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Laura Ingalls is Incredibly Unsexy

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In a few weeks my sister and I are throwing an anniversary party for my parents. My parents are just as odd as I am so we decided to do an old West-Little-House-On-The-Prairie-style party at a Texas fort, complete with a chuck wagon serving supper and a women playing the fiddle into the night around the bonfire. It should be awesome.

  Option one: School marm with a deadly secret.



Elizabeth Baker: Part spinsterish school marm, part secret agent/flying-machine specialist. Her mathematical talents will later lay the groundwork for the Dewey Decimal System, but she isn’t afraid to flash a bit of ankle to get what she wants. What she usually wants is guns. She’s got a lot of secrets, that one.

  Option two: Dance Hall Singer with a heart of gold.



Matilda Clover: Once known through-out the west as Evening Wilder (“My friends call me “Even”) Matilda was forced to change her name when she inadvertently killed a man by stabbing him in the face 18 times when he touched her knee without permission. Many suspect she’s a whore, but the men who come to her room only visit to buy her home-made, practically lethal moonshine which she creates herself out of a secret passion for chemistry. She is a bad-ass with a tiny gun (which was gifted to her by Elizabeth Baker, a strong supporter of women in booze sciences.)

Personally, I’m leaning toward option one because I don’t want to have to say “I’m not a whore” at a family gathering any more than usual. But I’m still not sure it’s quite right. That is, I wasn’t sure until my sister emailed me what she’d turned up when looking for adult Laura Ingall’s style costumes.

  Option 3: And now I will never sleep again.




Yep. Option one is looking pretty damn good right now.

Comments

Contributor: wrmbreze

Awesome.. I like both of your costumes!

01/26/2012
Contributor: Technogeisha

Love all the outfits! Would go with the first one since everyone knows prim looking school marms are always super freaks in private. Saloon girl is way too obvious. As for the case of the third outfit, I'm sure you'll find someone who thinks the plastic Laura Ingalls costume is super hot. Unfortunately you probably will only find them online at some very specific website. Then again, someone at the party might find it hot but I'm not sure if you want to know that about a family member.

01/26/2012
Contributor: Joyfull
Joyfull  

Anyone who is a true Little House On The Prairie fan would know costume #3 is of Mary Ingalls, not Laura

01/26/2012
Contributor: Breanna
Breanna  

Number 2 is more sexy, but your right. You can only say "i'm not a whore" so many times at a family gathering before it becomes weird. I average about twice a gathering. Once to my husband and once to the voices in my head that get louder when I get tipsy.

01/26/2012
Contributor: Nona
Nona  

You could start with option 1 and as the evening progresses (read that as when folks get good and drunk) change to option 2. Like being the hostess of an awards show; you need a at least a couple of outfit changes.

I would burn option 3, except I suspect it flame retardant.

01/26/2012
Contributor: Heather Moore
Heather Moore  

is it just me or does the mask look like chelsea handler?

01/26/2012
Contributor: Sonja Rois
Sonja Rois  

If Little House on the Prarie had more ppl wearing things like costume #2, I may have watched more often.

Personally I would wear #2, but my family would expect it of me even if it weren't a theme party. But if you're really going for Little House on the Prarie (and not Mavrick) I would go with # 1.

01/27/2012
Contributor: NurseKitty

Is it just me or does that Laura Ingall mask look like it belongs in the next Jason movie? Brrr thanks for sharing now I may never sleep again either!

01/27/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ?

#2 is gorgeous!

01/27/2012
Contributor: Rebecca Tipper Gallagher
Rebecca Tipper Gallagher  

Good lord! I own that very VHS of Little House on the Prairie.
I hope my children will throw ME an anniversary party of LHOP. I like #1 because it reminds me of Ms. Beadle.

01/28/2012
Contributor: Linda Bottino
Linda Bottino  

I like both but neither is quite right. The first one is better but seems a later period than Little House...which I never watched....even tho it had Little Joe in it from Bonanza....and I thought he was cute.

01/28/2012
Contributor: applecountry
applecountry  

I think for pulling something out of the closet, they are both pretty spectacular. I'd probably have to wear something awkward and from this decade, and go as a time traveler. Great job!

01/28/2012
Contributor: Laynie
Laynie  

Personally, I think you should go in a pair of pajamas and animal slippers. When people ask why you're wearing that, tell 'em the Doctor got you out of bed to go time traveling with him, but you seem to have misplaced the TARDIS. Oh, and if a sexy guy in a bowtie says to run? RUN!

01/29/2012
Contributor: dream79
dream79  

I love both 1 & 2..but since you'll be with family #1 is probably your best bet even though #2 is a lot more fun

01/30/2012
Contributor: Kae Oz
Kae Oz  

Hmmm, both are lovely, but I do not think Matilda Clover would be invited to attend any shindigs at the Ingalls' stead.

01/31/2012
Contributor: Rosa
Rosa  

Good Lord! Did you REALLY just throw together those two outfits just by walking into your closet? You really are my hero!

01/31/2012
Contributor: Tim Bend
Tim Bend  

what's so bad about that last one. It looks just like the changeable faces on those blow up dolls that the mythbusters use on occasion. I think there might be another use for those dolls too, but I doubt it's as usefu or funl as shooting at them with arrows and guns and stuff.

02/10/2012
Contributor: iwantyouwantingme

Option 2 fits your personality better. Just Do It!

02/11/2012
Contributor: destinationtwilight

02/15/2012
Contributor: FireflyNerd
FireflyNerd  

I love you just for the Firefly reference in Option Two.

02/19/2012

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