Hey there! I love that you started this post, because I think a lot of people here have felt the way you do at one point or another.
The deal with jelly. Hmm...well, it's like this. Sex toys - unlike food or drugs in the United States - do not have to go through rigorous safety testing in order to reach our markets. For this reason, many toys on the market that have been pulled for random testing have showed traces of cancer causing compounds such as cadmium and lead! So as far as jelly and other squishy materials, you run the chance of putting something potentially cancerous in your body if you use it without a condom. When your sex toys are made by a reputable company with transparent manufacturing policies (like Tantus, who are very open about the process of creating their toys) and they are made from 100% safe materials like silicone, you do not run that same risk.
In truth, there is nothing inherently wrong with jelly.
I definitely understand your defensiveness, because when I first was told jelly could be harmful I felt like people were suggesting I was ignorant or uneducated, and furthermore I loved my jelly toys! I still own and use jelly toys, but I don't insert them because I am prone to yeast and bacterial infections. I also have to say that going from vaginal to anal is really unsafe with jelly, because you can clean and clean and clean but because jelly has "pores" like skin, it absorbs bacteria. In other words, you can scrub the surface all you want, but the bacteria is down below the surface.
Non-porous toys like metal or silicone cannot absorb bacteria, so after a good cleaning you can go from anal to vaginal play without an issue. However, you absolutely can use jelly toys with relative safety
if you use a condom or other barrier method, and preferably if you don't go from anal to vaginal. But I hope we here at Edenfantasys haven't made you feel like your choice in toys and materials is wrong or misguided, because it's not. Ultimately, every individual should make choices about their body and health for themselves. At Eden, a lot of us just want everyone to have all the information first so they can make their decision with all the information on hand.
I hope this was helpful, because we definitely don't want to you feel unwelcome or not in some kind of silicone "clique" or something!