Here she is in all her gorgeousness: (relatively safe for work)
The April interview
Let’s get started with the interview…
April, you are awesome. And hot. And fat. Both with an f and a ph. But you’re kind of totally pissing me off.
That doesn’t sound good… Maybe you will be less pissed when I tell you that I have a 16 year old pug named Baby.
No way! I have a pug too! Okay, I’m slightly less pissed now. Typically when I’m researching fetish models and porn stars I first think “I have a fucking weird job” and then I think “That bitch totally thinks she’s better than me”. Which is strange because none of those porn stars actually know me. But I still feel like a fat loser when I see their unattainable measurements. But then I look at your work and I think “My God, she’s incredibly sexy and she embraces her curves and probably a lot of women find it empowering that someone who looks like the rest of us can be so damn hot but all I can think about is that I’m fat and I’m still not that hot. WTF, April? Maybe I’m just not fat enough? My husband says I need therapy. Thoughts?
Your husband may be right. But I’m in therapy too. I think everyone should see a therapist once in a while. I prefer to call it “Life Coaching” because that’s what it really is. They give you tools help you out in this game called life.
I’m pretty sure I’m several sizes smaller than you, yet you seem to have no cellulite whatsoever. Why is God so unfair?
I can’t answer your God question, but can say that I have been blessed with nice skin from my Father. My weight fluctuates all the time, and if I work out a bit my cellulite goes away. Right now however, my thighs are cottage cheesy. I get a kick out of seeing how my body reacts to either my action or inaction (and too many munchie fueled nights!)
I just read that today is the April Flores Love Toy Art Show in New York. So basically a bunch of famous artists painted sculptures of your vagina sex toy. Which is weird. And completely awesome. And then back to weird again. I wanted to paint one myself for this article but I looked it up and it costs $335. My real vagina didn’t cost that much. Except for when they had to sew it up after I had a baby. That might have cost $335. But then my vagina was probably technically even less valuable than it was before I threw all that money into it. Seriously, it was wrecked for like a month. How did you come up with $335 exactly?’
Topco Sales, the manufacturer of the toy, set the price and it is a very high quality product! The toy is made from realistic CyberSkin®, is Waterproof and Phthalate free! I’ve heard feedback from people who have used the toy and they love it. So, if the purchaser enjoys it once a day, the price comes out to less than $1.00 a day! That sounds like a bargain to me.
Huh. That vagina is a bargain. You should put that on the package. Do you ever wonder if you might accidentally get pregnant with a voodoo baby because all these men are having sex with a voodoo doll of your vulva? If so, what would you name the voodoo baby?
I have never wondered that, but thanks for putting that creepy thought into my head… However, voodoo spawns from sex dolls can never be named. Sorry, that’s just how it is.
My favorite version of the April Flores Art Vulva is the one called Our Lady of the Labia, where it looks like you see the Virgin Mary in your vulva. I only ever find her on toast and tortillas but now I’m wondering if maybe my labia looks like the Virgin Mary too. And this is basically how you know that this is good art. Because it makes you think.
So true! That piece is one of the most talked about and a favorite of many others. I think the blending of religion and sex and religious iconography really strikes a chord in people’s deep feelings and beliefs.
If I had the money to buy an April Flores Love Toy I’d paint it white and then pour silver paint on the vagina so it’d look like a tooth with a recently-filled cavity. That would be awesome. Plus it works on two levels. You know? Cavity? Get it? Never mind. You should never explain art.
My dentist says those silver fillings aren’t good for you. He only uses ceramic fillings which are more expensive…..and not covered by my insurance….. wait a minute….!
If you could be a ninja, a flower, or a monkey, which one would you choose?
A rose of course!
Which tree do you think is “the sexiest tree”?
Sequoias are most definitely “the sexiest trees”!
My husband just walked by and saw the “Our Lady of the Labia” toy and asked me why I was ordering a beanbag chair. Obviously it’s been far too long since he’s seen a bright blue vagina. Except now that I look like it, IT TOTALLY DOES LOOK LIKE A BEANBAG CHAIR. Holy crap, you should make those. I would totally buy one to watch TV on. And people could store their remote in the vagina. Please send me a million dollars for this idea.
Beanbags are the shit! A blue beanbag shaped like lady parts, where you could hide your remote in a warm comfy place would make millions! You and I have got to team up. I see The Home Shopping Network in our future. Seriously, I love watching those channels. They can sell anything! The other day I was watching a holiday segment, and I was this close to buying an Inflatable Santa Yard Decoration, and I don’t even have a yard!
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever been asked to do?
To name a voodoo spawn.
Can we meet so you can show me how do my make-up?
We should totally do that! I will do your make up then take pictures of you. It’s my hobby. I have a feeling you and I would really hit it off.
Will you be my best friend?
We will wear Best Friend charm necklaces. You can have “Be Fri” and I will have “St End”.
Thanks so much to my new best friend April for agreeing to this interview and if you’re in New York or Philly you can check out the art show live and in person. It will probably be awesome but I won’t be there because I don’t even have enough money to buy a damn vagina. Except for my own, I mean. That one’s almost totally paid off.
For more information on the April Flores Love Toy Art Shows in New York and Philadelphia, and to see images, click here.