The New Intimacy

Should I change my mind?

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Contributor: Cinnyree Cinnyree
I have always been against Anal sex or play of any kind. I have heard way to many males make jokes about when the one hole isn't tight anymore...
I have only ever let it happen twice in my life and I was really drunk both times. No lube was used, it hurt too much, and I stopped it.
I've always thought of it as "you have to stand for something or you'll fall for anything". This is what I stand for, or maybe against.
Also I've never been one to 'try anything once'. It always seems to turn into "aww come on you did it before and it didn't kill you". I don't want to be forced to have it as part of my repertoire.
This site has shown me that anal play isn't just about males being jerks. Do I wanna change?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Yes, you'll love it
marmouse , HannahPanda , Hallmar82 , Herzer , Gunsmoke , srval69 , Pr1nc355T0m , JackRaiden , Bubba29 , Minamie , Bignuf , SecretKinksters , Adnerbmw
13  (24%)
No, If you are against it stay with your gut
edeneve , Zombirella , eri86 , K101 , Noelle , Marie Hanna , No-nita , babyrock , indiechick , gatewayer57@yahoo.com , fly1212 , Pete's Princess
12  (22%)
other...let me explain
Woman China , PropertyOfPotter , never shy , Gdom , *Camoprincess* , melissa1973 , sunkissedJess , bratcat , FieryRed , KrissyNovacaine , wicked48 , GingerSpice , jr2012 , melliegirl , Trysexual , Stagger13 , dancingduo , Robespierrethecat , Two Grand , LoveX , leanright69 , SickOnSin , C&K0143 , HarpAngel999 , Thong man , peppermintgal , Happy Kupple , MissMori , earthmama
29  (54%)
Total votes: 54
Poll is closed
06/14/2013
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Informative topic breakdown of Anal Sex:

Anal Sex
My husband really wants to try anal sex, I've been very nervous about because of the pain of it. Any tips or advice on easing the pain of it. Thanks

Do you enjoy watching yourself penetrating your partners anus during anal sex?
We love both anal and vaginal sex, but regardless of position, or angle of view, I find myself most drawn to watching my penetration of her bottom as.

Positions?
Is there a position for anal sex that you find the most comfortable and/or enjoyable? Especially for a first timer?

Does anyone engage in anal sex only to please their partner, but would never do it for any other reason?
Is there anyone here who does participate in anal play, without really getting any pleasure out of it, but does so JUST for their partner? If you...

Anal sex question: douching
I douche before my gal gives me anal play. I have found that even after cleaning myself twice, I still leak brown liquid after play. Is there...
06/14/2013
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
hey, pain is pain. don't ever allow someone to force or guilt you into doing any sexual activity you don't want to do. I've found that if I have a simple pat answer & keep repeating it, "they" will stop pressuring me. the more you do this, the easier it gets. besides, it's your body & no one has the right to decide what is best for it. you're the only one that has that right. btw, the pressure comes from that person's "want" w/o considering what you want - pretty selfish. if "they" really care about you, they wouldn't pressure you since you've made it known how you feel about it. follow your gut and what you believe is in your best interests. PM me if you want to talk.
06/14/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I think it's important to keep an open mind about things when it comes to sex. Having bad experiences always makes that more difficult, but the more open you are to things, the more potential pleasure you'll receive.

What about trying out some anal toys on your own? That way, you can see how you feel about it, without there being any expectations from a partner.

I've never enjoyed anal sex, but I've never been pressured into it. My husband jokes about it sometimes, but he also knows that when I feel ready for it, I'll tell him. He respects me and my decisions. He's not a jerk about it at all and any man that is, doesn't deserve to be close to you in that way.

Go at it on your own and see how you feel. If you don't like it, don't engage in anal sex! Simple as that!
06/14/2013
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
You said you were against anal play, but didn't really say why. I think that is what really needs to be explained. If you are against it because it is gross and just the ick factor of it makes you feel off, then you might not enjoy it if you ever try it. But, if you are against it because the couple times you tried it, it just hurt... you might find that if done right and under the right circumstances you enjoy it lots and lots!

Not enjoying anal because some men say some negative things is... well... silly. (Not trying to be offensive here, but it is like a man calling some women bitches because she chooses not to sleep with him, or a woman calling a man an asshole because he told her that their relationship was over. Is the woman really a bitch or the man really an asshole?)

If it is not something you want to do, don't do it. If it is something you are curious about, I'd suggest trying it on your own with to discover what you think about it.

There are some people who prefer anal sex to vaginal sex, and some prefer vaginal to anal sex too. But it all comes down to what you feel comfortable with.

