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How can I get over my fear of anal sex?

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Contributor: Amahetsy Amahetsy
Amahetsy
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Amahetsy
I've tried anal sex exactly three times before (first two times with one guy, and the third time with another one) and I just can't seem to be able to relax as I want to. Of course, once my sphincter has finally opened up and relax, I can say that it does feel good. The problem lies with the very start of it, but the ending seems to be fairly good.

Any tips on how I can learn to relax my ass and take it in without complaints?
04/23/2012
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Informative topic breakdown of Anal Sex:

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04/23/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Lots of foreplay, lots of lube, plenty of time. Make sure you're very aroused, ideally having had at least one orgasm if you can do multiples.

You also need to make sure that you give your anus plenty of good feeling experiences so you're no longer anxious about it hurting at the beginning. That's a self-fufilling prophecy. Try toys, fingers, whatever.
04/23/2012
Contributor: NewEnglandCouple NewEnglandCouple
^^^ That's all you need right there. You have to want it, take is slow and easy, learn your body and stop if there's pain. Baby steps. No one starts riding a 2" this cock like a seasoned porn star on their first time. Even they had to train themselves to relaxe their asses on command.
04/24/2012
Contributor: Amahetsy Amahetsy
Thanks very much for the responses and I'm definitely going to keep this in mind next time I try it.
04/24/2012
Contributor: sammyjojo sammyjojo
I'd say some self-exploration in the area might help as well. If you play with some toys and figure out what helps you relax, then you can put that to use when you are with a partner.
04/24/2012
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Some me time first. Spend some time solo using toys or fingers so that you are more comfortable with anal play. Then, make sure your partner takes things slow and does not rush things. He needs to understand that it will take some time for you to relax. Maybe have him use a toy on you first as you guide him through it.
04/24/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by NewEnglandCouple
^^^ That's all you need right there. You have to want it, take is slow and easy, learn your body and stop if there's pain. Baby steps. No one starts riding a 2" this cock like a seasoned porn star on their first time. Even they had to ... more
Rumor has it even porn stars can't necessarily "relax on command" - they just warm up off-camera.

Porn isn't a good idea to get techniques from.
04/24/2012
Contributor: Amahetsy Amahetsy
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Rumor has it even porn stars can't necessarily "relax on command" - they just warm up off-camera.

Porn isn't a good idea to get techniques from.
Yeah, I don't follow porn when it comes to these lol.
04/25/2012
Contributor: Amahetsy Amahetsy
This is all very helpful.I'm definitely going to spend some me time.
04/25/2012
Contributor: gloomybear gloomybear
this is probly not the best advice but my main issue with anal is the anxiety and embarrassment. my bf loves anal and i want to make him happy so now we only have anal if ive been drinking because im much more calm and it even dulls the pain
04/25/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by gloomybear
this is probly not the best advice but my main issue with anal is the anxiety and embarrassment. my bf loves anal and i want to make him happy so now we only have anal if ive been drinking because im much more calm and it even dulls the pain
STOP. Do not pass go, do not put anything in your butt. Tell your boyfriend to back off for a while - if he loves you he will not want you to be in pain and will be willing to wait for you to be ready.

You now associate anal play with pain, and that has to be undone. Get some lube, get excited, and bring in some external anal play while you're masturbating on your own. Pay attention to the feelings, realize that they can feel good. Don't put anything inside yet. Do this as long as it takes for you to enjoy it and stop clenching whenever something touches your anus. Then move on to small penetration - a finger, or other very small toy. Warm up before and do stimulate yourself (but take a break during the actual insertion, because genital stimulation tends to result in tightening the anus). Slowly move up as you learn that anal play does not have to involve pain.

The next part is best thought of as a step back. You need to do the external play thing with your boyfriend, so you can learn that you can trust him. It's good to combine with his giving you head if he's willing. Then you move up through small insertion (finger, small toy) to bigger toy. Eventually you'll be confident that you can take his penis without pain. Then you can try anal sex again.

This may take months. If your partner is cooperating rewards are always nice - just not anal.
04/25/2012
Contributor: Amahetsy Amahetsy
Quote:
Originally posted by gloomybear
this is probly not the best advice but my main issue with anal is the anxiety and embarrassment. my bf loves anal and i want to make him happy so now we only have anal if ive been drinking because im much more calm and it even dulls the pain
Oh, wow... maybe you can use some of this advice as well.
04/29/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
STOP. Do not pass go, do not put anything in your butt. Tell your boyfriend to back off for a while - if he loves you he will not want you to be in pain and will be willing to wait for you to be ready.

