Pretty Pearl ain't so pretty

The Pretty Pearl G-spot Massager is a very weak, quiet g-spot toy with a bell-curved head and hourglass shape. This is my first g-spot toy, so I can't exactly comment on how effective the shape would be for others, but personally it missed my elusive g-spot altogether.

The vibrations for me are too weak to re-purpose as a clit stimulator, but someone who prefers weaker vibrations and knows this style of head works them will find it to their taste. The other reviews don't mention a troublesome seam, so it's more likely a manufacturing error.

The stock photos show the green Pearl as a bright, pastel minty green, but in actuality, it is more of a muted seafoam green. All the pictures were taken in natural light without flash.

The Pearl is made of firm hypo-allergenic, latex free, non-porous, phthalates-free TPR, which carries a safety rating of 7. TPR is often marketed as the poor man's silicone. It claims to be non-porous, but I would advise to use a condom if you are not sharing with your TESTED, fluid-bonded partner. You can use both silicone and water-based lubes with it and the material slicks up nicely, though in my experience, the glossy finish can cause the lube to bead up instead of spreading uniformly.

In theory, you could also used oil-based lube with this. However, due to the questionable "Is it porous or not?", I'd stick to water or silicone as oil can encourage bacterial growth.

The cap is some sort of firm plastic with a TPR covered push-down button.

It is surprisingly firm, not unlike the firmness of Tantus's more dense silicone. In comparison, the industry staple the Tantus Ryder butt plug has a little more give and flexibility. The only place this slightly bends is at the thinnest point, making it nice for those who like a firm but not rigid g-spot toy. However, after prolonged amount of use, you can see the material buckle and wave if excessive pressure (which I love) is applied.

BY ALMIGHTY CTHULHU, ZEUS, AND THE VIRGIN MARY, THE SEAM. There is a very pronounced seam, especially on the head of the toy where the material came rippled and raised. Needless to say when my too-excited partner inserted it inside, that didn't feel too pleasant. I'm inclined to believe this is a manufacturer's defect, but that doesn't exactly endear me to Pipedream either.

As always, I avoid jelly like the plague and it is nice to see a very affordable, sort-of beginner toy like this use a body-safe material. Remember what your mama told ya--if you don't know what it is, don't put it in your mouth (or various orifices).

There was no taste or even a smell upon opening.

The official specs are 8 inches long with 6 3/4 inches insertable, though I suppose the more determined individual could shove it all the way in (if your cervix would appreciate being poked like that). It is 1 3/8 at the widest point.



Due to the bell curve, it feels girthier than I would've thought. Size queens should look elsewhere, but the firmness of the material and scoop of the head are more filling than the images suggest.




I'm beginning to personally think my g-spot is somewhat like Area 51--something's there, but I have no idea what. My partner's determined fingers, the Pearl, and another few or so toys like this have yet to get past the Vagina Feds. I can't really comment on how effective the bell shaped head is for others, but it totally missed the elusive g-spot for me.

It seems the universally loved G-spot Toy Gods like the Pure Wand and Seduction are a pretty penny, so I'd definitely recommend picking up a cheap toy or two such as this for g-spotting and get to know your body before investing in a toy that may not work for you.

This vibrator runs on two AAAs, so it is on the weaker end of the spectrum. If you prefer weak vibrations due to sensitivity or would use this rather as a dildo, it's certainly workable. There's no denying I'm personally a power queen and my first reaction when I inserted was, "That's it?"

There are three settings which you cycle through by pressing down a button on the bottom.

There is no master on/off button and you have to cycle through them all to turn it off. You have to press down on the button very hard, which I can be frustrating when you're fumbling to adjust the settings in the heat of the moment.

The three levels:

1. A very low buzzy, surface vibration which I can barely feel on my hands.

2. A slightly more powerful, deeper vibration which I can feel on my hands, but tends to get lost when the toy is internally inserted and I'm clenching down it.

3. A hum that can be felt on the hands and internally, but the vibrations don't transfer all that well through the material. You can feel the toy vibrating inside you, but very weakly the vaginal canals around the toy.

I used this both with rechargeables and throwaway batteries and noticed no variance in power.

As a plus, this toy is whisper quiet on every setting. If you require not moderate to strong vibrations and need a silent toy, this definitely something to look into.

As for being waterproof, the O-ring is incredibly tiny and looks eerily similar to a toy died on me in the water before.


I took into the shower with no issues, but when I tried submerging it into a bowl of water (I live in a university dorm and have no access to a tub), there was visible condensation in the battery case. I'd deem this safe for shower usage, but I wouldn't go for complete submersion. Nothing ruins a session like your toy sparking out on you.

TPR is easy to clean; just use mild soap and water. I'd advise aganist using a bleach solution or alcohol for fear of damaging the material. While TPR is awesome for having textures ranging from jelly to firm silicone, silicone it ain't.

I unfortunately don't have the packaging on hand anymore to take a picture of, but it came in your standard blister pack inserted in a plastic sleeve with basic cleaning and care instructions. There was a peek-a-boo window and the name on the front, so not exactly discrete. Also, it's probably not the best for storage due to the excess bulk.

With the amount of sex toys available, these so-called "entry level" toys are not and should not be synonymous with questionable quality. Shop around, read your reviews, and you can easily find an awesome, user-friendly toy suited for your needs without breaking the bank.

Big thanks to my mentor, Adriana Ravenlust, for editing.

As always, any and all feedback is more than welcome and appreciated.