Mermaid masturbator - sex toy by Cal Exotics - review by High Eff

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There's something a bit fishy about this

Although this little lady does prove to get the job awfully well done, she put up too much of a fight for me to now have a very favorable opinion toward her. If you are the next one to order her, be prepared to wrestle.
Very tight, and stays tight! Internal ribs procure intense sensation.
Too tight; need to rip your way inside. Evasive. Not long enough for the average guy.
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review
I’ve had my eyes set on this toy for a couple weeks, and it was only recently that I granted myself a little treat by buying it. Patiently, I have waited for this little lady of the sea to flop into my mailbox with glee, and finally she did after three days. At first, I was quite thrilled: the box was quite a big thing! Finally a sleeve that would be of a decent size, I told myself.

But heck, was this thing deceptive from the very beginning...

First of all, as mentioned, the size of the box compared to the size of the toy itself. More or less a two to one ratio (both in length and width), I’d say, which didn’t make a very good first impression. The toy itself was, at first, looking kind of attractive, cute, and surely inviting as the box states: it looked to be very, very tight, as the reviews previous to mine have claimed it to be. Maybe a little bit... too tight, considering I could not even fit my forefinger into the “main entrance,” to call it thus. I kid you not. There even was some kind of a thin membrane sealing the opening, which had to be ripped open to allow passage.

Conceptual? Maybe, I wouldn’t know. The item description never mentioned this mermaid to be a maiden.

She sure did put up a hearty fight like one, and was as tight as one, however. The front opening being too tight, I had to pour in the lube through the other opening, and in great quantity and over multiple times, when she just would not let me in. And even when my dick was practically as slippery as an eel (trust me, lads, you’ll need to apply it on both you and the toy for the first few times), I had to FORCE my way inside after some five minutes (I presume it was five minutes, although it felt much longer than that) of intense struggling which removed a lot of the ultimate satisfaction this toy should procure. I practically had to rip both myself and the toy apart, to do that. And not only that, but even when I was inside the thing would put up a fight, by hugging my length so tightly that it was just coming off on its own like a bar of soap, if I wasn’t holding it still and carefully!

...Nonetheless, I have to admit that the sensations while inside the thing were quite exceptional. It is (need I mention it again?) very, very tight. And though it obviously loosens up after multiple uses—thankfully allowing a slightly easier access to the blue depths—it remains quite painfully yet oh, so pleasantly tight. The inside of the toy is layered with tens if not hundreds of tiny ribs on all its length, which procures quite the heavenly and erotic massage that can hardly be compared to anything else. The sensation may prove to be a bit too intense to some, however, if you keep the head of your length within the recesses of the “mermaid” and content yourself with short strokes (I challenge you to remain quiet). Me? I could barely handle it. It was as if I had caught fire.

The short length of the thing may therefore be a savior for those who prefer to enjoy a long ride. Given one is above average, even if just slightly, the head of the penis will poke out through the other end... much to my frustration. Just an inch more! Not too much to ask, is it?

As for cleaning it, it was relatively an easy thing to do, thankfully. The thing being so rebellious during play time, I was afraid it'd also be a pain to clean it up. Thankfully, it wasn't: just pour a little bit of soap into the rear opening of the sleeve and rinse it out with warm water, scrubbing around with your finger inside. Don't worry about stretching and loosening it, that way: it allows you to witness how tightly the thing clenches you, and how tight it remains. Turning it inside out is out of the question.

All in all, although this little lady does prove to get the job awfully well done, she put up too much of a fight for the first few times for me to now have a very favorable opinion toward her. If you are the next one to order her, be prepared.
Follow-up commentary
It has been two months since the little blue lady came in through the mailbox, and even though we had pretty rough beginnings, I believe she eventually warmed up to me. Still, that does not mean she lost any of her vigorous temper! Little has changed: the toy still does put up a fight every time I try to make my way inside, but now it is much more... playful, if I can say so, rather than pure wrestling. Still, if you're not careful, she's still going to try and slip and squeeze away. The tens or ribs still work wonders, even more now, I think, that they've grown accustomed to my presence. And, 'lo and behold, after all this time, it is still as tight as ever!

After two months, I find myself forced to raise the overall rating of this toy from three stars to four, one point shy of perfection due to the rough first impression and the short length. Thanks to its relatively cheap price, I'm telling you: go for it.
This product was provided at a discounted price in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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  • Victoria
    Thanks for such a thorough review. One thing: did you clean the sleeve afterward? and if so, was it easy / difficult? Just curious about your overall experience. Thanks!
  • High Eff
    @In the Pink: Augh, damn! I can't believe I didn't point that out...

    Well, yes, it was relatively easy to clean. Pour in a bit of soft soap in the rear opening of the sleeve, and just scrub around with a finger and warm water. Turning it inside out is just out of the question, unless one wishes to wear it down too quickly. It also allows, interestingly, to better witness how tight the toy is / remains.
  • Bulma
    Nicely written review :)
    When you say it is too short for those average in length, I am left wondering about an inch measurement. When people say "average I automatically assume 5-6 inches for length, what would be the inches in length where it becomes too short?
    Thanks :)
  • Epiphora
    Very well written review.
  • High Eff
    @Bulma: I do not really know if I understand your question well, but, I've always assumed that average was 5'', or 6'' for some who prefer to interpret it another way. A toy too short for the average man, I presume, would be anything that has an "fills-up-to length" below 5''½ (and even then, personally, I'd keep ranting for I'm an inch longer than that). Hope that somehow helps. :o

    @Epiphora (& Bulma too!): Thanks. :)
  • Miss Jane
    LOVE the review. Very well written and informative.
  • High Eff
    @Miss Jane: Thanks!
  • Victoria
    Excellent follow up - I'm glad the two of you are working out your differences Winking
  • EffinSara
    When I read this review, I imagined it being spoken in the voice of a pirate or seasoned sailor. It definitely added entertainment value to an already well written review.
  • Pandahb
    Great review!
  • catalunalilith
  • Top Living In A Lie
    thanks for review!
  • Allstars316
    Thanks for the review!
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