(Don’t) make your own sex toys
Because nothing says “Family Craft Night” like drilling a hole in a pumpkin so that you have sex with it.
Let me just clarify here that this is a real, serious book, y’all. That you can buy.
And it’s all about how to use your bad-ass crochet/hot-glue skills to make stuff like home-made gimp masks and “strap-on salamis”.
Or? Carving a penis out of another penis you aren’t using. I don’t know. It’s hard to tell exactly what’s going on in that picture.
Unlike this picture, which is violently clear:
Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s Jesus. The actual picture from the book has full frontal nudity but I added the rooster because I’m pretty sure that you go to hell for posting a picture of naked Jesus on the internet this close to Christmas, even if you are only posting it to say “No. Don’t do this.” Also, worth noting: Jesus was circumcised. Apparently.
I’d spend more time discussing this book here but (thank God) a few customers already spent time testing these projects and reviewing them for me. Which is awesome because I can just share their reviews with you and spend this extra time scratching my eyes out with a pen and never looking at hot glue guns the same way again.
Want to buy the book? No. No, you don’t.