Kink: Convenient and Cost-Effective

Since I already mentioned BDSM above as an example, I'll give it at least passing mention. But while I like the idea of my wife or some mistress more or less having their total way with me in the future, and hopefully more than once, I'm not terribly well-versed in this realm.

Besides, someone already wrote “Beginner BDSM on a Budget” for SexIs recently and I don't want to retread that fine work. But to add to what that article says, the fact is that you don't need a leather-covered paddle, a latex cat-o-nine-tails or Japanese silk ropes or whatever to get started. Cheap paddles can be found in a sporting goods section to get you started, or you can use the old-fashioned hand for a spanking. Switches can be crafted from narrow wooden dowels at a hardware store or from a green branch from a tree in your yard.

But mostly, I want to use some of my time here to get into some related areas that orbit BDSM, most notably some of the clothing and material fetishes.

I doubt you need me to tell you that on the leather side of things, it isn't that hard to find affordable gloves, or sometimes even boots, if you hit discount department stores, thrift shops and the like. Sure, leather pants, corsets and things like that will almost invariably set you back, but trying out a little leather in the bedroom is most easily started with outfitting the limbs.

But there's that other side to the equation, which many people prefer to leather, and that's latex. Finding latex clothing isn't cheap. Also, if you don't store and maintain it with great care, it gets wrecked pretty fast. But you know what? If you want a little touch and taste of latex in glove form, there are boxes with 40 to 100 of the buggers for just a few dollars in Walmart, Target and your local grocery store's pharmacy aisles. Cheap, disposable, and you can even move into light medical fetish territory later if you like.

Allergic to latex or not sure you like the smell of the disposable gloves? Get nitrile gloves, located in the same places and possessing many of the same characteristics, often in a blue for a little extra change of pace, but without much allergenic risk or scent.

“But,” you say, “the appeal of latex fetish gear is often the color. Especially black.”

Good point. So do a search for glove suppliers online, and you'll find many that sell to industries, labs and the like and offer a variety of colors for latex and nitrile gloves, including black. And in various sizes. The only hitch is that if you order a small amount, you'll probably get hit with a big shipping fee. So, you may need to buy several boxes to get yourself up to a level where you get free shipping, or just deal with the fact shipping costs may exceed the cost of the one or two boxes you purchased. Still, it's more affordable probably than a lot of fetish wear out there for starting off your kink, and they don't require special storage, cleaning and maintenance.

Also, if you decide they just aren't doing it for you in the bedroom, you'll be set for a while when it comes to gloves for cleanup around the house.

One last note: Latex clothing for the torso and legs is often prohibitively expensive for many of us, especially when we aren't sure we're fully into it. However, a lot of suppliers of sexy clothes and toys have clothing in black or red PVC as well. It's not as supple as latex stuff is, but visually, it does the trick almost as well, it's way less expensive and it still provides an interesting tactile change of pace.

How about a quick trip to someplace else often associated with black: the Goth scene.

There's something very sensual, sexual and primal about Goth-oriented things for many of us, but it's not as if the casual dabbler in Goth play or dress-up wants to get a ton of piercings, exotic wardrobes and/or tattoos right away—or maybe ever.

For clothing, some of the tips I've already offered for leather and latex/PVC can apply. For things like lace gloves, you might be better off shopping in some of the trendy accessory shops at the mall if you think the prices at the more sex-oriented sources are too high. I don't recommend getting really low-price lace gloves from sex toy/sex clothing companies as they tend, in my experience, to be scratchy as hell. If you just want visual appeal, you're fine; you want to touch and stroke, probably not.

Dark makeup or even powder to make your skin more pale (if you're going for that) is easy to come by cheaply, but there's always that one hitch. What if you like black lips? Sure, dark red lipstick is pretty easy to come by and still fits well with the Goth vibe, but black isn't exactly a big seller in the stores and when you find it online through makeup companies, they're often from niche supplier or higher-end companies and can be a little pricey.

The answer is as close as Halloween, and isn't that convenient, given the timing of my writing this article, right near the beginning of fall? Costume shops will spring up and even many drug stores and department stores will have black lipstick (or even blood-red) available at affordable prices for All Hallows. That means you can get one tube of lipstick for cheap just to try out, or stock up on a lot before the shelves are empty.

But even then, you're not out of luck, because you can go online to costume supply sites any time of year and look under the makeup/accessories for some of the more esoteric shades like black or even green, and probably get a tube of such lipstick for under $10 even when you factor in shipping and handling charges.

Sure, if you want to do the Goth-ish thing regularly in the bedroom or decide you like the look even outside of kinky situations, you'll probably want to move up to better-quality lipstick and such, but no reason to spend a lot when you're just testing the waters.

I love wet-and-messy sex. And it's not generally cost-prohibitive. Many cheap footstuffs, slick or sticky liquids, and other messy items can be had at budget prices. Or free in some cases. I mean, if you want to go for the golden shower activity, major spitting action or even something a bit messier like scat-oriented kink, your body makes all that for practically nothing.

However, while cost may not be a big barrier, there's the other “c” I've been talking about: convenience. Sure, the stuff you'll be having fun with is convenient to access.