But just remember, if you decide to ever try anal again (on your own or with a partner), LUBE. Lots and lots of lube. Go slow, get comfortable, start small.
06/14/2013
Contributor: Cinnyree Cinnyree
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
You said you were against anal play, but didn't really say why. I think that is what really needs to be explained. If you are against it because it is gross and just the ick factor of it makes you feel off, then you might not enjoy it if you ever ... more
it mostly comes down to the unknown. It never occurred to me before this site to ask "why not" the question was merely "why would I want to" I guess it is just my outlook on the subject

Starting out with a toy may be exactly the right answer. That way
I can explore and if I don't like it no male ever has to know.
I think lube is actually the answer. I don't need lube for vaginal sex. I never felt any need to jump hoops for something I had no interest in.
It's only now that I have all these discussions on Eden to read and all the neat toys to look at that I am wondering if I should change my mind.
06/14/2013
Contributor: never shy never shy
I was completely against it but I found with a great partner willing to take it slow when your in the mood and with a good bottle of anal lube you may love it. If your not in the mood for it don't try it
06/14/2013
Contributor: HannahPanda HannahPanda
Try it with the right person and you might love it!
06/14/2013
Contributor: Gdom Gdom
First off, if you really, truly don't want to do anal play, that's completely fine and no one should fault you for that. Having a healthy and positive attitude toward sex doesn't mean you HAVE to like everything.

That said, anal play can be fantastic for everyone involved if it's done correctly. Inebriation and lack of lube almost invariably spell disaster for any session of anal sex, so it's not too surprising that your past experiences have been bad. If you're curious about whether you might like GOOD anal, I'd highly recommend giving it a try with plenty of lube (for anal, the rule is "too much lube is almost enough") and a nice, slow warm-up. If things hurt, something's wrong and things need to slow down.

Whatever you decide, good luck and have fun!
06/14/2013
Contributor: Hallmar82 Hallmar82
Yes, but do it right - lots of lube and go superslow.
06/14/2013
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
I have always heard you may not like it with one person but may enjoy it and love it with another person. My current partner has tried talking me into it and I have told him eventually. I have been exploring anal on my own with toys from Eden but we haven't done anal anything together. He doesn't know I ma exploring on my own either. We will try it together eventually. Do everything at your own pace, if there is ever pain STOP cause you could be taring your anal tissue and that can cause infection if not careful. Use lots of lube and go slow
06/14/2013
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
It's not for me. Vaginal sex only is fine with me! I have no desire to try it.
06/15/2013
Contributor: Fluke Fluke
If you didn't try it with lube it doesn't count, of course it is bad without lube! Get some lube and the smallest anal toy you can find (something like the lil' end sold here at EF) and go for it.

I think you are an awesome person for thinking about it and being so open-minded to trying something new.
06/15/2013
Contributor: eri86 eri86
You can be open minded about sex without having to be open to doing it yourself.

Anal isn't something that interests you, nor has it been pleasant for you. Sure, under sober and ideal circumstances, maybe it could be enjoyable, with the right person.

But that is still just an if. So yes, stand your ground and say 'no.'

If you ever change your mind, do so because you want to. Not because someone thinks you should.
06/15/2013
Contributor: sunkissedJess sunkissedJess
All I can say is to do what you want to do. It's okay to change your mind.
06/15/2013
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Cinnyree
I have always been against Anal sex or play of any kind. I have heard way to many males make jokes about when the one hole isn't tight anymore...
I have only ever let it happen twice in my life and I was really drunk both times. No lube was ... more
I always, always say if you're uncomfortable about it, you shouldn't do it. That's just me though & I'm sure it's more complicated than that, but that's just me. I personally am not at all comfortable with it & my partner respects that. He doesn't have an interest in it anyway, so it works out.
06/15/2013
Contributor: bratcat bratcat
The choice is totally up to you, and if you are comfortable enough with your current partner (or partners) to discuss the possibility of trying it out do so! Over time you sexual preferences may change and you may find you find some new things or things you once hated more pleasurable. I will say i can understand your hesitation with your past experiences, as it was a very unsafe way to go about anal play.
If this is something you think you'd like to try out, be sure to do so that you're comfortable while playing around with your ass. Warm up is a key, have a partner try a single finger and work their way up to two, using a slow and steady pace. If you find this pleasurable you can try a small plug and eventually work up to anal sex. make sure to ALWAYS use lube. There arnt many mucous gland in your anas, so you dont really have much "natural lubricant" back there, so using lube is a must and theres really no such thing as there being too much lube.
If you try it out and find it's something you dont like, you are never obligated to do it again, or even continue with the act 30 seconds into it.

It's all about your personal preference and being comfortable! If you think you'd like to try, do so! If you don't, then theres no reason to! It's all up to you my friend!
06/15/2013
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
Quote:
Originally posted by Cinnyree
it mostly comes down to the unknown. It never occurred to me before this site to ask "why not" the question was merely "why would I want to" I guess it is just my outlook on the subject

Starting out with a toy may be ... more
Before I started in on anal, I never used lube, had no need for it. When anal play solo and partner became something I wanted to explore, lube became more used. Now? I've just realised everything is just so much better lube!!!

