There are a lot of perfectly normal people out there who like latex and bondage. I’m not judging those people.
Okay, I’m judging them a little.
But only because I just found a site that is so completely baffling that I assumed it must be a joke. But it’s not. Not. a joke. at all. Which kind of makes it even more hysterical. And horrible.
Let’s explore, shall we?
Latex Vacuum Bed.
Personally I prefer a Posturepedic, but hey, whatever works for you. Also, this is pretty much the most normal thing on their entire whole site. Get prepared, y’all.
This is a…um… yeah.
I guess it’s for people who enjoy having sex with donuts? I’m not sure. That’s pretty much the stuff of nightmares there. But the good news is that it can’t get any weirder than that, right?
Huh.
Touché, Latex King.
Let’s move on. It’s nice to see that Violet Beauregard is still getting work.
This one is a personal favorite simply because all the sentences in the description inexplicably have superfluous question marks, as if even the people making it aren’t sure why you would ever want this. You can almost hear them laughing at you.
Clever use of Ayn Rand to block nudity however…
… “The Fountainhead“ would have been a more obvious choice.
Okay, at this point in looking through this website I’ve grown kind of immune to the bizarreness and I’ve become numb to the…Oh. Mother. Fucker. Never mind.
“This latex pregnancy suit may be the only one of its kind in the world.” Well, we can certainly hope so.
By the time I found this one I began to suspect that I was suffering from some sort of concussion that was causing horrible hallucinations. It was a concern the manufacturers seemed to foresee according to the description.
“No. Your eyes are not deceiving you. We have built a huge inflatable catsuit with huge inflatable tits.” Oh. I’m so relieved.
When I first saw this one I thought latex ghost, right?
But no. It’s a latex burqa. “Custom made for one of our clients.” Of course it is. I need a raise, SexIs. A large one. Just forward it directly to my psychiatrist. I’m going to go lay down now.
Okay, I’m judging them a little.
But only because I just found a site that is so completely baffling that I assumed it must be a joke. But it’s not. Not. a joke. at all. Which kind of makes it even more hysterical. And horrible.
Let’s explore, shall we?
Latex Vacuum Bed.
Personally I prefer a Posturepedic, but hey, whatever works for you. Also, this is pretty much the most normal thing on their entire whole site. Get prepared, y’all.
This is a…um… yeah.
I guess it’s for people who enjoy having sex with donuts? I’m not sure. That’s pretty much the stuff of nightmares there. But the good news is that it can’t get any weirder than that, right?
Huh.
Touché, Latex King.
Let’s move on. It’s nice to see that Violet Beauregard is still getting work.
This one is a personal favorite simply because all the sentences in the description inexplicably have superfluous question marks, as if even the people making it aren’t sure why you would ever want this. You can almost hear them laughing at you.
Clever use of Ayn Rand to block nudity however…
… “The Fountainhead“ would have been a more obvious choice.
Okay, at this point in looking through this website I’ve grown kind of immune to the bizarreness and I’ve become numb to the…Oh. Mother. Fucker. Never mind.
“This latex pregnancy suit may be the only one of its kind in the world.” Well, we can certainly hope so.
By the time I found this one I began to suspect that I was suffering from some sort of concussion that was causing horrible hallucinations. It was a concern the manufacturers seemed to foresee according to the description.
“No. Your eyes are not deceiving you. We have built a huge inflatable catsuit with huge inflatable tits.” Oh. I’m so relieved.
When I first saw this one I thought latex ghost, right?
But no. It’s a latex burqa. “Custom made for one of our clients.” Of course it is. I need a raise, SexIs. A large one. Just forward it directly to my psychiatrist. I’m going to go lay down now.
just a question, did u scroll on down to the part that said "male sex toy"? well i did.
"autobus" meet "autoblow" it was describable until i watched the video... now i have no words... 
gets put to shame. ladies, we need to come together to make an"autosuck". then, sex with real humans will be COMPLEATLY obsolete. your welcome matrix
sorry, i just read what i wrote and it doesnt realy make any since. i think the autoblow was still messing with me head
This is ridiculous. You are putting latex in some kind of "ewwwww gross!" category when it is just another creative way to enjoy sex. How very immature.
Also, CarnalNation has a brilliant rebuttal for anyone who might have been confused or irritated by this post.
[https://carnalnation.com/content/48948/10/sexismagazine-bigotry-sold-humor]
I agree 100%
Way to be sex positive SexIs. I love edenfantasys.com but am disgusted by this post.
Ok, so I actually clicked on this link and read it...and I had the following retort to offer, because apparently I am an insomniac who feels it her duty stick up for online friends as much as real life ones....:
I appreciate the sentiment of open-mindedness that accompanies this article. However,
I don't think that the author realizes that she herself is in fact BEING censorious.
I will use the example of race here for illustration. Dave Chappelle, who many people
appreciate regardless of race, made plenty of references to stereotypes about race, to
generalizations, etc. In doing so, he enabled people to talk about race. About their
differences..and through that dialogue and elimination of censorship, his viewers were
able to come to greater self-understanding and acknowledgment.
