""Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.""
Your Mind Is Your Own Worst Enemy
Everyone knows the saying, “life is like a roller coaster”. The way I see it, sometimes I want it to slow down and sometimes I want to jump off the highest peak. Anything to slow the madness around me.
When people talk to me, they always tell me how they think I am doing so great with all that I have been dealt. A controlling, abusive, and drug addicted ex-husband, one that took me years of hiding out from and court battles to divorce. Taking care of a terminally ill father that copes with his pain by excessive drinking and inhaling. Both are very expensive but not as expensive as the alternative doctor prescribed medication that doesn't work for anything. I’m also a single parent of 3 young children, one of whom has her father’s severe anger issues and my youngest is autistic amongst other issues. If only they knew what really was going on in this messed up head of mine!
In all actuality, I am a social butterfly when it comes to the internet. I can sit here and talk openly about which dildo I used where and how many pumps it took before I was relieved of my lady juices. And then I can leave here and hop on and work where I show it all in full detail. I have no inhibitions and hold nothing back. I tell it how it is and smile while I am doing it.
But when it comes to the real world I am a social mute. I am the one at family gatherings that sits in the back of the room, out of view, with my face in a book. I am the one that ignores the phone when my own family is calling, yet picks up for bill collectors. I tell all my friends I have given up my cell phone, just so I only have to hear from them via social networking which is easy to deal with when I am in the mood. Granted, this is me in my depressive “don't really give a fuck anymore” mood which may make it sound more depressing written into words. But that’s it. That’s how I roll.
All I want is for my family to be healthy and happy. I want my son to be able to have is little quirks without facing ridicule from people who don’t understand it. I want my girls to have a happy disposition, yet know that they can say what they think as long as it’s in a good manner. And I want my father to not, well, die. I want to move out of this shitty house where everything breaks but the rent is easily made every month because it is insanely low. I want to take my kids to get ice cream without having to balance my account first to make sure there is enough in there to do it. And, for fuck sake, I want to be able to go a week without falling into a huge depression and having to take my anxiety pills just to make it through the night!
Is this too much to ask? Whatever, I want it anyway.
When people talk to me, they always tell me how they think I am doing so great with all that I have been dealt. A controlling, abusive, and drug addicted ex-husband, one that took me years of hiding out from and court battles to divorce. Taking care of a terminally ill father that copes with his pain by excessive drinking and inhaling. Both are very expensive but not as expensive as the alternative doctor prescribed medication that doesn't work for anything. I’m also a single parent of 3 young children, one of whom has her father’s severe anger issues and my youngest is autistic amongst other issues. If only they knew what really was going on in this messed up head of mine!
In all actuality, I am a social butterfly when it comes to the internet. I can sit here and talk openly about which dildo I used where and how many pumps it took before I was relieved of my lady juices. And then I can leave here and hop on and work where I show it all in full detail. I have no inhibitions and hold nothing back. I tell it how it is and smile while I am doing it.
But when it comes to the real world I am a social mute. I am the one at family gatherings that sits in the back of the room, out of view, with my face in a book. I am the one that ignores the phone when my own family is calling, yet picks up for bill collectors. I tell all my friends I have given up my cell phone, just so I only have to hear from them via social networking which is easy to deal with when I am in the mood. Granted, this is me in my depressive “don't really give a fuck anymore” mood which may make it sound more depressing written into words. But that’s it. That’s how I roll.
All I want is for my family to be healthy and happy. I want my son to be able to have is little quirks without facing ridicule from people who don’t understand it. I want my girls to have a happy disposition, yet know that they can say what they think as long as it’s in a good manner. And I want my father to not, well, die. I want to move out of this shitty house where everything breaks but the rent is easily made every month because it is insanely low. I want to take my kids to get ice cream without having to balance my account first to make sure there is enough in there to do it. And, for fuck sake, I want to be able to go a week without falling into a huge depression and having to take my anxiety pills just to make it through the night!
Is this too much to ask? Whatever, I want it anyway.
Lmfao Lillie. Thank you so much. I have been feeling the same way you have been feeling this week depressed. I should be taking my meds but have not. I got someone too that I tell leave me a lone and they stay and think it is a game I hate it then I get mad tell them I don't want to talk next thing I know they pop in my video room. Hey I am getting the mula but damn did I not tell you I was not well. Gosh I love how I don't have to say anything, you always know what to say.
Lol, Its all part of being in the cam world. I think that is why I am so popular on our cam sites forum, I say what everyone else holds back!
Amazing article like always, and I apologize for the long ass comment, but I really had to vent myself because I have some depression stuff going on, too.
Lillie, I totally understand the depression. I used to have my own place, was on my final year of college, had tons of friends, I had a nice car and had a job I loved up until my illness came out of nowhere to utterly fuck up my life.
Now, I live with my parents that police every aspect of my life because they are the ones that pay most of my ridiculously high medical bills. I had to go on an indefinite medical leave from school because of this shit. My friends abandoned me because they don't want to talk to a sick person because it makes 'them' feel bad...I'm serious, that's what I've been told, I mean, it's not like sitting in the fucking hospital for 3 days straight with needles hanging out of my veins and constant pancreas pain doesn't make "ME" feel bad or anything. I had to sell my car to pay for 2 extremely expensive surgeries that I had to get and of course, I can't work a regular job due to the opiate/narcotics I'm taking and the nearly non-stop unbearable pain I'm in on a daily basis. I am currently on 13 medications I take a day and one of them is a high-dose anti-depressant. I have extremely bad days, too, but I am mainly isolated since nobody really comes in here to spend time with me. I feel like I go insane because I sometimes just have to curse out the damn walls. When it comes to family situations, I'm pretty much the same way as you; I've always been the odd one in my family. The peculiar, nerdy black goth chick that never fit in with the rest of my family. Hell, my brother and his wife think I'm a damn devil worshiper just because of the way I look lol.
Depression comes along with the territory, so I can relate to that, even though our situations are completely different, but it is good to know that you can vent to your weird ass money-bags customer and get some funds out of the deal! I just want to let you know that I respect you and you are definitely my favorite writer on Sexis right now. I love people who keep it real!
Well Lady, I must say that you are probably one of my favorite readers on SexIs I love how you always comment about the way it incorporates into your life, even though we live 2 completely different lives. It shows the other readers that it doesn't depend on jobs or anything else, we feel how we feel because of life in general.
I have been dealing with alot of medical issues myself. But lucky for me I haven't had to deal with surgeries and all. I tend to be the black sheep of my own choosing. I find it better for me as a whole. My family knows this and pretty much let me be. And being from a stereo-typical white on white, on white family, lmao, I must say, I wish I had a nerdy black gothic chick in it! Devil worshiper or otherwise! LOL.
Depression is a hard battle to fight, but I am finding that being part of the Eden community is nearly the best medication I have. That is probably why I dove in so quick and spend so much time here. And I want you to feel more than welcome to email me anytime you want if you want to talk, laugh or bitch. I would love to be your friend.
funny
really?
I love your list of things about you!