Fleshlight girls Jenna Haze lotus - masturbator by Fleshlight - review by Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)

Fleshlight is probably the most famous name in male masturbation products; with a well deserved reputation based on a product that simply knocks the socks off everything else out there.

I sound like I'm writing advertising copy for them, don't I?

Well, the truth is that I've been intimate with an awful lot of masturbation products - I'm kind of a slut for Cyberskin... and silicone... and thermoplastic elastomer - and the fact is that most of them are deficient in at least one area - often more than one. The vast majority, for example, are too short and the head of your cock 'pops out' on the 'in stroke.' Others are difficult to grip, or made from hard material that feels about as much like a vagina as fucking a shampoo bottle. Finally, some are pretty expensive 'one use' products and even if you're a cheap old Scot like me, they really are for 'one use' only (and fall apart into foul-smelling bits if you try to wash them. It's a nasty, horrible, sordid story and I don't want to go into it.)

Anyway. The Fleshlight is different. It's got a hard, rigid shell which means it's easy to grip and you can use it in a variety of ways (I like to shove it between the mattress and box-spring, while I read that Epiphora's boyfriend puts it in a shoe.)

It's about ten inches 'deep' which means that even John Holmes's resurrected zombie did would be comfortably housed in there. Lastly, and most importantly, it's made from an incredible flesh-like material that feels almost - like, seriously almost - the 'real thing.'

In short, it's the most revolutionary sex toy for men ever - and the Jenna Haze Lotus edition lives up to everything good I've written about Fleshlight.

The Jenna Haze Fleshlight differs from other models by having a slightly more flesh-like hue to the Superskin lining - which really doesn't do anything for me, as it's not likely to make it any less apparent that you're fucking a flashlight - but is a nice touch.

In other respects, though, it has all the advantages of the classic Fleshlight - a soft, succulent Superskin lining that feels as tight and taut as the real thing - and a hard, rigid shell that allows you to have your wicked way with the Fleshlight in a variety of innovative ways.

What makes the Jenna Haze Lotus Fleshlight different from other Fleshlights is that the succulent lining was molded after simply stunning Porn Star Jenna Haze (one of my personal favorites.) This inviting mold is paired with the 'Lotus' lining, which is one of many different 'sensations' you can have in your Fleshlight. The Lotus lining features five (for want of a better term) sphincters lined up inside, which gives a very pleasurable sensation when you're balls deep inside it.

The hard outer shell resembles a flashlight, so it's fairly discreet as long as nobody wandering through your house grabs it when the light blows in the basement... ("Uh, honey? I think there's something wrong with your flashlight...")

The hard shell does mean it's ridiculously easy to store, even if you haven't had a chance to clean it (ewww!) and there have been a couple of business trips in which I flung it in my suitcase to keep me entertained when I was away from my wife.

The major advantage of the Fleshlight is that you can turn the 'knob' at the end and adjust the suction, giving a slew of different sensations when you use it. Tighten the knob and create a hot, sucking vacuum (kind of reminiscent of anal sex) or loosen it for the soft, succulent sensation of vaginal sex.

You can disassemble the Fleshlight in much the same way an over-compensating gun freak disassembles his handgun - it breaks into three rigid shell parts (the lid, casing and knob) and the floppy Superskin lining.

The Superskin is what makes the Fleshlight such an amazing sex toy, but it does have a few disadvantages. For a start, it's a fairly fragile substance, so you can't use silicone lube, mineral oil or even soap and water on it. The only way to clean it is to flush water through it after use (which probably means it's not suitable for sharing - although if you're sharing your Fleshlight with another guy I think it's fair to wonder if you have boundary issues.)

Secondly, after cleaning it becomes as clingy and sticky as my first girlfriend. To ditch her, I had to move to France - but fortunately you can dust the lining with corn starch (not talc) to restore it's stunning flesh-like sensation. The disadvantage of this is that you're bound to get powder everywhere and then your wife will burst into the bathroom and scream 'What the hell is going on? It looks like a scene from Scarface in here!' and you will be coughing and hacking a lungful of corn starch and won't be able to come up with a suitably scathing reply.

The Jenna Haze Fleshlight comes in a BEAUTIFUL tin, emblazoned with a stylish label and instructions. The tin doubles as a jar to store dried spaghetti, but for some reason people might be reticent about eating it if you leave the 'Jenna Haze' label on it.