You now associate anal play with pain, ... more
I agree with 98% of what you said, Scott. NO ONE should put up with pain during anal. They aren't ready and it will only lead to more pain. No partner who loves his or her partner wants the one he or she loves to have this kind of pain during what should be enjoyable and arousing.

Using drugs or alcohol to dull "the pain" can lead to even more dangerous things.

The only thing I disagree with is "no genital stimulation." I think it varies from person to person. I really enjoy double penetration, and in order to have anal sex (which I LOVE) I NEED to have an orgasm first, and I also usually have a phallic vibrator or dildo inserted vaginally. For many women this is a comfortable and familiar sensation and for many of us can help us get more into anal sex. For me, genital stimulation RELAXES my bottom, and it helps me get ready for anal penetration.

People also may need to slowly and carefully experiment to see what works for them, but S-T-O-P if it hurts.
04/29/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Amahetsy
I've tried anal sex exactly three times before (first two times with one guy, and the third time with another one) and I just can't seem to be able to relax as I want to. Of course, once my sphincter has finally opened up and relax, I can say ... more
1. Lube, lube and more lube. In my case, him playing with my tush for a good thirty minutes with his finger really opens me up nice, as I am very tight.
2. Position. I have said it here a zillion times. I am an oddball. Doggy style HURTS. We don't do it, despite what the porn movies show. If I do anal I am laying on my left side, and he is either spooning me or standing on the side of the bed, and my tush is off the edge, OR he is standing on the side of the bed, and I am on my back, with my legs UP high (good for vaginal too), with my feet on his chest or over his shoulders. Great view and he can play with my boobs and clit with his hands too, while having COMFORTABLE anal.

In both those positions, and GOING SLOW, he can penetrate me and it DOES NOT HURT. I hate pain. Also, experiment with different lubes. Even with specific anal lubes, some just make it feel SO much better....plus have him go SLOW. Remember, this piledriver stuff is NOT the real world, unless you work up to it.

ENJOY.
04/29/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Amahetsy
Oh, wow... maybe you can use some of this advice as well.
Oh my.....when doing anal you DON'T want your senses dulled. You WANT pain there as a STOP signal. ANAL should not hurt. Anal should be FUN. Being SOBER in bed is a hell of a lot more fun then drunk and forgetful.
04/29/2012
Contributor: Vegan Silk Vegan Silk
I'm still working up to anal sex. I'm very nervous about it. I started with the little flirt and then progressed to the Ace small. I'm still working on the Tristan.

take things step by step and use a good lube. My favorite is sassy boot by sliquid
04/29/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
Take your time, take your time, take your time. And there's no reason to just jump right in to having anal with a thrusting penis... there are many other kinds of ways to explore anal pleasure, such as plugs and small probes.

Every time you do try anal, start small (a finger, a little plug) and slowly work your way up to whatever your goal is for that session (a bigger plug, or a penis, etc.).

And lube, lube, lube!
04/29/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Amahetsy
I've tried anal sex exactly three times before (first two times with one guy, and the third time with another one) and I just can't seem to be able to relax as I want to. Of course, once my sphincter has finally opened up and relax, I can say ... more
Have to respond to this, once more. Just read a "blog" elsewhere, in which a young lady described about the same issue. She said she deliberately set aside a long, lazy weekend afternoon for JUST anal play. Nothing else. She told her lover that he was ONLY to enjoy her butt that day.
He could lick it, kiss it, massage it...whatever, leading up to penetration, BUT....he "had to last all afternoon" (thus making HIM slow WAY, WAY down).

In that way, she said SHE learned to really relax and as her rear end learned to savor the attention, anal became easier for her as the following weeks and months went on.

Sounds like a great technique.
06/26/2012
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Have to respond to this, once more. Just read a "blog" elsewhere, in which a young lady described about the same issue. She said she deliberately set aside a long, lazy weekend afternoon for JUST anal play. Nothing else. She told her lover ... more
Link?
06/26/2012
Contributor: LadyDarknezz LadyDarknezz
I, too, have fear of anal sex because I associate it with the sexual abuse I've received in the past. I'm terrified of it, but I want to try to enjoy it one day. I just can't seem to make my backside relax for anything, so I gave up for the time being. Since I'm single, I doubt there's any hurry for me to try and get used to anal anyway.
06/27/2012