This toy has a number of possible uses - practice for giving blow jobs, anal or vaginal use. On other review websites, some people have suggested using it as a douche or enema, but that might be a stretch. Likewise, the nubs at the base though incredibly pleasing against the clit may be uncomfortable for anal use.

Fill the bulb with water, lube, or the mix of your choice. Avoid using popular "artificial semen" recipes if you intend to use the toy vaginally or anally, since many of these concoctions can cause infections or irritation. Orally, you should be okay. A mix of lube and water should feel about right. Experiment to get the consistency you like, and use a water based lube (I recommend ID Glide).

I personally enjoy the sensation of the pump during masturbation, rather than at climax. Gently squeezing the bulb offers a new and intense sensation of liquid being pumped inside then being sucked out. Be careful to ensure the pressure is okay and you don't force air into your vagina or anus without giving it a place to escape. In rare instances, this can cause an aneurysm, which can kill you if it reaches your heart or lungs.

That said, it's extremely unusual, and if you're using the bulb with something in it, you should be fine. Just be gentle and conscious of not shooting air up your fanny so hard it has no other option than to kill you. Admittedly, with the bulb only being able to contain so much water (or air), this is incredibly unlikely, and it's equally unlikely to create an air tight seal in your orifice.

Though reported to be rubber on the website, the packaging on my toy said it was sil-a-gel, a much safer alternative to porous rubber. Sil-a-gel materials means this toy is antibacterial and far less likely to transmit infection. The packaging claims you can use it with silicone based lube, which is certainly exciting for those of us who like that sort of thing. That said, because of the nature of this toy in particular, I do NOT recommend sharing it or using it in multiple orifices. Despite the upgrade in material safety, the pump/suction feature makes it a lot sketchier when it comes to sharing or using it in different places.

The toy feels fantastic. It's soft, and has a bit of give to it, but it's firm where it needs to be, especially at the tip. It's nice and bendable, so for all you ladies out there who can't take its length (most of us?) it bends nicely to hit the clit with its soft nubs.

The size of the toy can be intimidating to start, but it's smooth and has lovely give to it, which makes it much easier to take than you might think. If you're concerned, warm up first with a smaller toy. The enlarged head makes this toy feel incredible against my g-spot. Coupled with the pumping sensation, it makes for a pretty rockin' good time.

The large head feels incredible against my g-spot. The nubs are soft but firm against my clit. The toy is flexible enough to bend and contort to whatever position I'd like to be in, and the tube is long enough so that I can reach the bulb easily no matter how I'm situated.

The toy looks like some absurd parody of a penis as designed by someone with only the vaguest description of what one looked like. Despite this, what looks good and what feels amazing can be two entirely different things. I think I might have a bit of a crush on this guy, despite his homely and often comical features. When he gets down to business, I take him very seriously.

Despite the low price tag and bizarre look of this toy, it works incredibly well. The pump is assembled securely. Though I did put a towel down to be safe, I haven't had any leaks (the pump also conveniently sucks things back in when you're ready to clean up - oh, is that gross? sorry).

The toy will leak if you hold it upside down, but only a little and in drips. This can feel pretty hot if you position it over yourself before insertion.

The one downside is that this toy looks preposterous. Should someone you wouldn't want to know about it find it, you'll have a lot of questions to answer. It's shocking, really, but arguably worth the risk.

This toy can be tricky to clean as a result of its many bits and pieces, but with a little time and consistent care, it will serve you well for many moons. Regardless of whether or not you let the toy "suck in" after you've pumped it, you MUST clean it thoroughly after use, as it will inevitably get some of your stuff inside of it.

To clean: hold the toy upside down and squeeze the bulb repeatedly to get most of the fluid out. Fill a cup with warm soapy water, and stick the tip in it and release the bulb so that it sucks the water inside, lift it up to suck in air so that the soapy water is sucked into the bulb. Shake the bulb to clean it, and repeat the entire process a few times. Rinse with clean water, and pat dry.

The toy is packaged simply in an easy to open plastic container like most of the Doc Johnson line. It happily announces that it's an all new Sil-a-Gel formula which is anti-bacterial, non-toxic, latex-free, cadmium free and odorless. While it certainly has a smell, the smell isn't overpowering or offensive (just smells like new toy!) and it dissipates pretty quickly over time.

The package rather humorously states that this toy is 8-inches long, and 1 size fits most. As mentioned above, the length shouldn't worry anyone, as the toy is bendy and when bent and rubbed against the clitoris achieves great dual stimulation.

The toy comes with a limited 30-day warranty, and encourages customers to sign up online at the Doc Johnson website.

I seriously think I'm developing a crush on this stupid toy. I stopped looking at porn and instead just look at it before taking my pants off. Is that absurd?