But cleanup is a sonofabitch.

I'm not talking so much about cleaning yourself. Sure, you have to make sure, depending on what you're covered in after all the fun, not to drip all over while you make your way to the shower. But cheap towels, especially dark ones, are great for that. You wipe off a bit, dump them in the washing machine at your earliest opportunity, and that's pretty much that.

However, laundering a bed is entirely another matter.

I've got several ideas for you to increase the convenience factor (and reduce the cleaning costs).

First, two words: kitchen floor.

Most kitchen floors are relatively impervious to messy spills—even huge ones that you writhe around in while orgasming—and they are fairly easy to clean up with mops, rags and those towels I mentioned earlier. And if you're doing food play, the kitchen is where most of your “toys” for the kink is going to be located, so that's convenient, too.

Even for something like a golden shower, you might want to consider the kitchen. Sure, it's easy to choose the bathtub instead but let's face it: Sex in most showers and bathtubs isn't that easy. Very few are big enough to give you the maneuverability you want (especially if you're trying to be horizontal), and you have to worry about slipping and breaking your neck if you stand. Showers and tubs work great for some people and for some sex—and for many types of wet and messy play it improves cleanup options—but for me, it's one of the worst places to have good sex.

However, when my wife finally got the courage to suggest we finally try some golden shower action, it was while we were going at it on the kitchen floor being kinky in some other ways. To be honest, after the pee-soaked fun was done, the cleanup wasn't any worse than when the dishwasher or washing machine has decided to spew up all over the kitchen. Easier, in fact, since bladders hold much less fluid than appliances do.

That said, I wouldn't want to do that all the time, if only out of concern that if it became a frequent activity, pee seeping into the grout between your tiles or the spaces between linoleum squares might create problems down the road functionally, structurally or hygienically.

So, how lucky for you that between big box stores (household/garden/hardware-related and otherwise) and discount department stores and surplus/overstock stores you can get pretty good-sized kiddie wading pools for under $20—sometimes less than $10.

Most of the food, pee or whatever is contained in a handy item that can be hosed out later or baled out with a disposable plastic cup into the sink or toilet, followed by a wipe-down.

Now, if you want bedroom action for the wetness and messiness, the pool might not work so well. But even there, you need not go out and pay top dollar for fetish-oriented latex/rubber sheets. Go to your local pharmacy, drug store or health and hygiene section in a big-box store and find either low-end or on-sale supplies for incontinent adults. Chances are the rubber sheets in many of those places will be cheaper than from a fetish source. If you want higher quality, it's a lot like going from cheap sheets to 300+ thread count. Work your way up as you can afford it.

If the rubber sheets even from local stores are out of your price range, invest in a cheap tarp or even a shower-curtain liner (which you can find at many dollar stores, but still usually only cost a few dollars even in the grocery store or department store aisles) and wrap one of those around your mattress to protect it from whatever kinky, sexy mess you inflict on it. They may not be as comfy on your bare body as a latex/rubber, though, so here are another couple words: cheap sheets. (Thrift stores and surplus/overstock stores are great for this)

You can put the good stuff back on the bed afterward.

One last suggestion I can offer for the convenience aspect (though I can't speak to price): If covering the bed doesn't ease your fears of destroying it, consider acquiring a large sheet of linoleum or even Plexiglas or something similar that you can lay out on the carpet or floor for a smooth, solid surface that is easily cleaned, especially for especially messy, thick substances.

If you're a woman whose kinky desires are leaning toward back-door action, it probably won't be hard to convince many guys to give it a go. If you're a man who's hetero, though, it's not so easy. Not all women are terribly keen on going through the trouble of strapping something on to do some pegging. I should know. Even with my wife's kink factor increasing quickly over the past couple years, she hasn't been heeding my dropped hints that it's probably time to take me from behind. It's been more than eight years since the last time, and in the nine years we were together before than, I think it happened only twice—three times tops.

If you really want to play with your backdoor, guys, and you aren't willing to broaden your gender horizons—and you don't have an open-minded-enough woman handy—you need not pay big money for a flexible escort. Instead, take advantage of the many anal and prostate toy options out there.

In an earlier article, part three of my “Adventures in Masturbation” series, I finished up the article talking about such toys. I don't want to retread all of that here. But I will say that the nice thing about all four products I mentioned by name in that article is that they provide varying levels of prostate stimulation, especially if you're sitting down to masturbate while watching porn or whatever, because your body weight will press the toy more firmly into your 'taint region. Some women might peg you but not get the prostate part of things worked into the action. These toys will handle that, even if they won't give you the level of penetration and thrusting that a woman can with the right strap-on.

Besides, if you want to be pegged by a woman and haven't been yet, trying out some of these anal/prostate toys to discover your limit, comfort levels and desires regarding your ass will probably be a good idea before you invite someone to plow a dildo into you. That's a lot more convenient than bursting into tears your first time and screaming like a child when the woman is trying to pound you.

Here's hoping I've made your entry into at least a few kink areas a little easier on you, and possibly your wallet as well. If you've got any tips of your own, share them in the comments section below.