Dick jokes

A Weaponized Pink Dildo? Police Had to Ask ...

Here's what not to do next time you're drunk in a parking lot.

Giant Penis in Sweden Can Only Be Seen from a Plane

Lawn-mowing art thought to be a “boyish prank.” You know how boys are.

Top 10 Strangest Things People Have Sent Me For November

Every month, well-meaning strangers send me a myriad of bizarre links because they want to scare me into never having sex again. Or possibly because they know that I write a sex column and they know that I’m always looking for new material. Either way? I salute them.

I See What You Did There

Once again twitter has helped me to write my sex column, as “GamesToDescribeSex” quickly became a twitter topic. Some were stupid. Some were confusing. Some were awesome and pretty damn creative.

Oh, Grampa

When my grandfather died he left me partial ownership of a used tractor.

French Dudes: Stop It with the Penile Implants, Already

Surgeons' group releases study on size to combat ... overcompensation.

The ‘Go Pussy’ Party? Italy’s Berlusconi Cracks Himself Up

Funnier still, maybe: He could change his own name to "Big Swinging Dick" ...

Phil Varone's Penis, On Sale Soon

Sex Rehab/Skid Row drummer's manhood is model for new sex toy.

Getting an Eel Up Your Penis is Even Less Fun Than You'd Think

Men: Be careful of exotic spa treatments, okay?

It's A Bug's Life

This is a Disney movie just waiting to happen.

Swedish Sperm-Sniffing Dog Fights Sex Crimes

The question is ... Okay, we actually don't want to know how the dog was trained.

Hard Cell: Does She Really Want to See That Pic of Your Dick?

If we didn't know before, we know now that men are sending pics of their dicks over email, cell phone, even Twitter. And really, are we surprised? No, of course not. The real question is: Does she wanna see it or doesn't she?

Serbia is the Place to Be for 'Cooking with Balls'

It's time for The World Testicle and Aphrodisiac Cooking Championships! Hooray!

Naked Runner Unnerves Chinese Motorists

We'd get concerned, too, if he was trying to get into our car.

Spider's Bite Works as Well as Viagra

Unfortunately, it also can hurt and possibly kill you.

Chicken-Leg Lover Flashes Drive-through Attendant

From the dept. of inappropriate over-reactions ...

Ten Strangest Things — April Edition

Once again I am flooded with the most bizarre links that people have sent me, and once again I am sharing them with you. You’re welcome. And I’m sorry. I suppose it depends on how you feel about the links. Let’s get started, shall we?

I Have Seriously Underestimated You, and for That, I Apologize.

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I shared a bizarre email from a very sweet woman who wanted a way-too-specific anatomically-correct knitted vagina and penis (for teaching purposes) and she thought that if anyone could help her it would be my readers and I was like “I think you are over-estimating the weirdness of my readers?”

Dear Jenny (It’s like Dear John but more unsettling)

If you’ve been reading me for any length of time you know that I get really bizarre emails every damn day. Some make me laugh, some make me cry and some get forwarded directly to the police.

Titles for elderly porn movies that should never be made.

Once again I’ve managed to write my sex column by crowd-sourcing on Twitter. Mainly because the people on Twitter are far more creative and/or mentally disturbed than I am. This week their twisted minds came up with alternate titles for porn films for the elderly. It’s both awesome and terrifying. Much like most non-elderly porn, now that I think about it. Let’s begin, shall we?

And Then I Threw A Sex Party

UK TV Chef Fry Cooks in the Nude

“Willy warmers” ... A new fashion trend?

The Worst Sex Advice Ever, Part 2

Cock Teases

Novelty condoms put the funny back in fucking. Just be mentally prepared for that initial burst of laughter when you climb into bed with your blueberry-scented schlong.

'Tis the Season for: Snow Penises!

And they're ridiculously easy to build, too.

The Case of the Disappearing Penises

Apparently, you have to watch out for this kind of thing in Ghana.

Some Things Just Shouldn’t be Tattooed

American Apparel’s Full Frontal; Full Red Lips Catch Attention; Sexy Women Hired Less; Germany’s “Cock Out” for Safe Sex

Apparently, showing cartoon pubic hair is still enough to shock some people.

Top Ten Strangest Things

Once again I’m flooded with emails from friends and strangers sending me pictures of zombie penises and dead squirrels having sex. This has become my new normal, ya’ll.

The Euphemism Generator: Sexiest Thesaurus Ever

The Top Ten Strangest Things

This month, as always, my email box was flooded with bizarre links that were so horrific that the people sending them “instantly thought of me.”

The Strangest Things People Sent Me This Week

Google Searches Will Scar You For Life

The Ten Strangest Things

This is My JOB, People

The Six Worst Things You Can Say to a Guy

Your Ballsack is Not a Bother

Four products you might be better off without:

The ten strangest things people sent me this month

Oh God.

Top Ten Strangest Things People Sent Me This Month

The Bloggess: Four things to never joke about with your man.

My grandmother does not read this column. This is unsurprising, given the fact that this is a sex column and she’s my grandmother, but I recently tried to explain to her that there’s really nothing different about my column than anything you’d read in Cosmo Magazine.

Anatomy of Sexual Humor (and Yes, You Can Touch Those Bits Down There)

We’ve been laughing at sex for as long as we’ve been having it – for reasons puritanical, repressive, regressive, or the fact that we just like laughing at our own naughty bits.

The Body Impolitic: Men & Self-Image

This just in: women aren't the only ones with body-image issues.