Happy valley realistic - realistic dildo by Happy Valley - review by Owl Identified

Happy valley realistic

Realistic dildo by Happy Valley

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High *OH!* Silver!

The Happy Valley Realistic is a whole lot of man, packing 7 inches of ribbed, veiny goodness and pair of smooth, solid testicles in beautiful silver marbled silicone. A thick, pronounced head and the realistic contours of the shaft together provide nuanced sensations with every inch of penetration. Equipped with a hole for a vibrating bullet in the base, this life-like cock comes with everything and then a little more.
Wide bullet hole, body safe, easy to share, contoured for extra stimulation
Can be difficult to clean around the base and in the bullet hole, not compatible with all harnesses
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


The Happy Valley Realistic is an awesome dildo for both male and female bodied people with a taste for the life-like. A moderately girthy toy with an intuitive curve, this dildo is sure to find your P-spot, G-spot, U-spot, heck any spot you wanna hit, this puppy can probably do it for you. Its wide base and softly drooping testicles make anal penetration safe with no opportunity for this one to get accidentally drawn too far in. The balls on the Realistic also make for a great little anchor to hold on to when thrusting and provide a bit of cushion for partners on the receiving end. If you've ever engaged in hard and fast harness penetration with a dildo without a squishy base, you know that harnesses can start to cause chaffing in your bottoming partners. No such trouble here, however.

While this dildo is made of silicone, a more forgiving material than metal or glass, it is made from a pretty firm silicone. This toy also features some fairly raised contours. Together with the curve on the shaft, these factors have made penetration in certain positions a little much for myself, so if you are sensitive you should experiment before thrusting too hard. All in all, this is a really great dildo for G/P spotting and I have no trouble getting where I'm going with this ;)

Material / Texture

The Realistic is made from 100% non-porous, phthalate-free, body safe silicone. Being non-porous this toy can be safely shared between partners and can be used anally and vaginally alternately SO LONG AS the toy is thoroughly sterilized when going from anal to vaginal. Non-porous materials can only harbor bacteria on their surface, so after a good cleaning any microbes from previous uses should be completely gone (and not hiding in some little nook as with porous materials). Silicone doesn't have any distinct taste or odor, although after anal play sometimes scents can cling to the surface of a silicone toy temporarily. If this happens, simply leave your silicone in a dry, well-ventilated place for 24-48 hours and the smell should dissipate.

As I mentioned above, the silicone used in this toy is a firmer one so if you are a beginner (in terms of size) moving up toward intermediate level you may want to go for a softer toy such as The Tantus 02 Niagra which is roughly the same size but of a much plushier material. If you enjoy firm and moderately textured stimulation, however, this is definitely the toy for you. The ridges, which look rather mild in photograph, are actually much more noticeable due to the density of the silicone, so you really feel each rib and contour. I'm not sure if I would call the sensation of the Happy Valley Realistic, well, "realistic". The head is very beautifully sculpted and does get a lot of the details right, but again, how firm this toy is takes away from the realism. For you this may be a good or a bad thing; for me it's a plus because I prefer to think of my toys as just that --toys.

Design / Shape / Size

Besides being very thoughtfully designed in terms of sensation and stimulation, the Happy Valley Realistic is a very practical and user-friendly dildo. It sports a large and easy to grip base which is also fitted with a large, wide bullet hole on its back. The bullet hole is a little bit deeper than it needs to be, making it easier for the bullet to get lost in it, so you should be careful not to push it in completely. Also coating your bullet in a little water based lubricant before inserting it helps reduce friction and make removal much less of a pain.

The Realistic is about 7 inches long, about 6.5 of those being insertable, and at its widest point the shaft is a little less than 1.5 inches wide. I would consider this to be a good size for most intermediate users or beginners (in terms of size) that are looking to upgrade to a larger toy. This is not one of those discreet use-as-a-paper-weight dildos; it's big and looks very much like a dick. Storing and traveling with this in a low profile way takes some effort. If you live with prying little eyes you may consider investing in a toy chest to begin stowing these sorts of goodies in. I actually just use a big ol' locking tool box I got for a bargain at a Home Depot --whatever works!


I really love nearly everything about the way this toy performs EXCEPT that the base of it is NOT compatible with my harness! I have the ASLAN Leather Jaguar Harness which is an awesome harness that I've never had any trouble using with dildos without testicles. However, you'll see by checking out the product page (or my video) that the Jaguar holds the dildo in with an inverse triad of snaps: two opposite one another up top and one directly beneath the dildo (where the balls would hang). Of course, this doesn't mean that it is not compatible with EVERY harness, but many jock harnesses fasten in this way. If you own one such as the Latigo or SpareParts you may have better luck, but it's worth checking your set-up out before ordering if you plan on using this primarily for harness play.

Care and Maintenance

The Realistic is a fairly easy toy to care for although because it has some ridges you do have to pay closer attention to get all fluids out of these crevices when cleaning. Particularly around the base I have noticed build-up starts to happen if I'm not being careful, as well as in the ridges of the head. A toothbrush (dedicated specifically to this purpose, of course!) is good, I've found, for taking care of these areas, or even a wet Q-tip. Silicone is non-porous so it can be fully sterilized by wiping it down with a 10% bleach solution or by boiling it for 3-4 minutes in a pot of water. You should sterilize it when going from anal use to vaginal, or when between uses with partners that you are not fluid-bonded with. For solo use strictly in one hole at a time (to be blunt) or with partners that you are fluid-bonded with, scrubbing with antibacterial soap and warm water is sufficient. Periodic sterilization never hurts though, even in these situations :)

Silicone does tend to attract lint, dust and hair so I keep mine in a plastic Ziploc bag to keep it clean. Silicone can also "melt" or contort other soft materials such as jelly, TPR/TPE silicone, etc. For this reason you should not mingle your silicone and weaker soft materials --again, a little plastic baggie can go a long way in this situation. Silicone also "bonds" to silicone so it is best to use water or oil based lubricants with your silicone toy.


The Happy Valley Realistic comes in a simple plastic bag with virtually no instructions on it. The plastic bag can be re-used for storage but if you like a your storage to be a little more on the elegant side, Happy Valley doesn't really seem to do elegant storage. I actually kind of prefer the plastic bag; I end up putting all my silicone in baggies anyway so it saves me the trouble!

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Follow-up commentary
Originally I got this dildo quite frankly because I was completely enamored of the swirled, silver silicone. It was unlike anything else I had ever seen before and had to have it, even if it ended up being something I was less than in love with. To my delight this ended up being one of my favorite dildos for pegging and has stayed in heavy rotation for my partner and I.

I don't typically use it on myself because I find it slightly too stiff and pokey for myself and also because I have come to desire a tad bit more girth for G-spotting. However, it's in my top three for strap-on with my guy for those two reasons precisely. The rigidity of the Realistic makes anal entry very easy and it also targets his prostate wonderfully. His P-spot rests a bit further in and requires some more intense stimulation, so this is wonderful for him. This is also a great, moderate width for him that is filling without being uncomfortable. On an average day when we aren't looking to do any intense stretching this is one of our absolute favorites.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Do you like this review?
  • wildorchid
    Awesome review lady!
  • lilys
    great review
  • spineyogurt
    Thanks for the review
  • Aurora Borealis
    awesome review
  • mmike1900
    good review. this dildo looks like a great strapon piece
  • satinlady550
    good review
  • Rory
    Nice review! Thanks!!
  • tortilla
    thanks for the info
  • DTV88
    good review
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