Smokedawg’s Adventures in Wanking Part 3: Time to Play With the Toys

I suppose a lot of my reluctance to consider such things was because when I was a young man, the plastic blow-up dolls were about the only sex toy option for men that I’d ever heard of or seen. Much as with now, most of those dolls are just fucking freaky. The material they are made out of isn’t anything I want rubbing up against my cock usually, and they look strange—overtly creepy even. It’s just not a recipe for sexy for me or, I suspect, most men. So even though I could see that modern masturbation sleeves and their ilk (the king among them being the Fleshlight products) were different by far, I still thought, “My hand works fine for this task.”

Then I got to a point in my brief career reviewing products for Eden when I had reviewed the few items I most wanted to try out on the list of available ones, and was left thinking, “Hmmm, what might be different for me to try for a truly novel experience?”

And so I picked a simple, very basic masturbation sleeve to review, the Devinn Succulent Blossom, and found the experience actually pretty cool. I haven’t used it in the roughly nine months since then more than maybe five times, but it remains in my collection. It provided a level of all-encompassing, firm-yet-gentle tightness that my hand couldn’t produce. The sensations were entirely unique from a hand, mouth or vagina and thus well worth the small price of the item (had I paid for it, that is). My main issues were the tendency for the sleeve to launch itself off a cock (especially a well-lubed one) if I didn’t keep a firm grip, plus the fact my ejaculate flew right out the other end, which is by necessity open so the small sleeve can accommodate any penis.

Then, on a lark one day, a while after that review, I bought the Succu Dry made by Fleshlight, because I was just feeling silly and curious.

Gentlemen, that toy changed my masturbatory life. No joke. No promotional gimmick, either, because I paid for it out of my own pocket (and some months later for the larger and easier-to-clean Fleshlight Alien), and Fleshlight hasn’t seen fit to besiege me with free products, though I welcome them to do so. Please. Often.

One thing about my initial Fleshlight experience, and then my second product from them, was the nice sensations. They were reminiscent of a mouth or pussy without being either exactly the same, or poor imitations, both of which generally would be turn-offs for me. Also, with adjustable suction levels, I could control things not only from session to session, but also during a session as my needs and mood shifted.

Also, they catch the cum inside themselves. Sure, they have to be cleaned afterward, but I find that process much nicer than the alternatives. One of those alternatives, apparently, is cumming into a sock, which is something I didn’t know guys do but a lot of women I know on Twitter have hipped me to.

Dudes, don’t do that. Not even with a clean sock. I know of no sock material that feels nice enough to jack off with.

Sure, I could come on myself and wipe with a towel or T-shirt or something, but I almost never masturbate horizontally (such as in bed) anymore. Haven’t for years, because with the explosion of the Internet and broadband speeds since the late 1990s, I have lots of great erotic fiction, nude pictorials and porn videos on my computer, and I’d much rather masturbate to them while sitting in my office chair.

But I don’t want to come on my office chair. Nor do I want to come on my floor. I certainly don’t want to accidentally jizz all over the power strip under my desk and risk a slimy short-circuit situation.

I also don’t want to come into a facial tissue, napkin, towel or anything like that. I don’t want to be thinking of my aim when I’m trying to enjoy an orgasm.

My answer in the past has been to strategically lay out a towel or old pair of pants on the floor slightly angled upward to protect the electrical plugs and sockets, but I don’t really like having to do that set-up and still worry the stuff will slip down and I’ll end up with a flurry of semen and sparks from the electronics.

The Fleshlight products and any others that are fully contained with no exit port at the opposite end (as the Succulent Blossom has) catch it all, while you’re cumming—and you don’t have to think about a thing except coming down from the orgasmic high, setting it aside for a moment and then cleaning it later. Which basically involves warm water running in a sink, a couple minutes of time, a lint-free cloth to shove inside to soak up most of the water and an overnight airing on your dresser or wherever.

Your needs and preferences will often differ from mine, but for the combination of stimulation and lack of mess, I find it can’t be beat.

I’ve also, as earlier noted, ventured into other forms of stimulation, such as anal vibrators (the Spectra Gel once I noted earlier), dildos in my ass, and prostate massagers such as the Get a Grip prostate massager from Evolved, the Cheeky Boy from Rocks Off, the Duke Click ‘n’ Charge from Fun Factory and the 10-function Self-Pleasing P from Cal Exotics.

I don’t use these anal options every time, but I like to make use of them fairly often, as the extra stimulation is great. Men, if you’re afraid of pleasuring your ass or your woman doing it because it will “turn you gay,” get over yourself. If it were that easy to become gay, we’d have a hell of a lot more gay men. It’s just one more erogenous zone. If you’re a guy who’s afraid it will hurt, take it slow and easy and, again, get over yourself. Putting in contact lenses is uncomfortable at first, too, but you learn to do it right and often you never look back.

Now, because I like to use anal toys while masturbating, and prefer to masturbate while sitting at my computer or in front of a TV with porn loaded in the DVD player, I should make note of some caveats.

Most anal vibrators work best if your lover is using them on you or if you are using them while laying down. I have figured out ways to safely and enjoyably sit on my Spectra Gel, but now that I have better options, it’s no longer worth it.

Glass, metal or rubber/plastic/silicone dildos are great, but the same problem applies as with an anal vibrator. If you’re going to sit on it, it probably needs to be relatively short (or flexible rubber) so that it doesn’t jam you painfully in the wrong places inside, and it needs to have a flanged base so it doesn’t get stuck up your ass. Also, because it doesn’t vibrate, you won’t get much stimulation—mostly just a full feeling as with a butt plug. You can rock on it a bit, but you won’t get as many fun feelings as with something battery-powered.

Oh, but the prostate massagers…Fantastic. In fact, they share a tie with the Fleshlight products as my top toys during masturbation. Each one will vibrate differently and stimulate differently, but what they often share is the ability to sit on them without discomfort, have them produce unique sensations inside you and sometimes outside as well (vibrations), and also typically put pressure on your prostate from outside as your weight presses it against you in the sitting position. Combined with a toy on my cock or even just my hand alone, I can rarely last long with such a combo, or have to very carefully tease myself and gently stroke to make things last a while.

So, guys, join me. Start your own toy box. Why should the ladies have all the fun?