, but the textured look is really neat.

While the shape is pretty much the Armor Piercing bullet, it doesn't have EXACTLY the same dimensions. The most noticeable difference is the more pointed instead of rounded end. The bullet is designed to look like a pendant on a chain. It's about 2 1/2" long, 2 3/4" when the push button on the end is included. The pointy tip goes into a cone as it gets wider. This where the thickest part is at 1". It slims out in the middle and then gets a little wider towards the base and battery compartment. The bottom third screws off so that the three included watch batteries can be slid in. They come with a paper stopper. Remove this before use. The batteries are much thinner than those I have seen in the past and might be hard to find. This is the first toy I have used that has thin wafer like batteries.

At the base is the push button control. It also has a ring through it that attaches the bullet to the long metal chain (about 24"). The chain secures with one of those little contraptions that the end ball snaps into. The vibrator is only splash proof, not water proof, so make sure to tighten the end cap.

This bullet is discreet in the fact that people won't have any clue it is a sex toy, but it does draw attention. The design is gaudy and not something I would wear unless it was Halloween or a themed party. It is excellent for travel though.

I really wasn't expecting this bullet to have more than one speed. It has five different programs! It even has patterns. All you have to do is press the button at the base which will start the first program. There is no on/off button which is a pain. I also recommend removing the bullet from the chain since it can rattle and make a ton of noise if you don't.

These are the programs:

1. Medium, steady vibration
2. High, steady vibration
3. Medium-high pulsing
4. Medium-high pulsing faster
5. Quick medium-high pulse and then a longer high, steady vibration

The power level is probably good for a lot of women, but not those who want a power house. The vibrations are slightly buzzy so those with sensitive clits might want to stay away from this too. Without the chain the levels of sound are pretty low too. They probably couldn't be heard through a door if the bullet is in contact with the body. The vibrations do make my hand go numb. There isn't a place on the bullet that doesn't vibrate.

For the most part, this bullet is easy to take care of. Since I don't insert this, I don't have an issue with lots of gunk getting into the texture. Any kind of lubricant is acceptable although only a little or none is needed. It's easy to wipe this toy down with wipes too. Otherwise, use water and soap. Be careful to not get water around the button. When storing, remove the batteries or replace the paper insert it came with to preserve their life. You can store in your jewelry box, the package, or just by itself.

The packaging is very simple. The bullet and chain come lose in a small plastic box. The front is clear chowing the product while the back has a description of the toy, explanation of the porn it came from, and some features of the toy. The package isn't needed, but it's small enough that it won't take up a lot of extra room.

This bullet's design is best for clitoral and external labia stimulation as well as all over body. It didn't work all that well for me though. The vibrations felt really strong in my hand, but for some reason I couldn't get them to work well for me. I often lost contact with my clit. I'm thinking that the material was a bit too glossy and the covering a little too dense. Whatever the reason, it took a long time to orgasm from this and I wasn't wowed. It was nice to use all over the body though. The patterns are nice and are a good warm up to another toy. This bullet isn't something I'll go grabbing for though. I'll just store it with my Pirates collection of porn.