Dick in a Box?

This kit is designed as a get-away collection -- you know, everything you could possibly need on a romantic vacation or staycation.

Here's what you get (in order of worst to best):

--Fake rose petals. Enough already with the cheesy romance crap!

--A really junky looking, one-time use, pink vibrating jelly cock ring that doesn't do much of anything.

--A single latex lubricated condom by Paradise. (Really? Just one? What kind of romantic getaway is that?)

--A deck of love voucher cards by Evolved. If you'd read any of my reviews, you know how I feel about cards. Ack. These are fine if you're into the card thing, but there are typos and the things to do aren't that original.

--A heart-shaped love stinger. Which is for.... something. I'm missing something, though, because I own a fair amount of floggers and paddles and I have no idea how to use this. The boy did something where he hooked it on his fingers and sling-shotted it at me, but that just hurt my hand (and not in the good way). So, maybe it's awesome and I just need instructions to figure it out? Or maybe it's the stupidest thing ever. I'm not sure.

--A vagazzle. Vajazzle? Whatever. Butterfly shaped jewels. Need I say more?

--A set of Love Dice (also from Evolved) with acts and body parts on them. They're right up there (down there?) with card decks for me. But if you like dice, these are nice ones.

--Two battery-operated flicker candles. Totally cheesy without some kind of holder, is my thought.

--Two one-ounce bottles of lube from JO. The watermelon one is cloying (tastes almost exactly like watermelon bubble gum), the other is plain and simple water-based.

--The list says silk ties and blindfolds, but my kit only had two silk strips. If they mean to use one of those as blindfolds, it doesn't work (fabric's too thin to blog anything and if you fold it, it's not wide enough to cover your eyes). I thought the strips looked cheap, but they actually held up pretty well, with a minimum of fraying.

--Seduction Holiday vibrator by Evolved. This is my favorite part of the kit, and is something that I might have bought on my own, if I'd known I would like it so much. It's a lovely red, waterproof, with three decent speeds, just over 7" long and has a super velvety feel. It has now become my second-favorite clit vibrator. If you're going to buy something separately out of this collection, this vibrator is the one I'd recommend. (And you can buy it for just $30 here.)

If someone gave me this as a gift, I'd be disappointed. But only because it meant they didn't know me very well. It's not that the contents are bad or poorly made, it's just that they're not my taste, for the most part. There's nothing in this case that you haven't already seen at least once (except, if you're lucky, perhaps the vajazzle jewels). All of the items are about what you'd expect them to be in terms of quality and feel.

A quick run down:

Cheesy and/or Cheap: Vajazzle, candles, rose petals, cock ring, stinger

Decent enough: Lube, cards, dice, condom, silk ties.

Awesome: Vibrator (did I mention that I really liked this vibrator?)

I'm going to talk about the box itself here, since this is a kit. It's not super great or super ick. The box is actually fairly pretty -- I'll probably keep it around to store things in -- but it's also kind of hot pink/flowery, which isn't really my taste, so it will end up storing things in a drawer. It would be okay for travel, except that the metal would set off every metal detector and that it's fairly bulky for what's inside. But overall, it's not a bad package.

Again, I'll review this as an overall kit. I think that the wide range of options -- flower petals to a 'stinger' to a vibrator is nice, but in truth most of them won't get used. It would be nicer to have a kit that's more specific, maybe. A get-ready-for-romance kit with lotion/vajazzler/lube, etc. Or a make-the-room-ready kit with candles, rose petals, etc. Or a make-the-man ready kit with a cock ring, penazzler (yeah, look it up if you don't believe me...). Overall, it seems like there's too much attempt to reach everyone, and a lot of the objects fall short because of it (especially, the reach toward the BDSM peeps -- if anyone can figure out how to use the heart stinger, please let me know! I'm going to wear it as a ring, I think, until I figure it out!).

I think this kit would work best for the young and romantic, for those with a fairly traditional idea of romance or for those who want to try a whole bunch of new things and need a little guidance to get there.

If you leave the holders in, everything (except the silk strips) fits easily back into the box. Then you just close the lid and store it. Of course, most of the things are one-time or couple-time use, so the box is going to get more and more empty over time. Or you could just take the holders out, and use it to store other things.

Things that are one-time or few-time use: Petals, condom, lube, cock ring.

Things that probably don't need to be washed: Silk strips, dice, cards, stinger, candles.

Things that need to be washed: Vibrator. Soap and water is fine.