It seems you are more curious about it.... I say go for it, figure out if you like it on your own with some toys!!!
06/15/2013
Contributor: ImaGodiva ImaGodiva
Bratcat's advice is good - if it's something you think you might want to try, why not just start playing around a little back there, with no goal in mind? Start on your own like Woman China said. If you decide to try with your partner, communication is key. Make sure your partner knows not to do anything more until you ask him/her to, and take it in little baby steps.

Start with gentle fingers around the exterior area, with lube, always with lube because the tissue is very sensitive, inside & out. If you like that, then next time after some more exterior play, try a little finger (make sure fingernails are very short!) and go from there as you want to. You'll know if you want to go further, and if not, then stop! If you enjoy some of it, focus on that, stay where you're still liking it and just enjoy it.

You might be surprised by how much you like it and/or want more when there's no goal to reach and you're relaxed, not worried about it going too fast. I see it as part of lovemaking, not a separate goal to accomplish, and it's an intense experience that can be really awesome.

If you want to, and I recommend it, you can turn it around and let your partner experience each step too. He/she should be willing to try what you're trying, and probably won't regret it.
06/15/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by Cinnyree
it mostly comes down to the unknown. It never occurred to me before this site to ask "why not" the question was merely "why would I want to" I guess it is just my outlook on the subject

Starting out with a toy may be ... more
Your position is rather similar to mine, actually. Long ago, when I dated men (and then was married to one), I tried anal sex a few times. A couple of the times were...okay, but a couple were rather uncomfortable. I haven't had much interest in such things since then, although when I've had a female partner who was, I had no problem doing anal things to her.

Lately, though, having tried so many dildos and vibes already, and seen so many reviews on the various anal toys...and seeing how pretty some of them are...I've been considering getting one of the small ones to try out, and see if maybe I'm missing something amazing. The difference between you and me, though, is that it sounds like you're with a man who really wants to have anal sex, whereas my partner is a woman who has no interest in it (although I think she'd be fine with doing things to me if I wanted it). That Meteorite from Tantus is so pretty...

Because of that difference, there's something else that needs to be mentioned here. Anal sex is the type of sex which puts you at the highest risk for STIs. This is because the tissue in your rectum is very thin and doesn't have its own lubrication, which means it tears very easily; also, that tissue is very absorbent. So, unless you're 100% certain that you're in an STI-free, monogamous relationship, you'll want to use at least one condom--preferably two--and LOTS of lube specifically formulated for anal sex.
06/15/2013
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
If there is something about it that is intriguing to you then it may be worth a try with a small toy. If it is something that you feel you *should* like because everyone else does, then don't. Everything isn't for every person.

I had similar bad experiences with anal sex, and I wasn't particularly interested in it. I got with one of my current partners who was into it, and we took it slow and at my pace, and I really enjoy it now.
06/15/2013
Contributor: wicked48 wicked48
Go with your gut. I will admit that I haven't tried anal play and in the past I didn't think I wanted to try it. However, after reading the discussion posts on EF, I am now more open to trying anal play. I have also been considering getting one of the smaller toys and trying it.
06/15/2013
Contributor: GingerSpice GingerSpice
if you are up to try it in a relaxed, lubed setting with someone you trust, i say go for it, but if deep down inside your experience really leads to to stay away, then it's totally up to you. i used to be afraid, and yes, had the guy friends that would joke around as you were stating in the post, but i tried it, and now i love it but of course it's with my trusted partner and we always make sure the mood is right, he's never done it without knowing if i was up for it or not..good luck and if you do go for it, i hope you love it
06/15/2013
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
My wife resisted anal sex for 23+ years - until about 3 months ago. Now she has orgasms during anal sex - with a little help from a clit vibe. It is not unusual for her to request it.

As with many things the primary change is mental - the and with anal, you have to add adequate preparation. Although there may be some discomfort, there should never be pain.

For example if we've progressed too quickly, there can be discomfort upon entry. When this happens we simply pause for a minute or so, then resume slowly - it works for us.

Have an open mind, go slow, use plenty of lube - and enjoy!
06/15/2013
Contributor: Cinnyree Cinnyree
thank you all!
You guys are always so helpful, I love this site
06/15/2013
Contributor: jr2012 jr2012
only change if you want to change. And since you've had bad experiences in the past, I would advise maybe doing it on your own first with your fingers or an anal toy.

But if you really don't want to, it's not like you're missing out on a huge part of life or anything!
06/15/2013
Contributor: melliegirl melliegirl
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
hey, pain is pain. don't ever allow someone to force or guilt you into doing any sexual activity you don't want to do. I've found that if I have a simple pat answer & keep repeating it, "they" will stop pressuring me. the ... more
agree 100% wonderful answer
06/15/2013
Contributor: Marie Hanna Marie Hanna
If you don't want to do it don't.
06/15/2013
Contributor: Two Grand Two Grand
Try it on your self go slow use a lot of lube.You can tell after a while if you like it or not, Find apartner who you trust and experiment
06/18/2013
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
Quote:
Originally posted by Cinnyree
thank you all!
You guys are always so helpful, I love this site
Now. Make sure you come back here and tell us what happened!! Did you? Didn't you????
06/18/2013