Front cover with dustjacket removed.

Oh, Cosmopolitan. Notorious amongst women, from teens to the 40-somethings, for their women's magazine. It is written by women, for women. Cosmo is famous for its celebrity gossip, "embarrassing moments" stories, fashion spreads, and sex tips. Amidst all the fluffy patented Cosmo lingo and the sometimes strange sex tips, lie a few good words of advice. If you're new to the 'love game' you may find this a good read. The more experienced will want to move along. The content in this sex guide, along with the tweeny-bopper language, is better suited for teen girls.

Ten years ago this book would've been an absolute gem for someone like me. There's so much mystery to sex when you're just starting out, and a book full of tips like this would've made me feel better prepared, and certainly more confident in the bedroom. Nothing too flowery or kinky is included, but for heterosexual, vanilla couples, or fairly virginal teen girls, this could be a pretty comprehensive guide. Just remember that, as with most advice, this should be taken with a grain of salt.

The book details just about everything the teenaged girl could ask about the basics of the horizontal hokey pokey - from preparing yourself mentally and physically for sex (daily exercise boosts your sexual appetite, splash on some perfume in some sexy spots, tell yourself you're beautiful) to foreplay, to a handful of sexual positions, to post-play and cuddling.



There is a section on the menstrual cycle and how it affects your sexual appetite. The book outlines tips on giving a good blow job, and even includes a few guides that show you how to subtly alert your 'guy' to your needs.


Girl talk, for boys.


Some helpful hints from Cosmo.

To outline a few good tips, Cosmo's 'Red-Hot' guide details safe sex tips, proper condom usage, and the pros and cons of making a sex tape with your guy (what if that 'hunk' puts it on the interwebs!?), sensual massage, how to find the G-spot, an overview of sex toys, kegel exercises, and a couple yoga poses. Some 'Super Private Sex Questions' are answered in the 'embarrassing moments' section. Queefs are covered, so is squirting. And Cosmo even goes into prostate play, which is so kinky of them. Ever wanted to know how to deal with a lover whose member is too small? Too big? Cosmo's got you covered with tips and tricks for that, too.


Some sexual positions detailed, with illustrations.

What did not impress me about this book, however (despite the vanilla tips, which I was prepared for, as Cosmo is rather conservative despite being 'out' as a sex mag), was some of its absolutely goofy sex tips. Using a doughnut as a cock ring and eating it off your boyfriend's dick, for example. Placing ice in your mouth and giving him head, for another. The section on decoding dreams was pretty out there, as well, but some girls may be into that.


Use 'lusty language' to let your crush know you're horned up.

Many of the tips seemed simple instinct or common sense, such as touching him on the arm or shoulder to show you're interested, cleaning your room up before having him over, and pulling him closer for kisses during missionary sex.

Some tips seemed pretty silly, such as the detailed guide on how to dress and wear makeup to attract a mate. This is Cosmo really doing what it does best--selling clothes and makeup, but it's not really necessary for real sensual experiences. In fact, it can get in the way. Superficial sex is never the best sex.

Some of the male models look incredibly over-groomed, and one is wearing too much makeup.


Is your crush wearing lip gloss?

And the kicker was the 'Guys Uncensored' sections. Cosmo claims to have asked 'men on the street' these top-secret questions, which came across as suspiciously staged. It seems Cosmo had taken their own tips, added words they thought 'dudes' would use, put them in quotation marks, and created some pretty goofy names to tag at the end of them.



Case in point: "Squeeze my biceps and triceps while we're doing it missionary style. It makes me feel like a strong macho man." -Tyson

"Spooning has a tame rep, but it's so hot. I can get really deep, play with my girl's breasts, and feel her backside buck against my hips. It's total body pleasure." -Benedict

Really? Do you know guys who talk like Cosmo writers? I sure as hell don't.

"While I'm on top, lift yourself up a bit and gently bite my nipple or lick my neck. It lets me know you're into things and having fun." -Harry

"Gasp or moan heavily when I enter you. It makes me feel really big, and that's such a turn on for me." - Al

Need I say more?

The cover of the book is minimal, and certainly not discreet, but I appreciate it. The lay out of the book is reminiscent of Cosmo magazines. It's very professionally done. The eye is kept moving about with bright colors, professional photos, and little blurbs and tips tucked into each and every corner. There's really a lot of content here, even if some of it is pretty silly.

A pretty large size, this feels more like a coffee table book at around 10" x 10". The binding is solid on all 240 pages. The hardcover is sturdy and appears it will last quite some time.

As I said, as a teen this would've been an absolute gold mine of information for me, the Holy Grail on the trail of sexual exploration. There's just so much information here! I still get turned on reading about some of these explicit sexual instructions. It's just that I've graduated past them in the bedroom. I've been doing this too long, I guess. Now, if you threw a book o' kink at me, I'd be back to square 1 (or 1.5) again. Where's that book at, anyhow?