Nikol Hasler Columns

Tim and I are the sort of people who, by romantic comedy standards, ought to be running through an airport toward each other as the music swells. He's a huge pain in the ass, he says really offensive things frequently, and once he came really close to having sex with a blow up pig that was in my closet. One time we were at the movies together and these women next to me didn't shut up the entire movie, and Tim farted on them as we were passing to leave the theater. I fucking love him. And the thing is, I don't think I've ever had a boyfriend who was 100% on the Tim train. They usually don't like him, and I suppose I can figure out why. He's attractive, he's brilliant, he makes me laugh way harder than any of them could, and he encourages my badassery and trouble making. Plus, the guy is jacked. If we get completely wasted, we'll probably do it, and we won't be weird about it after. We'll go back to wiping boogers on each other and talking about how we've gotta do something with out writing. So, of course, any man in my life is going to have to be comforta...

So, I've been single for a month and a half now. And I've been patting myself on the back over it, like I somehow turned a new leaf by not boyfriending it up right away. But that month and a half has been a bit insane. I don't just date a younger man, I date a young European virgin. I don't just date an Irish photographer, I date an autistic Irish gender queer photographer. And I don't just date once or twice a week. I over-date. In the whirlwind I have begun to think a lot about why I'm dating so much. In fact, the extremely well hung engineer I've been dating is kind of a mirror of me in that regard. So, in listening to him speak about his dating life, I've started to notice that the main reason I date so damn much is not that I'm lonely or terrified that I'll end up alone. And I'm not even seeking love right now. My best friend reminds me with some frequency that I can find a way to dismiss any person I date within the first five minutes of meeting them. Even if I'm nutso about the person before we meet, by the time the date is over, I've already figu...

It's only fitting that a show designed to talk about my trials and errors of being a single dating mother in LA would bring you yet another episode in which I am back to the eternal coupling drawing board. Things with the musician didn't pan out, which was sad for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that he never wrote a song about me. I even wrote a song about him. Huge rip off. Anyway, I didn't really waste any time. The day after he broke up with me I put a profile up on OkCupid. Quick, right? Well, come on. I was feeling unattractive and vulnerable and I needed a bunch of strangers to jack off to my photos. (That last part wasn't so much needed. I'm sure I could hire someone for that.) Two days into the online dating process I remembered why I'd hated it so much when I deleted my profile. It's exhausting. It's so much work, this dating thing, and when you're trying to make things worked based on percentages, photographs, and a surface look of how someone presents themselves to the dating world, eventually it begins to get boring. The usual pr...

If they're not (yuck) independently wealthy, that means they also have a day job. That means that during the same hours I work, they work, and that's perfect. But then after work, unless my hobby become their band, the time we have to spend together is pretty slim. And it can get tiring, too, all these late night drunken jam sessions after the show, or carrying amps to the band at 2 a.m. while some skinny, giggly fangirls tell the guys one more time how great the show was. And so, my time with these talented (most of em), lovely men of the world of music is usually limited to about four dates, and maybe a rekindling quickie in a closet should we happen to be at the same party four months later. This is why I'm surprised to find myself in a FACEBOOK OFFICIAL relationship with a musician, who has a full time job, a second job in the editorial department of a music magazine, a third job as a DJ, and is in a band. I didn't just find a musician, guys. I flat out found Mr. Music. And against my previous rules and better judgment, I am going to give this a soli...