Disclaimer: I am a mother of two kids, and have cared for at least eight fish and four cats the past few years. The animals have all since died of natural causes. At last check, my children were free-ranging in the backyard, twigs in their hair, smiles on their faces. Dirt non-optional.
I have two of my own and love them dearly, and have also struggled with the realities of parenting, understand at a gut level why some opt out. Raising children gives one’s life meaning and purpose. Kids are wonderful, messy and complicated treasures that contrary to illusion do not guarantee happiness (my husband thinks it’s funny to say I entrapped him by getting pregnant to which I reply, he hijacked my womb). The benefits of going childless beyond financial relief and personal freedom are well documented. Though this seems like a grumpy way to start, the intent is to stir the direction towards a positive outcome — fewer and better cared for kids.
I have two of my own and love them dearly, and have also struggled with the realities of parenting, understand at a gut level why some opt out. Raising children gives one’s life meaning and purpose. Kids are wonderful, messy and complicated treasures that contrary to illusion do not guarantee happiness (my husband thinks it’s funny to say I entrapped him by getting pregnant to which I reply, he hijacked my womb). The benefits of going childless beyond financial relief and personal freedom are well documented. Though this seems like a grumpy way to start, the intent is to stir the direction towards a positive outcome — fewer and better cared for kids.
Reproduction Optional
Stefanie Iris Weiss, author of Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (2010), is another self-declared GINK who makes a compelling case for adoption as an option. Like Hymas, she supports parents doing the hard work of child rearing, and takes it one step further.
“Imagine, for a moment, if the option of not having kids were talked about in home economics or health classes in high school, just like everything else,” Weiss says.
“If all our children were truly conscious decisions, perhaps we’d have a much happier, psychologically healthier world. And that’s not even counting what reducing the population would do for Planet Earth — making all our lives, the ones we’re living right now, safer from the ravages of climate change.”
Why is this choice so audacious, even to some greenies? If someone isn’t inclined or prepared to be a parent, let’s support their choice. As Hymas has written, “parenthood is an enormous commitment and responsibility, best not undertaken lightly by people who aren’t wholly invested in being the best parents they can be. You don’t get a test drive or a trial run -- it’s all or nothing.”
“Imagine, for a moment, if the option of not having kids were talked about in home economics or health classes in high school, just like everything else,” Weiss says.
“If all our children were truly conscious decisions, perhaps we’d have a much happier, psychologically healthier world. And that’s not even counting what reducing the population would do for Planet Earth — making all our lives, the ones we’re living right now, safer from the ravages of climate change.”
Why is this choice so audacious, even to some greenies? If someone isn’t inclined or prepared to be a parent, let’s support their choice. As Hymas has written, “parenthood is an enormous commitment and responsibility, best not undertaken lightly by people who aren’t wholly invested in being the best parents they can be. You don’t get a test drive or a trial run -- it’s all or nothing.”
love this article! thanks so much for it
Happy you liked it!
Wonderful article!
There were actually quite a few things taken into consideration when my husband and I decided not to have children. One was me just not having a motherly instinct towards children. Towards animals, plants, and my husband, I do care deeply. Children? Not an ounce of it. Don't ask me why. I don't know. Second, I wondered if I would want to grow up in this time and how safe I would be. I quickly shuddered at that. Also, childbirth actually scares me, and the fact that there are so many children out there without homes almost makes it seem selfish to want to have a child instead of giving one that has already been brought into this world a home.
It actually would be interesting to teach the option of not having kids in home economics or health classes. Girls, from a very early age, are brainwashed to think that they need to have children. Not every woman is cut out for that or meant to do that. And they need to be taught to consider every side of the equation before having a child. Will there be enough money to support it? Will it be in a safe and caring environment? Do you have the patience? Have you considered adoption? And most importantly, why do you want this child?
Society does tend to look down on women who choose not to have children, but I think it's just human nature. Each species, no matter what, concentrates on passing genes to the next generation and ensuring the continuation of the species. It's natural instinct to procreate. When a female disrupts that cycle, she's going to be an outcast.
@True Reviews - very thoughtful response and I thank you for sharing it. Just one question - why does she have to be an outcast? Why can't we create space for this archetype too?
I agree there are multiple perspectives to look at this from. I have one child but no one should have children if they don't want to and they absolutely should not be pressured into having children. Choosing to not reproduce is definitely green. There are so many other ways to leave a mark on society through advocacy and education. The fact that children won't necessarily grow up to be like their parents is a good point as well.
Thank you for this wonderful article! Very informative.
I disagree with the moron who said women who choose not to have children are treated like outcasts. That is simply false. I chose not to have children and I have women come up to me all the time to tell me they wish they did what I did. Hardly an outcast, I have been treated like a hero. A woman who doesn't allow peer pressure and parents to dictate my life. That takes guts and is admired. The ones I pity are the Moms who have no life outside of their children. It is just beyond sad. I enjoy freedoms women with children can never have and that is sad.
I also want to say that I have friends that are great Moms and are genuinely happy with their decision to have children, but if you don't want to have children, don't let society pressure you.
nice review
I believe it is a personal choice whether or not to have children; there are benefits and drawbacks to both lifestyle choices. We should also remember, those who choose to mother are not a monolithic group. Mothering can involve formal or informal adoption or fostering, teachers and youth leaders, birthing children, etc. Women become mothers for varying reasons, but I fundamentally disagree that choosing to procreate is at its core a non-green activity. If we see the act of raising environmentally aware children to live in harmony with the Earth in a negative light then those who do not have children should also be forced to view themselves through the haze of guilt for their very existence--and I don't see that happening anytime soon. You can't have it both ways.
Jennifer28994 said "I disagree with the moron who said women who choose not to have children are treated like outcasts. That is simply false." No, that isn't always false if it is based on experience, no need to call someone a moron even if they were implying our society as a whole. I have been treated like an outcast by certain groups and people. Thank goodness it isn't felt too frequently and I don't have a victimization mindset because of a few very inappropriate comments.
My childfree lifestyle is partially influenced by my environmentalism as well as many other reasons. It makes me feel that for me, it's the right thing to do. I would like to see more people in our modern, post-agricultural, less diseased, more crowded time make similar choices. It seems to be catching on. Unfortunately, those who consider "childfree" to be odd might consider an ecological motivation to be sanctimonious liberal nonsense (haha, I'm not exactly liberal...). It's too bad that every friggin' thing is so very politicized, polarizes us.