Wow! That's terrible! This may sound cold, but I suggest finding a new partner who will fulfill your desires.
Featured by EdenFantasys
What are your thoughts on a partner who refuses to perform oral sex?
09/20/2021
Quote:
From a mental health perspective
Originally posted by
Bex1331
My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest
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My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt...
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The initial question really depends on the couple's dynamic
If both of you were fine with it- then it would not matter if you both performed oral, neither of you did, or only one of you - but effort/contribution to the relationship overall should be balanced. For people who either do not enjoy oral sex or who don't care - their partner ideally would be meeting their needs in other areas - ideally sexually, but some people have healthy dynamics where one party has lower sexual desire or needs - and they focus on meeting their partners needs, but then the partner takes care of/meets most or all of their needs in another area. Healthy relationships are about overall balance - not tit for tat.
Since it sounds like it is causing you distress and you have expressed your feelings/desire - he sounds like a selfish lover and like this is probably not an even relationship dynamic in other areas as well.
What reinforced this was his refusal to use his hands to pleasure you too.. While sometimes we need to compromise certain preferences/things we enjoy because of a partner's proclivities, possible trauma responses, or even just preferences - he clearly sounds unconcerned by your pleasure and entirely unreasonable.
I am sorry you are experiencing this. Totally natural to internalize, but please hear me when I say this is not your fault/about you. You do not need to be ashamed of your body- you need an actual partner.
This sounds like just a symptom of a bigger problem. If that's the case, highly recommend finding a healthier dynamic.
Best of Luck!
04/12/2023
I guess it depends on their reasons. If a partner doesn't like performing oral sex - or any other sex act - that's okay by me. Everyone has their comfort zones and you won't always have a partner who enjoys the same things you do. BUT, I'd want to figure out ways we *could* both pleasure each other. It sounds like he's not doing that - unless you can cum from penetrative sex and/or use toys, it doesn't seem like you're getting any satisfaction out of this arrangement.
I do know of people who are major germophobes or have similar issues, but as another poster said, he has sex with you (or at least, so I assume) which means he's going to come in contact with the wetness anyways. Oral is one thing but not being willing to use his hands at all either? That's a weird hang-up to me.
It also sounds like he has not offered an explanation for these dislikes, and the fact that he isn't just "not into it" but reacted with disgust is a red flag IMO. That can be really hurtful for your partner. Even if you are a huge germophone or whatever, you should at least be upfront about that and reassure your partner that it is not them or their body that is the issue.
Ultimately I think you need to have a really honest conversation about this with him. Aside from sexual compatibility, it doesn't seem as though he's giving much consideration to you as a person. If he doesn't respond well to you bringing it up, or if he minimizes your hurt feelings, or isn't interested in finding ways to take care of your needs ... dump his ass.
I do know of people who are major germophobes or have similar issues, but as another poster said, he has sex with you (or at least, so I assume) which means he's going to come in contact with the wetness anyways. Oral is one thing but not being willing to use his hands at all either? That's a weird hang-up to me.
It also sounds like he has not offered an explanation for these dislikes, and the fact that he isn't just "not into it" but reacted with disgust is a red flag IMO. That can be really hurtful for your partner. Even if you are a huge germophone or whatever, you should at least be upfront about that and reassure your partner that it is not them or their body that is the issue.
Ultimately I think you need to have a really honest conversation about this with him. Aside from sexual compatibility, it doesn't seem as though he's giving much consideration to you as a person. If he doesn't respond well to you bringing it up, or if he minimizes your hurt feelings, or isn't interested in finding ways to take care of your needs ... dump his ass.
06/08/2023
Sweetcandy7
Nope. Nu uh, no way! I love receiving oral. I don't get it as much as I like, but it's kind of understandable. I'm a big time Squirter and can make a pretty big mess. My bf is really good at it so it's almost a given that I'll cum. No, that's something I could def not do without. I don't really get orgasms from just intercourse. Some clit play usually has to be involved. So if I don't get oral, I'd rarely get off, and F that lol
06/23/2023
sorry but RED FLAG
07/17/2023
MauiWanderer
Quote:
Yeah, I'll never understand why other men don't like to give oral. Why not?! What's not to like about it? It's one of my favorite things to do sexually, so I can't even imagine why other men refuse to perform oral on their women.
Originally posted by
Bex1331
My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest
...
more
My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt...
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You said he wouldn't even finger you too though, that kind of sounds even worse to me. Like he just uses you for his own pleasure!
10/15/2023
LuvinIT
Quote:
I'd find a few toys and if that isn't enough I'd flat out tell him if he doesn't do it, someone else will.
Originally posted by
Bex1331
My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest
...
more
My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt...
less
11/24/2023
FlareMarant
I know this is an old post, but girl, I sincerely hope you’ve gotten rid of that dude. I sure would. I don’t give what I don’t receive, and since I give a DAMN fine blowjob, he’d better be lashing my pussy with gusto. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER than that body shaming child. And YES, backing away from your nectar filled blossom in disgust IS BODY SHAMING.
12/07/2023