The Top 40 Completely Fucked-Up Things People Are Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You

• I hope she doesn't think I'm staying the night.

• I hope I don’t cry afterward.

• I hope I don't puncture my bouncy castle.

• I hope he doesn’t ask me to say his name because I already forgot it.

• I hope I don’t fart.

• Did she just fart?!

• What the fuck is he doing?

• Is this car still in drive?

• Why are you choking me?

• Is that a camera?

• Why am I fucking you?

• Did I leave the stove on?

• What color should I paint my room?

• I wonder if she notices my titties bouncing as hard as hers?

• I wonder if he heard me say Mike's name?

• Why would he think *that* feels good?

• I wish he’d move his head so I could see the TV.

• Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

• Well this is disappointing.

• Please don’t keep trying to kiss me.

• Who the fuck is Mike?

• Stop screaming or you’ll wake my parents up.

• IT’S A PONY!

• I should have just bought new batteries.

• Hmm…her right one is bigger than the left.

• If he asks me one more time if its big enough I'm gonna tell him the truth.

• Does she always cry this much?

• Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring? Banana phone.

• It looked better in his gym shorts.

• It's been a good 20 minutes. Time to fake a small orgasm.

• Did I push “record”?

• I'M NAKED!!

• If another drop of your sweat hits me in my face, it’s over.

• They need to stop playing all these STD commercials.

• I can do this all day as long as she just doesn't turn around.

• Please stop talking to me.

• My ex was better.

• His sister was better.

• His electric toothbrush was better.

• I could be watching "The Golden Girls" right now.

• Beautiful. This is really scratching my rash.

• That’s not me, dude. That’s the pillow.

• Did I just orgasm or pee? Either way he seemed impressed.