The New Intimacy

Eden Kink - Misconceptions in BDSM June 15, 2011 8 PM EST

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Contributor: Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
That all subs are doormats. That you have to fit into the labels. That all dominants are assholes. That there is only one true way to do things. That you have to submit to every man that requests it. That all subs are pain sluts ....to name a few.
Doms are just domestic abusers who find someone stupid enough to think its cool, I heard that on a forum once that I don't go to anymore, of course the same people also told me I was abusing my child for having sex in the same house where he might hear or walk in on us
06/15/2011
Contributor: PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
One of the biggest misconceptions I've heard is that the BDSM lifestyle is all about the sex and people getting naked together. In fact, that's what I thought when I first got involved in the community. I realized after getting involved, ... more
I have been actively involving myself in the community for about 2 months now and have just been gaining friends and experience. Sex hasnt come up at all and everyone that I have meet has been low pressure and very accepting. Its been great.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Aww, all of you do such a great job kissing my ass
I'm not kissing your ass, but I'd probably kiss the front bit.
06/15/2011
Contributor: [Red] [Red]
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
One of the biggest misconceptions I've heard is that the BDSM lifestyle is all about the sex and people getting naked together. In fact, that's what I thought when I first got involved in the community. I realized after getting involved, ... more
That's interesting; I'm fairly new to the lifestyle and haven't dug up much information about people who separate the kink from their sex lives, though I understand it's common policy not to have sex during public play parties. Something about the scene itself which confounds me is the idea of being that intimate with someone-- or a variety of someones-- other than one's lover(s). I'd like to hear more about this sort of mindset from those who are involved in it, if possible, simply so I can try to understand it better.
06/15/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Everyone into kink is crazy.

I took a human sexuality class and we used a book written by Dr. King. Did you know that the profile of a person into kink and/or BDSM is a well educated, middle class, law abiding citizen who is rather stable in society? People don't want to think that their accountant or phone salesperson could be into being sissified or beaten behind closed doors, so they make stereotypes about people. The psychological profile disproves those theories
06/15/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
Ohhh I have a jealous!
Its a surprise for the Mr. He is gone on work and has been talking about one. I was convinced at the Pipedream discussion that I should have one
06/15/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Or have Freudian issues.

Thanks for knowing otherwise, Sir!
No problem. I honestly sometimes feel that a slave/submissive needs to have more self-worth than others, because in order to take what their Dominant will deal, they must be confident enough in themselves to know that it's for their betterment as opposed to for their demise.
06/15/2011
Contributor: [Red] [Red]
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Oh, that reminds me. Another one, that all submissives have no self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, or pride.
This misconception was admittedly one which prevented me from accepting my own needs for a very long time, and it's one I observe most often among others who aren't familiar with the lifestyle.
06/15/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Serenesub
That all subs are doormats. That you have to fit into the labels. That all dominants are assholes. That there is only one true way to do things. That you have to submit to every man that requests it. That all subs are pain sluts ....to name a few.
All subs are doormats and you have to fit into labels.

The community where I live thrives on labels and if you differ from those labels then they don't want anything to do with you. The beautiful thing about kink is that it's fluid and you can explore different aspects safely with others like minded.

There are also people who think that all submissives should submit on the spot. Submissives who actually know how to say no are strong women and are no less submissive than the ones who say yes to everyone. Just because you're a submissive doesn't mean you're "they're" submissive.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
I'm not kissing your ass, but I'd probably kiss the front bit.
You just start trouble everywhere don't you, what with your fisting mittens from St. Patrick's Day and all your flirtiness
06/15/2011
Contributor: PunkyB PunkyB
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Everyone into kink is crazy.

I took a human sexuality class and we used a book written by Dr. King. Did you know that the profile of a person into kink and/or BDSM is a well educated, middle class, law abiding citizen who is rather stable in ... more
Probably because they have an outlet and have accepted themselves. I know once I got over the steriotype I was much happier to explore myself
06/15/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
congrats on your new icicles 24
Thanks, it was on my wishlist too!
06/15/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by [Red]
This misconception was admittedly one which prevented me from accepting my own needs for a very long time, and it's one I observe most often among others who aren't familiar with the lifestyle.
That's a shame. Glad that you have found otherwise!
06/15/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
No problem. I honestly sometimes feel that a slave/submissive needs to have more self-worth than others, because in order to take what their Dominant will deal, they must be confident enough in themselves to know that it's for their betterment as ... more
That echoes how I think.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
I'm not kissing your ass, but I'd probably kiss the front bit.
shes closer to me! mine first lol
06/15/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by [Red]
That's interesting; I'm fairly new to the lifestyle and haven't dug up much information about people who separate the kink from their sex lives, though I understand it's common policy not to have sex during public play parties. ... more
I learned to separate sex from BDSM because I would play with people I did not want to be sexually involved with. My shutting off the sexual desire I was able to focus on just the BDSM play and not fulfilling some sexual desire after. That's just me though. Does that make sense?
06/15/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
All subs are doormats and you have to fit into labels.

