My spouse wants to try anal... Help!

My spouse wants to try anal... Help!

Erin Edwards Erin Edwards
Erin Edwards
Related to: 
I feel kind of silly for posting a discussion about this, because this is way out of my comfort Zone, but my spouse wants to try anal, and I'm kind of really terrified of it. I was talking about it with a close friend and she is completely closed off to the idea saying "that is definitely an exit only". If anyone could offer some advice of personal experiences with your first time it'd be greatly appreciated!!

(I've looked it up on many different sites of what you need to do and how you need to be completely comfortable and relaxed, but I find myself still super uneasy.)
  • Buy 1 Toy, Get 2 FREE
  • Sexy Treats For Her! Gorgeous Gift Set For $60
  • The Complete Lovers Kit! Expert Couples Gift Set For $60
  • Spoil Him! Luxury Gift Set for Men For $60
  • Save 85% on Selected Items. Limited Quantity
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
MrWill MrWill
Originally posted by Erin Edwards
I feel kind of silly for posting a discussion about this, because this is way out of my comfort Zone, but my spouse wants to try anal, and I'm kind of really terrified of it. I was talking about it with a close friend and she is completely closed ...
Well, I would recommend doing some research (or talking to self professed anal aficionados) to ease yourself into it.

There are so many nerve endings in the anus that it can be immensely pleasurable or horribly painful, all depending on how it is done.

I would recommend (if you wish to try this with your spouse) to start completely by yourself with a good lube and a finger. If you can tolerate that, maybe consider a very slim toy. The Li'l End would probably be a great starter toy.

If you aren't interested in trying anal at all, that's your prerogative.

If you are however, don't expect to just ram things home the first time, and make sure your spouse is perfectly clear on the understanding that if you say stop it is time to stop. (Whether anyone wants to believe it or not, if you say stop and it doesn't.. you are being raped.)

Essentially, you need a good lube (Maximus is the top rated anal lube on Eden, and is great for aspects of sexual play), patience, and for your partner to understand that it may take time before you can just bend over and take him (or her) anally, however the situation may be.

Good luck!
indiglo indiglo
Erin, welcome to Eden!

I sure can't answer your question any better than Mr. Willy did! Maybe by exploring anal play alone first, you can decide if it's something that you like... or something you'd prefer NOT to explore any further.

I'll also give my experience with anal play: the first couple of times, my small "first plug" felt just plain weird. I wasn't used to having that kind of stimulation in that area. For me, it took about 3 attempts to get used to the stimulation and actually realized it felt good.

Just to let you know, you may try it and think "this feels weird, not for me"... and that's totally fine. But if you really want to keep exploring, it might take a few tries to get used to it and begin to enjoy it. Still, all in your pace and at your desire only.
1001 Pleasures 1001 Pleasures
It's normal to be apprehensive about anal play if you haven't tried it. You've already done some research about it...maybe before you try anal intercourse, you should look into some anal toys that are geared more toward first timers. That would be a good stepping stone to see if you enjoy that sort of thing and would help ease you into it. It takes awhile to get used to those new sensations and teach your body to relax muscles that you're used to keeping clenched.
marriedlady123 marriedlady123
My personal experience: I tried it with an ex in college. I was super scared, but did want to try it. We tried with minimal lube or preparation, I know not the best way. He got it about a half inch in and I screamed and jumped halfway across the bed. After he saw that it was hurting me he never asked again! Some men just don't realize that I think.

But then again, I know that some women love anal (I just am not one of them) so perhaps you may enjoy it more than you think you will!
CutiePatootie CutiePatootie
Lube lube lube lube. I love anal and my husband loves giving it to me. Make sure to be open minded (it sounds like you're getting there) and relax. Help him guide it in too.
novanilla novanilla
Are you sure you want to try it at all? You don't seem too sure...

If you are, I would definitely follow indiglo's instructions of trying a finger and small toy first, especially if you are nervous.
spiced spiced
Lots of good suggestions so far!

I learned how to give anal from a girlfriend who taught me how to do it to her. Her method is as follows: one finger, two fingers, scissor the fingers--and finally, penis. I've used this method with great success.

As others have said, start with some good lube. All we had back then was KY, but there are many options now. Some prefer water-based lubes, others prefer silicone. A thicker lube is usually best. Use plenty of whatever you choose.

Start with one well-lubed finger, a pinkie if necessary. If inserting it makes you too tense, just rub the outside until you can insert it without tension. Your husband's tongue can also help you relax this way. Since he's the one who wants to try anal, I think you'll agree it's the least he can do!

Once you can fully insert one finger and still stay relaxed, wiggle it around and move it in and out. Once that's happy, add more lube and go for two fingers. It may take you days or even weeks to get the first finger (or maybe just minutes, depending on how well you can learn to relax), but the second finger should be a lot easier. Again, try wiggling and moving them back and forth. This will help you to relax and you'll begin to understand the tremendous pleasure potential of anal stimulation.

When you've got both fingers in to the second knuckle or so, scissor them back and forth. Keep scissoring and move them in and out. Go wider with your "scissors" and rotate 90° and back.

When you can stay fully relaxed with two fingers inserted and scissoring (especially if they're your husband's fingers), you should be ready for his penis. Apply more lube and also apply it to him. The easiest position for most folks to relax in is the side (spoon) position, so I'd recommend trying that first. You may find you relax easier on your back, or even on your stomach. Whatever position you choose, put your hand(s) on his thighs or hips so you can stop him if he goes too fast or deep. If it does hurt, have him withdraw, then wait 30-60 seconds for you to relax again. Never be afraid to add more lube. When he is able to fully insert his penis with no pain, you may be shocked to realize how good it feels.

If you take your time, you'll probably learn to love anal. My wife was very skeptical at first, but now it's one of her favorite things. Have fun!
SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
I second everything else that was said, but I would also add that you need to make sure your husband understands that you need time to acclimate. You can't just go at it the way you can with vaginal intercourse. I find it helpful if you do small in and out motions (in a little, out a little, in a little further, out a little, repeat). Go slowly, use lots of lubrication, stop if necessary, and also use clitoral stimulation simultaneously. That's very important.

If you are really nervous and want to try a toy first, I recommend starting with the small Njoy Pure Plug. Also, I would suggest using a silicone lubricant. They don't dry as fast as water-based lubes.
mjtheprincess mjtheprincess
You know what everyone has said is awesome! Let me just tell you that I was also once terrified of anal...and although I have had temperamental experiences with it, my anal orgasms have been some of the best I have ever had! I know it's scary, but if you go slow you might just find you absolutely love the sensation! Best of luck to you =D
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 10