Fetish - book discontinued by DK ADULT - review by P'Gell

Fantastic rubber cover. The word “Fetish” is inset in silver on the flat jet black rubbery cover.

One of the good things about the book is, obvious as soon as one holds the tome, it appearance. You really can’t tell a book by it’s kinky rubber cover, however.

The book covers, in eight parts and 142 very short sections, everything from A Brief History of Fetishism, Fetish Terminology, Scenarios and Role Play, Sexual Practices everything, in great brevity from Bondage Play, to Spanking to Orgasm Denial and Teasing to something called Looners and Inflatables. Also, slave contracts, Fetish Gear, (the half page on sex toys is woefully inadequate) Fetish Dictionary, which is quite good, Setting the Scene, and a very limited Resource Guide. It also has a few pages on “How to be a good sub” (awful, as he doesn’t discriminate between sub and slave and seems to think subs are not entitled to any pleasure in any way as in his edict “expect nothing in return”) and “How to be a good Dom” which is only marginally better, but at least addresses the need to be empathetic.

Some of Mr. Bramwell’s definitions and uses of words are limited and often naïve. I began to get the feeling of someone who was an outsider to the world of kink looking in, obtaining enough information to write a book which was a quick overview, without really getting to the meat of the subject or interviewing many real people who actually live the many lifestyles of the Kinky and/or Fetishistic.

Also, an other issue is that in many of the pages on “BDSM” situations, ‘Sub’ or ‘Submissive’ is used, likewise, completely interchangeably with ‘slave.’ As most in the BDSM lifestyles know, most (all) slaves are subs, but not all subs are slaves. The author does not make the distinction.

An other glaring omission is a complete lack of discussion on Aftercare. Those again, who are involved in Alternate lifestyles or play know the importance of Aftercare and bonding between the Dom(me) and the Sub. Mr. Bramwell seems to give the impression that all or most kink scenes take place in clubs or professional dungeons, and the players are only there, choosing partners nearly at random, for the “fetish” and the thrill of changing partners. The relationships, many times long term and often monogamous or nearly monogamous, and often loving and dedicated, that many players engage in are nowhere to be found in the book.

I felt an entire, and in my opinion, the most important reason to engage in BD, D/S etc was left untouched and ignored. He talks about slave contracts, but this is the closest he gets to the most often very close, loving, mutually respectful and loving relationships most people who recognize and live the Power Dynamic in their relationship adhere to. This saddened me and I began to think perhaps he had his own agenda, which had little to do with the desire and need to engage in very intense sensation and how it can ignite and benefit, feed and nurture a relationship. I also began to feel that sometimes the author not only didn’t understand Power Dynamic relationships, but at times was laughing at the players, not with them.

My suspicion was borne out later.

The photos, although fairly well taken and printed on good quality glossy paper, seemed, after reading the entire book, to have been taken of only a few people, in only a few same costumes. Also, there were only two or three men photographed and two were fair looking and one was not attractive at all. At the risk of sounding shallow, the women in the book were fairly good looking, and I like to look at good looking men (especially in kink situations) as much as any hetero male reader(author) would like to see good looking women. The drawings were often silly and almost mocking of some kink practices, and this, along with the author’s predilection for silly jokes at inopportune times, made me think he really wasn’t taking this subject seriously and perhaps didn’t understand the reasons people engaged in such lifestyles.

Which brings me to my next point and one of the most glaring omissions; The GLBT community and gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered people were hardly mentioned at all. As many of the gay and lesbian and drag scenes, as well as butch leather bars fairly set the stage for much of what we see as “Kink Fashion” in our post modern age, as well as opening the minds of many to Kink, I found this omission of importance and almost a slap in the face to the gay community.

I can say that the book was not all bad. Some of the text was accurate, the terminology pages were good, and the chapter on “unusual fetishes” was interesting and enlightening. (I had no idea that some people eroticize mannequins or acting like mannequins in sexual situations. It’s called Algamatophilism.)

Writing a book on Kink is a huge undertaking, and DK, if they wanted to take this on should have engaged a committee of editors, as they do for most of their books.

This book is almost written for the outsider looking in, to say, “Oh my god, look what those people do to themselves.” And it appears to have been written by an outsider who has said the same thing to himself.

With one exception. Evidently, Mr. Bramwell has a fetish of his own about Dominant Women. This is not a bad on it’s own by any stretch of the imagination. Fem Dommes are one of the icons of Kink. They are one of the cornerstones of BDSM, D/S and M/s play and nearly everyone seems to identify at least in part with the Mistress in leather, with large breasts, stiletto heels and industrial fishnet stockings, wielding a whip, while a male sub grovels at her leather clad feet.

But, the book focuses often almost exclusively on Fem Dom as the essence of “Fetish.” In 46 photographs and drawings 33 of them were of Female Dominant/Male Submissive postures. The author talks excessively about the Dominant Female, almost to the exclusion of other "Fetishes" in most of the text.

This, in essence, is what “fetish” seems to mean to the author, and while it certainly has merit, the work could have been more inclusive and less one sided. A little less joking would have been appropriate, also. He jokes if one gets hurt during a bondage scene; “if you’ve got yourself so trussed up so you can’t speak a word or move a muscle you’ve only got yourself to blame.”

This book might be an interesting curiosity to the library of one who has a large variety of erotica and sexual manuals at hand and for one who knows the score and can sort out the author’s evident bias from what is lacking in this daunting project, which could have been better executed.

I am glad I have the book. The rubber like cover does cover a multitude of sins of omission. It would look good on the book shelf in my personal library or maybe on a coffee table at a cocktail party, and some of the “fetishes” briefly mentioned were interesting to look through. But, don’t expect this book to really be an introduction to BDSM, D/S and M/s lifestyles or expect an unbiased or balanced view of the world of kink.

Those who want more than a curiosity to round out an already well appointed kink library collection or who really want a helpful book to introduce them to the world of variations of sex may want to look elsewhere.

I do still really like the rubber cover. *sigh*

As fun as this book looks, its inaccuracies and many holes in its information are too glaring for me to use it often.

I still love the rubber like cover, great marketing idea. But, the inside information is still a bit biased and often lacking in research based facts.

Aside from the Fetish Terminology section, I still feel the author was an outsider looking in, sparsely, at the world of Kink. I also still feel he doesn't understand Power Dynamics, nor the actual reasons people engage in Kink lifestyles and situations.

Of course, the fact that he often trivializes and even mocks some forms of kink, lack of safety and after care information, while completely ignoring the GLBT community is a glaring problem that can't be solved with a rubber book cover.

A better book needs to be written, in updated language and non-judgmental style by someone involved in the BDSM/Kink community and lifestyle.

This book may also help to foster some stereotypes about this lifestyle and that type of attitude has no place in a book about this subject, nor about any sexual subject for that matter.