The community where I live thrives on labels and if you differ from those labels then they don't want anything to do with you. The beautiful thing about kink is that it's fluid ... more
I just wrote a post for eden cafe about BDSM being fluid!
06/15/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
All subs are doormats and you have to fit into labels.

The community where I live thrives on labels and if you differ from those labels then they don't want anything to do with you. The beautiful thing about kink is that it's fluid ... more
Very nicely said, VieuxCarre, I liked reading this!
06/15/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
Its a surprise for the Mr. He is gone on work and has been talking about one. I was convinced at the Pipedream discussion that I should have one
I like to put all 4 pads on my butt while I masturbate. It's like a hard spanking but you don't need anybody else there to get it!
06/15/2011
Contributor: Serenesub Serenesub
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
I like to put all 4 pads on my butt while I masturbate. It's like a hard spanking but you don't need anybody else there to get it!
*blinks and makes mental note* Thanks!
06/15/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
I learned to separate sex from BDSM because I would play with people I did not want to be sexually involved with. My shutting off the sexual desire I was able to focus on just the BDSM play and not fulfilling some sexual desire after. That's ... more
Definitely makes sense.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
shes closer to me! mine first lol
Oh you two, lol
06/15/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
No self esteem, no self confidence, no self pride

I'm sorry, but I have to have high self esteem, confidence, and pride in myself to submit to my Master and to even allow him to do the things he does to me. If I'm not secure in myself, how can I be secure in our relationship? Being submissive or dominant takes all of these ingredients to be successful. If you lack either one of these, you may be disappointed with your experiences. Most of the people I have met in this community have high self esteem, pride, and confidence.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
I like to put all 4 pads on my butt while I masturbate. It's like a hard spanking but you don't need anybody else there to get it!
Brilliant! I might have to add this to my wishlist too.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
You just start trouble everywhere don't you, what with your fisting mittens from St. Patrick's Day and all your flirtiness
Lmao, I can't help it. I have no filter.
06/15/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
Doms are just domestic abusers who find someone stupid enough to think its cool, I heard that on a forum once that I don't go to anymore, of course the same people also told me I was abusing my child for having sex in the same house where he ... more
I think that you should be open with your children to some degree about sex. (I don't mean having sex in front of them lol) If they know that we are people just like they are with the same desires it makes them feel better about approaching us with questions. I am having a proud momma day about the "talk" and giving condoms to my oldest. Hes not having sex yet but is getting serious about his first real girlfriend. He didn't even blush when I handed them to him.
06/15/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
Oh you two, lol
I wasn't kissing ass. Okay, maybe a little so you don't throttle me privately
06/15/2011
Contributor: Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by Emma (Girl With Fire)
I like to put all 4 pads on my butt while I masturbate. It's like a hard spanking but you don't need anybody else there to get it!
that is an interesting use..... *takes notes*
06/15/2011
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by [Red]
That's interesting; I'm fairly new to the lifestyle and haven't dug up much information about people who separate the kink from their sex lives, though I understand it's common policy not to have sex during public play parties. ... more
There is nothing wrong with intimacy other than one's own partner because some people are compatible on the bdsm level but not on other levels. I may have a partner who I love who is completely vanilla, but I need someone to fill the BDSM part of me (this is an example, not exactly true). That's how it is for some. Yes, BDSM is a very intimate form of sharing one's wants and desires with another, that exchange, but it's not necessarily sexual or even something that's lived for a set amount of time. The two may play nicely together in a dungeon setting, but they may not outside of that.

Hope that that helps!
06/15/2011
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
Doms are just domestic abusers who find someone stupid enough to think its cool, I heard that on a forum once that I don't go to anymore, of course the same people also told me I was abusing my child for having sex in the same house where he ... more
Dominants are FAR from being domestic abusers! Like I said before, any Dominant with any merit will always get your consent before engaging in activities. Any man who doesn't and uses bdsm as an excuse to beat you or harm you is an abuser. A dominant will NEVER use BDSM as an excuse for anything regarding play or sex.
06/15/2011