Humor » Dick jokes; Sex » Tips; Shopping » Condoms: "Cock Teases"

EdenFantasys Store

Cock Teases

  • Print
  • E-mail
Novelty condoms put the funny back in fucking. Just be mentally prepared for that initial burst of laughter when you climb into bed with your blueberry-scented schlong.

  Popsicle Dicks

Katy Perry makes a number of good points regarding the merits of West Coast women in her popular California Gurls song, one of which is the idea that their sun-kissed skin is hot enough to melt my popsicle. I’m sure the sexual overtone is intended; I’m not sure why I would want anybody— hot or not— to actually melt my popsicle. Innuendo aside, popsicles are kinda tantalizing.

condom ad“They’re certainly the right shape, and basically the right size,” says Susan. “The cold can be fun for a while, too – especially crunching a little up and then giving a flavored blowjob … but once they start to melt … well, it sort of interrupts things to run what’s left to a sink.”

Problem solved thanks to the Durex line of tropical condoms, which allows men everywhere (West Coast, East Coast, the Dirty South, Norway, wherever) to replicate the flavors and colors of their favorite popsicles right between their legs without all the messy melting problems. I picked up a pack of three and got orange, strawberry, and banana, and I have to say that I was very impressed with the various aromas, not to mention the vibrant colors (If you’re trying for an au naturel look, a neon orange or red rubber is not the route you want to take.) The banana smelled like every other manufactured banana flavoring you’ve ever experienced in your life, but the orange and strawberry were actually quite tempting.

“I don’t have any hesitation going south of the border, but I have to say that the orange scent really had me not wanting to waste any time getting there,” Susan says. “And aside from the latex texture, it actually tasted pretty good. So I got to at least start my flavored blowjob …”

She didn’t get to finish, though, because as soon as I glanced down, I started laughing.

“What?” Susan said.

“You mean besides the fact that that orange condom makes my dick look like the beginnings of some clown’s wiener dog balloon animal?”

Another good point.

  Pimp My Condom

Don’t worry, once the laughter subsided, both of the above situations ended, well, happily. Still, I decided there had to be a way to mix in a few laughs with the sex without breaking up the general flow of things. To my delight, I discovered, a website devoted to all things condom. features a number of products that supply the funny on the outside. Individual packaging, for example, printed with imagery and phrases such as “deep diver,” “ride that pony,” or “tight ends wanted.” Not too subtle, but given the obvious circumstances, still good for a few chuckles before ripping it open and putting the actual condom to use. In other words, everybody can have their giggles before getting down to business.
RipnRoll also offers the opportunity to customize your condom wrappers with words, images, or even a likeness of yourself. The possibilities are endless … sort of like the trouble a personally customized condom will almost certainly get you in.

I mean, imagine the scene: You’re at the bar making eye contact with a hottie across the room. You approach, ask if you can provide your phone number, and then pull out a condom package with your digits printed in bold type. Does it work? Maybe, maybe not. But there will surely be plenty of laughter —and everybody knows that where there’s laughter, there’s always a chance for a happy ending.



Haha that condom pic is hilarious.


I agree! is amazing! I especially love that you can get variety packs in bulk!


What's Hot

Sexis in your inbox

Keep up on new articles, projects, columns and more