The ten most fucked-up things people sent me this month
2. Crocheted penis cushions. For…um…I have no idea.
3. Jem was truly outrageous, but this? This will blow your damn mind. Unless you were born after 1990. Then you’re probably going to be even more confused.
4. Vampire blow-job sex toy. Because nothing says “great blow job” like more teeth.
5. And while we’re on the subject of vampires: “ Sexy Vampire Reusable Menstral Goddess Postpartum Pad in XL”. None of those words should ever be used together.
6. The Texans marketing team seems to be moving in a new direction.
7. Vulva jewelry. Made from real vulvas. Sort of. (I’m going to have to send a thank you card to regretsy.)
8. Get on my horse. It’s on a loop, by the way. Also, you will be singing it for the rest of the day your life.
9. I think my favorite is Bulemic Barbie.
10. Clitoraid. “Adopt a clitoris”, y’all. Also, I should point out that I don’t think this is a joke and you should totally donate to it because it’ll be fantastic when you give the receipt to your tax accountant at the end of the year and you’re all “Deductions? Well, I donated a lot to charity. Vagina charity. I’m like a goddamn vagina philanthropist”. That would be awesome.