I think what you're trying to say is that the bloggess' attitude is juvenile and closed-minded.
To that I say, welcome to the real world. When you do something that falls outside
the general norm, people are going to have opinions and they won't all be coated in honey.
Not everyone is a 20+ year sexologist or whatever you mentioned, so realize that honestly,
you are in the far sexual left and not everyone is going to be as "enlightened" as you claim
to be. If you were really that enlightened, you might try taking a gander at extreme (and
yes, by today's standard they ARE still extreme) fetishes from the viewpoint of someone
more conservative than yourself. And then at least you could have a dialogue, maybe even
a chuckle, instead of yelling down everybody's throats.
Not to mention, if you even READ the Bloggess, you would know that she really is joking about most of this stuff and that a lot of what she's saying really IS pretty funny. Having sex with a donut? That's funny. Come on. You know it is.
Hello? Proofread much? Were you working under deadline or just don't care about grammar, punctuation, etc.? After reading this, I need to go LIE down.
I left this comment on that other site but I thought it should probably be here too.
I'm sorry if you felt in any way upset by my article. This is the reason why I tell people that they should really never read anything that I write. I'm the same girl who accused the Pope of cannibalism, threatened William Shatner on MSNBC, brought an inflatable sheep on an aircraft carrier to entertain the troops and suggested we turn dead kittens inside out so the homeless would have fur-lined shoes. I also proposed cutting off hobos fingers so I could use my iphone more efficiently and only refrained from pushing a baby off a stage because it would have looked bad since I was still wearing my crown from being inaugurated as a Czar, even though my boss wasn't there because she's a cat. Obviously I don't take myself seriously and I don't think anyone else does either unless maybe it's their first time finding me and then they usually run away very quickly and I don't blame them at all. I think this is the first time I've ever had anyone offended on the sex side though since most of the time people who get turned on dressing up as giant blueberries are strong enough in their confidence that they are the very first people to laugh at the post and to pass it on to their like-minded friends. In fact, I got a lots of emails from latex fetishists who were passing it on to their friends both for laughs and also because they were happy to find a new distributer.
Please know that if you're the person who custom ordered the latex full body burka I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and I hope that you get nothing but the most amazing enjoyment out of it and also I gotta give you a high-five because I've worn latex before and it's like a yeast infection just waiting to happen but with the latex burka your junk can still breathe. It's kind of brilliant actually.
I also want to point out that my writing has no reflection on the beliefs of Edenfantasys and SexIs Magazine. In fact, I've written things there that make fun of all them and of me and even when I write things that make them personally uncomfortable they still allow me to post what I want without editorial censorship. It might not be a great idea business-wise for a sex company to allow a dangerous and unpredictable satire writer to write whatever she wants on their site but I applaud their courage to let someone like me write nonsensical blatherings, whether they agree with it or not. It's a celebration of open and uncensored dialogue and that's something that I think anyone in the sex industry has to admire. I once wrote a humor piece for the Houston Chronicle that was adamantly pro-gay rights and I got death threats from fundamental Christians but I also got so many emails from people in the Bible-belt who were struggling to come out of the closet and who felt less alone after laughing at how ridiculous homophobia can be. The Houston Chronicle didn't quash the story and even put it on the front page of their home page for an hour, but they were very quick to put a "The opinions of this author do not reflect the opinions of the Houston Chronicle or its owners". It's a smart idea, really. I'm responsible for my own insanity and if you're going to roast someone over what I write it should really be me, not the people who allow me to have a voice even when they disagree with it.
PS. I suck at grammar and punctuation and have for years. I actually do know that "lie down" is the correct phrase in this case but I continue to use "lay down" because it sounds funnier to me. I also intentionally use "nonplussed" incorrectly and I once invented a word just because I liked how it sounded. There's really no hope for me.
Yeah ... so obviously people don't know how to take a joke. I have read the Bloggess for about 9 months now and you crack me up and make my day better with your sense of humor. I say keep up the humor and good work!!
Christ dipped in liquid latex, you make me laugh. I read both your article here (like I do every week) and the rebuttal at Carnal Nation and was glad to see that you had commented there to set them straight. I love your humor and I love how absolutely no one is safe when it comes to you, especially not fetished-out latex freaks. Keep the laughs coming.
I absolutely loved the ad at the top:
Have the swine flu blues? Put on some latex and feel happy! Use code "latex20" to save 20% until April 2nd!
OH
MY
GOD. lol!!!
OMG This post is so wrong! I was kind of looking at it less like a sex thing and more like a torture thing though, but that probably has something to do with my claustrophobia and latex allergies. Yeah, that might have been a factor.
@CMCASH I just have a feeling her comments will not accomplish what you suggested:
glad to see that you had commented there to set them straight
Well I'm not really
Wow. Just wanna say Jenny you Rock. The end.
i wonder if Han and Leia use that first one.
Wow... Thank you Bloggess...
Ha Ha, funny