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The Bloggess: (Don’t) make your own sex toys

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Wow. Just…wow.

  Family craft night

Let me just clarify here that this is a real, serious book, y’all. That you can buy.

And it’s all about how to use your bad-ass crochet/hot-glue skills to make stuff like home-made gimp masks and “strap-on salamis”.

Or? Carving a penis out of another penis you aren’t using. I don’t know. It’s hard to tell exactly what’s going on in that picture.

Unlike this picture, which is violently clear:

Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s Jesus. The actual picture from the book has full frontal nudity but I added the rooster because I’m pretty sure that you go to hell for posting a picture of naked Jesus on the internet this close to Christmas, even if you are only posting it to say “No. Don’t do this.” Also, worth noting: Jesus was circumcised. Apparently.

I’d spend more time discussing this book here but (thank God) a few customers already spent time testing these projects and reviewing them for me. Which is awesome because I can just share their reviews with you and spend this extra time scratching my eyes out with a pen and never looking at hot glue guns the same way again.

Want to buy the book? No. No, you don’t.


One of my friends knows EXACTLY how to make his own sex toy Smile


Rodney Lacroix  

Had I known this before I'd attempted the inflatable doll, the whole 'biodegradable styrofoam container' incident could have been completely avoided. It's taken YEARS for that skin to grow back.

Bridget Pilloud  

I am crying now. Crying with laughter at the nice tips the reviewers left.

Since Jesus could make live birds out of clay, he wouldn't really need to buy this book would he? Maybe he could get royalties, though.

Valerie Fore  

When I was about 19 or 20, I worked in the mall with a group of guys that I became close friends with. One night, I had them over to play Texas Hold 'em. They arrived one or two at a time and each time someone turned up, they felt the need to ask if I used sticks of butter or a tub. when I told them I used sticks, they all nodded and dropped the subject. After the fifth person asked me that, I demanded to know what was going on. It seemed that one of the guys had a tendency to... uh... "love" himself with the tub of butter, and then put it back in the fridge.

I think he may have written this book.


That's one big cock - but as roosters go, it is on the small size.


Of course Jesus was circumcised. He was Jewish. Smile


Of course Jesus was circumcised. He was Jewish. Smile


I haven't last so hard in a ling time! That last customer comment? Cracked me UP!


You can make sex toy dildos from condoms. Like, if you stuff fabric in one, or sand, or rocks or whatever. But it's weird. It doesn't work. I looked it up on the internet, because toys are so expensive, but it's totally worth it to just buy a good dildo with your savings.




Ahahahahahhaha whyyyy


Christ fetish here. Remove that rooster! (I kid I kid)




Oh my Morgan Freeman, I REALLY REALLY hope the last reviewer of this book does NOT have a pet. It is wrong to try your new homemade toys on poor little sparky to make sure they are safe for your own use. Animal Abuse. I'm contacting pita, Save Sparky!



Discussion Last Post Category
Have you ever made your own sex toy? [65] Apr.26, 2018

Interviews with The Bloggess

  • Most people know Jenny as The Bloggess, a prolific writer with a sense of humor and style that many are scrambling to imitate. How does a woman who hides in the bathroom at most blogger conferences and muses on clown porn get to be an online sensation?

    Jenny is a columnist, blogger, mom and comedian. Her personal blog, [|], is extremely popular and has developed a cult following, according to Marie Claire Magazine. She’s been a regular contributor to the online Houston Chronicle since 2006 and also writes a popular advice column for PNN and a satirical sex column for [|SexIs Magazine]. Jenny has been the keynote speaker at major conferences, as well as featured on countless sites including and MSNBC; and Gawker once referred to her as an "interesting psycho". She prefers the term "creative visionary". Jenny suggests you ask her about how she gets her hair so shiny, or what’s wrong with her. But we know that’s a wig, and there’s nothing wrong with Jenny – she created a pitch perfect style that grabs readers, and keeps them. Whether inadvertently mobilizing the Bloggess Army, going to [|Japan] on a sex culture / geisha mission of sorts, interviewing [|porn stars], giving sex advice, or relating the hilarious arguments she has with [|her husband], The Bloggess has us hooked. Join us in learning more about this unpredictable funny lady.

     Read full interview

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