Health » Relationships; Sex » Couples; Sex & Society » Pop culture: "High Infidelity: What Cheating Is (and Maybe Isn't)"

EdenFantasys Store

High Infidelity: What Cheating Is (and Maybe Isn't)

High Infidelity: What Cheating Is (and Maybe Isn't)
  •    
  • Print
  • E-mail
Lots of us do it. Some studies claim most of us do it. And if you believe what you see on cable news, it’s a prerequisite for a political career. Are we just a species that can’t say no?

  The Flying Trapeze

Genevieve, who calls her 33-year marriage to husband Marc “extremely happy and successful,” is a swinger. She and Marc began experimenting in the 1970s. “Our first attempt was an utter failure,” she laughs. “You can’t just do it with anyone who’s willing. You have to meet people, get to know and trust them, make sure that their relationship is as strong as your own—otherwise bonds that go deeper than sexual attraction can develop. That causes problems.”

Genevieve and Marc don’t believe what they do constitutes cheating. “We’re 100 percent committed to one another. We’ve raised two children; been through the ups and downs of marriage like any other couple. The swinging is fun. We enjoy the company of the friends we do it with, but it’s only sex. It’s not emotional intimacy. It’s not love.”

  Cowardly Lyin’

Infidelity, Kathy believes, generally stems not from the shortcomings of one’s relationship or partner—but from within. The 39-year-old speaks as a child of a marriage chewed up and spat out by philandering.

“My dad was a repeat cheater,” she says. Her parents, married 20 years, separated once when she was in the eighth grade, then reconciled—until another indiscretion. This one, while Kathy was in college, put the final nail in the coffin.

“Both acts seemed to yank away part of my personal innocence,” she says, adding that her father’s cheating affected her self-esteem, making her more cynical, less trusting. “It was painful to see what it did to my mother … I pitied her, I was heartbroken for her, yet on some level, I looked down on her, and felt a sense of shame—blamed her, even.”

Now a wife and mother herself, Kathy remains guilty over the feelings she harbored back then. “I was 19 and stupid. I thought I knew a whole lot more about life than I did. I wish I’d been more there for her.”

Even after two bouts of betrayal, Kathy’s mom—who married at 22 and helped put her husband through college—always tried to make it work. “She was in it for the long haul,” says Kathy, whose father ultimately pulled the trigger. “Some might say it was the divorce that led to my issues, not my father’s infidelity, but to me, they’re inseparable. It was simply the weapon he used to blast his way out of our family.”

  Basic Instinct?

Will hired Rachel “based on the fact that she was a long-legged, dark-haired beauty. In the back of my mind was the thought that, although we wouldn’t be working together directly, I’d enjoy seeing those legs around the office. Besides, we were both married.”

Two weeks later, the ‘hello’ e-mails started. “We soon graduated to discussions about her overbearing husband. I reasoned that I was free of any wrongdoing, sharing nothing of my fantasies. They were just thoughts.”

Eventually, she sent an e-mail with a pointed and provocative question. Pandora’s Box swung open with a thud.

“I don’t remember any conversation afterward that didn’t have some sexual or intimate content, yet I reasoned any fear or guilt with ‘She started it.’ ” Will readily admits he brushed aside the fact that he was risking both job and marriage. “I didn’t care that the IT department could read our e-mails; I didn’t care that leaving work one day, I’d met her husband. I cared only about the pussy I was sure to be getting.”

Eventually, that day came. Will admits he thought of nothing “except how good it felt to be me,” but that night, succumbed to pangs of guilt. “The next day she wrote that I was the best ever. That ego stroke was enough to justify doing it for another month or so—mostly nooners. They let her go soon after. Apparently someone didn’t like her coming back late from lunch.”

Will says he tries not to do the guilt thing. “It’s not my fault,” he shrugs, winking. “It’s a natural instinct, pure biology. I saw it on TLC.”

  Infidelity: The Poor Man’s Polyamory?

Okay, there’s some twisted version of truth there. Of approximately 5,000 mammalian species, only a handful has ever been called monogamous. This has led some people to claim monogamy is unnatural, something that’s been imposed on us over the millennia. For her part, Kathy doesn’t buy in.

“I have a hard time believing we’re not capable of monogamy. There are many parts of human existence that separate us from other mammals. I have to think this is one of them.”

Debbie has had some experience with infidelity. The first was a college boyfriend who cheated habitually with his ex; the second a long-distance lover she later discovered was married. Now 37, still single, she rattles off a host of reasons why people might stray, none linked to biology.

“Narcissism, a sense of entitlement, a naughty thrill. Some do it out of boredom or because they think life owes them more than they’re getting, some out of a sense of wanting more power in a relationship. Or for revenge. Often, I believe they’re not thinking through the consequences of cheating. They’re making a conscious choice to not do the right thing.”

“I won’t feel guilty about something almost everyone does, something that is ingrained in us all,” Will says of his month-long affair. “The hypocrites love to point their fingers and say ‘shame.’ Meanwhile, they have prostitutes on speed-dial. Spare me your pulpit speeches about the Devil. The Devil is me. And that’s fine, because I’ve done more good than bad in this lifetime, so pass the guilt somewhere else.”

Our Top Stories Being Recommended on Facebook

Comments

I was cheated once by my ex bf (he is my ex since then hehehe). I was smart enough at that time to buy myself one of these software that track mobiles. I was suspicious already, but that day he told me a series of events that didn't really match together. So when he went for his supposedly meeting, I tracked him and located him in another part of the town. So I went there thanks to that spy software, i knew the building because we went there a few times to some parties organized by one of his female colleague (married). I gave 50$ to the security to let me in saying i want to make a surprise to my friend. I got there, the apartment door was not even locked, the lusty bastard was probably too much in a rush to get laid, so I went in with my video on on my mobile and broke into the bedroom where he was just about to release his load in her mouth. He turned and released his load all over the place. They were very surprised indeed. And I caught it all on cam hahahaha!
Needless to say that he never saw me again after that day, despite the Gucci bag he sent me, a few pairs of shoes, bunches of roses, and even a nice necklace. I sold them all on eBay (except for the roses).
If you suspect your man to cheat on you, just be confident. Don't think too much. Act! Take things in hand, if you are interested in this tracking soft you can always check it out there: [http://bit.ly/eYzY5P] I highly recommend it. Go to the "crime scene"make them understand that you are not a fool, and just turn the page.You will probably get some nice presents too but don't fall for that! You deserve them.
Feel free to contact me if you want more advice on that!

Kisses

Angelicka

02/10/2011

What's Hot

Sexis in your inbox

Keep up on new articles, projects, columns and more