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Money Talks: Should he pay?

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Should men still be held responsible and expected to shoulder the financial burdens? Even in such small things as paying for the first meal?

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Contributor: Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)

I have to admit, this article is a brilliant, if troubling, glimpse into the female brain. One of the major reasons modern feminism has become something of a laughing stock is because so many professed "feminists" demand equality, while still clinging to gender disparate social conventions, like a man paying for a first date. From my perspective, it's an interesting red: Why should a guy be EXPECTED to invest in you? What are you, chattel for sale?

And I say this from the position of a pretty old-fashioned guy. I will admit that I always paid for my date's dinner - and held the door open for her, and all that chivalrous stuff - but I could at least do so without trying to cling to a totally contradictory sociopolitical philosophy!

I will say this - I would hope men would buy dinner on a first date not because society tells them to, or because they "expect" anything from it - but for themselves. I used to find dates liked a guy who decided where they were taking them for dinner; and paying for dinner was basically the cost of that privilege. I figured buying dinner was the "cost" of eating good food in a place you liked in the company of somebody new and interesting. Even if you shook hands after coffee and never saw each other again, with that model in mind, every date a guy pays for is worth every penny.

Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire)

And it would be worth every penny when a woman paid too! In my opinion the decision of who pays should be a question of who can afford to, and who chose where to eat.

If you go somewhere I want to eat, and it's not really what you want, but you'll agree to it, of course I would pay, you made a sacrifice, I will do the same.

If you suggest we eat out, maybe you pay and vice versa. But if you suggest it and I decide where we eat - maybe we split on it, or you pay and I tip.

I do not expect to be showered with free food and gifts, and doing so wouldn't earn my date blow jobs or sex. It wouldn't earn them my respect, and it wouldn't be much of an indicator of personality. Granted it could indicate generosity, but could also be thought of as a money for sex transaction. "Even if it doesn't get me laid now, it gets me another shot at getting laid later." "With what this dinner cost me, I better at LEAST get a blow job" - Even if he doesn't he may feel like he should have because he did not get the expected return on his investment. Like it or not, those guys are out there, and they are out there in large numbers.

Personally, I would rather start on a level playing field, and know that the guy is not trying to buy my affection. When you know me well enough to do something nice that is more personal and indicates you have thought about, and care about ME, not just "a girl/vagina & tits" you can probably expect that blow job. PROBABLY. After all, I do love to put a smile on my partner's face.

Contributor: Jacquie Minerva Georges
Jacquie Minerva Georges  

To pay or to not pay for the first day, in regards to males, an ole time question. After I had my son, I’ve certain changed my perspective of what feminism means to me. Although I wouldn’t mind a man paying on the first day, it’s not a must nor does it reflect on who he is if he is honest. For an example;

If we made a first date and he informed me that he would like to reschedule another time do financial reason. That gives me the choice to either tell him not to worry about it for I’ll pay or reschedule. It all depends on the man (I’ve I known him before or is this a blind/first meet date)

If during our first date I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no chemistry, whatsoever, I’ll communicate that with the delicacy (give him the option to remain friends or have nothing to do with me) and highly recommend to spilt the tab 50/50.

If I ask the man out on a date, I’m very much prepared to pay for it. If he asks me out, for some reason I’d hope that he would pay for it.

There is always an exception to some kind of rule that is outdated. We like to use the word ‘chivalry’ However there is a reason for this old “men pay for dates” It was during the era where women couldn’t work, own property, have a bank account. It wasn’t chivalry that many of us romanize it was common sense. Nonetheless, these women repaid the men with home cook meals, inviting them over to their family house for dinner, or packing a picnic and first dates were followed by a “thank you” note. Since us, women, rarely do that nowadays—I think our attitude of men should progress, as we (my humble opinion).

To each his or her own. For I know many men who also think the same way as the writer.

Contributor: peachmarie

I have mixed feelings on this issue i suppose. I'm sort of old fashioned as well, i enjoy having my boyfriend pay for dates and such but i don't expect it. In the beginning of our relationship we both paid for dates, and for a short time i supported my boyfriend through unemployment and now that he makes twice as much as i do he pays most our bills, simply because i cannot. I think that if you are in a relationship where you live together you have to work that kind of stuff out. He pays for me when we go out because the majority of the time he wants go out and do things. But i think if i were in a different situation i wouldn't expect to be paid for, I'd hope they valued me enough to try to court me though by paying for me or buying the occasional gift or two, that's the kind of thing i do when I'm in a new relationship. When my boyfriend and i started dating i made him cakes and bought him personal gifts. I understand though that there are some girls who are so high maintenance that they expect that you buy everything for them otherwise it's hit the road jack.