Sex & Society » Sex positivity, Acceptance, Women: "Midori’s Post Cards From a Sex Nerd: When Bad Things Happen … Throw a Party!"

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Midori’s Post Cards From a Sex Nerd: When Bad Things Happen … Throw a Party!

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  Overcoming Kink-Negative Preconceptions

The world could stand to be a better place for healthy sexual attitudes and personal safety. Sex negativity, shame and guilt, sexual misinformation, failure to teach the young about body awareness, consensual limits and personal boundaries, all contribute in many ways to misery and stunted lives. But it seems such a daunting task for one person to affect change in the world around them.

We could sit back, gripe about it and wait for someone else, the government perhaps, or someone famous, or the next generation, or the older generation, to do something. But that’s a sure set-up for disappointment. Or we could take the cue from people like Viktoria and her friends, and other regular folks all over, and figure out a fun way to combine parties and social change.

But here’s the downside: If your sensual tastes run to the less mainstream consensual adult sexuality—whether swinging, SM, fetishism or the like—don’t be surprised if various anti-rape, anti-domestic violence, women’s support services or other aid and charity organizations and their members find what you enjoy offensive, unnatural or contributing to the exploitation of women. Some of these folks will blame you as part of the problem—as the perpetrator or the victim of oppression. They will say you are in denial. Some will even come after your events, venues and legislate against your fondest activities.

I’ve seen it happen all over the United States. Most of these folks genuinely want to protect people, and yet they learned about sex and what’s deemed decent from sex-negative and shame-laden sources. With the exception of the most hate-fueled and bigoted, they mean well and are goodhearted, but they’re misinformed and fearful of what’s outside of their worldview.

We could hide from them, or try to shout them down, but that only creates greater conflicts, division and enflamed desire to shut down non-normative sensual expression, and it isn’t productive. Instead, by reaching out to the local shelters, victim services, police, spiritual and religious leaders, charities and do something for them—no strings attached—people will come to know your goodness as well as your unconventionality. Make allies among those who could have persecuted you. Get your friends together, focus on a cause you’re passionate about and throw a rocking amazing sexy party! You can make the world a little bit better than it was yesterday—and better moving forward.


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